


The last one

by beeseven



Series: Between the two of us [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Age Difference, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jaebeom has a daughter, M/M, Slow Build, divorced jaebeom, mentions of past cheating, my ahjussi au, so.. this is a lot and if it's weird for you..., they have 17 years of age difference
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 85,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25413760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beeseven/pseuds/beeseven
Summary: Jaebeom is driving slowly when he sees a dark blur getting in front of his car, he tries to stop but he isn’t fast enough. There is a loud noise and a strong impact on the car and on his body.Then he is rushing out of the car just so see a thin body lying on the asphalt.“Fuck. Hey, hey, don’t move.” He is grateful at least the boy isn’t dead, he is bleeding though. His body is soaked and his hair is all over his face, it’s the boy from the office...It’s just Jaebeom’s luck. He is fucked.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, past Jaebeom/ofc
Series: Between the two of us [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925191
Comments: 156
Kudos: 161





	1. Break my bones

**Author's Note:**

> \- hi, yes im starting another one. and i was supposed to write it all before i started posting but.. it's not as fun lol but i'll just post a new chapter once i have a draft for the next one (i have the 2nd here)  
> \- this is a 'my ahjussi' au. at least i think it is, so a lot of things are the same but most of them aren't... (yes that's happens when i like smth)  
> \- that's it im writing it for myself and it's like my baby so :)

It was the last Friday of the month, Jaebeom has been excited about this particular weekend for days. His designated days with Bomi all passed too fast and lately, Jaebeom was feeling like they were becoming shorter and shorter. She looked taller and clever every time Jaebeom saw his daughter, it was such a change from seeing her growing before his eyes to only seeing the changes from time to time. There were always changes, no matter how small they were, there was always something. 

Jaebeom did his best to video call her at least three times a week, it wasn’t easy since he always left work late and she had to do her homework and go to bed early. On the weekends that Jaebeom got to see Bomi, he would always get off of work a little earlier. Today though he got stuck in a meeting and now he was stuck in traffic. Jaebeom cursed under his breath at the cars in front of him that didn’t seem to move at all for the past twenty minutes. 

He hasn’t driven a long distance from the office yet so when he looked at his side Jaebeom could see the kid that has been hired recently waiting at the bus stop. Jaebeom was lost in thoughts for a moment as he observed the boy curled up in himself. He shook his head, he was probably cold. It was usual for youngsters to not be prepared for weather changes, Jaebeom’s mom would scold him a lot about it when he was a teenager. 

Jaebeom only takes his eyes away from the boy when the cars behind him start honking startling him. The traffic was finally moving, Jaebeom felt embarrassed by being so caught up by his thoughts that he didn’t notice it before. He didn’t think much about it though, Seolhyun was texting him because Bomi was getting antsy with how long it was taking for Jaebeom to get there. Seeing her name lighting up on his phone could still affect Jaebeom. His whole body going cold as if the heater wasn’t on. 

So he did his best to ignore his phone and to get to her apartment as fast as he could. It didn’t make much difference, Jaebeom got there two hours late anyway. He thought Bomi would be angry and throw a tantrum about him forgetting about her, that was something she would say often since the divorce. But the moment he rang the bell his daughter was hugging his middle with her lanky arms, she already had her backpack on her back. It was a black backpack with spikes on it, very different from the Dora the Explorer that she had before. 

“Let’s go, dad. I want to have sushi!” She hugged him again, Jaebeom raised her holding the girl in his arms, smashing her face with kisses that made her giggle. 

Jaebeom just needed to check with her mom if there is anything he needed to be aware of for the weekend and they could go but Bomi was rushing him outside. “Stop it, Bomi-yah go to your room. Mom needs to talk to dad before you two go,” Jaebeom looked surprised at Seolhyun who wasn’t looking directly at him, eyes fixed in their daughter. 

It took some convincing for Bomi to let go of Jaebeom, he had to promise over and over again that he wasn’t going to leave without her. She went to her room slamming the door closed after her, they could hear it from the living room. Jaebeom always wondered from whom she got her strong personality, it was probably from both of them. Both Jaebeom and Seolhyun have been hot-tempered since they were kids, so their kid couldn’t be any different. 

“What’s up?” Jaebeom sat uncomfortably on the couch and Seolhyun on the other one in front of him. They rarely held conversations since they got divorced, even before that they would just fight with each other. Sitting to talk hasn’t been an option for a long time, Jaebeom doesn’t think this time will be any different by the sour look on Seolhyun’s face. 

“I’d hope we can have a normal conversation for once,” Seolhyun crosses her legs and arms, “the baby is asleep and I’m tired of Bomi hearing us fight.” 

“I don’t intend on fighting with you,” Jaebeom assures her, he doesn’t know what she can say or do to make him lose his temper after so long. They have gone through a lot, Jaebeom has yelled at Seolhyun more times than he can remember or that he is proud about, he can’t see what’s left for her to torment him with. 

Seolhyun offers him coffee which Jaebeom declines, asking her to just say whatever she has to say already so he can take Bomi with him. She takes her time asking Jaebeom about his mom and trying to engage in a conversation that won’t go anywhere. After a few minutes of silence, she finally gives in sighing, “Ed received a job offer in Australia.”

“So? Is he going?” Jaebeom hates even hearing Ed’s name, he hates the man even more than he once hated Seolhyun. It was Seolhyun whom he has known since he was a kid, it was her the only woman Jaebeom has ever loved but the man that took her away was the one that made Jaebeom blind with anger. They had an affair behind his back and no matter who his trust lied with, Jaebeom couldn’t look at the man’s face without the urge to punch him again and again and again. 

“We… well, yes he is going. We are all going,” at Jaebeom’s lack of reaction Seolhyun raises her brow at him, “we are taking Bomi with us.” 

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Jaebeom gets out of the couch laughing sarcastically as he does so, “what makes you think you can take my daughter away from me?” 

“Jaebeom, can you think rationally for once? Ed will make a lot of money, we will be able to give a good life for the kids and--” 

Jaebeom can’t believe how calm she is while she announces that she will be taking his kid to another country as if it’s nothing as if she’ll be just moving from a neighbor to another. Money has never been a problem, Jaebeom worked hard so he could give his daughter whatever she needed. “I’m not going to allow it! Whatever plans you have just forget about it! If you wanna leave, go with your new family, Bomi stays here with me!”

This time Seolhyun is the one who laughs but there’s no humor to it, “I’ve talked to my lawyer, I can and I’ll take her with me. I’m the custodial parent, Jaebeom, I’m her mom, plus I stay at home with the kids all day. What do you think a judge would decide? To let her with you when you’re barely at home? You can’t even take care of yourself,” 

“That’s why she’s been acting strange?” Bomi has always been affectioned but tonight she didn’t want to let go of Jaebeom, she was scared he would leave without her and she didn’t even want to kiss Seolhyun good-bye. Jaebeom pinches his nose as he analyzes the situation he can’t give in so easily. “Can’t you think about her? Her family is here, friends she has known since she was born and her father is here. How can you be so selfish about it?” 

Jaebeom is well aware of how loud his voice is getting by the second but he can’t help it, Seolhyun isn’t doing much better herself. “I am thinking about her! I’m going to give her a better life and she will be able to come to visit on her school breaks, we will work things out. Stop overreacting, Jaebeom. It has always been like that with you if you don’t get things your way you will just lose it,” 

Overreacting. As if not wanting to be away from his only daughter is overreacting. Seolhyun can’t put herself on his shoes. How would it feel if Jaebeom was the one threatening to take Bomi away from her? Before he can say anything else Bomi walks into the living room standing between Jaebeom and the wall that he has been resting his head on. 

She is a tall girl, people wouldn’t say she is eleven by her height. But right now she looks so small and fragile with her round dark eyes and space buns that make her look even younger, Jaebeom takes her on his arm again. “Dad, can we go now?” 

And not once in his life has Jaebeom been able to deny Bomi anything, he looks at Seolhyun one more time and he wants to tell her that this won’t be like she wants. That he will do something about it but by the furious look in his eyes he knows it’s not necessary. She knows it won’t be easy. 

Bomi is terribly quiet throughout their entire meal, she was excited to have sushi but it was before her mom told the news to Jaebeom. Now she was barely eating her food, Jaebeom can’t understand what changed since she knew about Seolhyun’s plans before he knew it himself. Jaebeom wants them to have fun together so he takes her to the mall after dinner, his intention was to pick a toy for her but she is more interested in shoes nowadays. 

At least after Jaebeom buys her whatever she asks for, her mood seems to brighten a little bit, on the drive home she is quiet again. “What’s wrong, baby?” 

“You know what’s wrong, dad.” Is all she says in her childish voice and Jaebeom knows he won’t be able to get anything else from her. At least he does know what the problem is, but he would like to know how Bomi is feeling and what she thinks about moving away. It would help Jaebeom with his thoughts. 

When they get home they watch Barbie movies ‘till late at night, way past Bomi’s bedtime but Jaebeom lets it slide just this time. His daughter falls asleep a little after two in the morning, which for her is very, very late. Jaebeom waits ‘till he is sure she is asleep to text Jinyoung, he tells everything to his best friend, hoping his friend is able to help him since he is a lawyer. 

To Jaebeom’s despair, he says pretty much the same things Seolhyun has told him earlier, Jinyoung tells him that he can try to stop it and that he will help Jaebeom but it’s more likely that it won’t be much help. Jaebeom is so distressed by it, he doesn’t want to just give in and let his daughter go away but it seems like he lost the war even before it started. And he doesn’t want Bomi to suffer, even more, she has suffered enough with her parents failed marriage. 

Jaebeom turns on the bed all night getting up to check on Bomi every once in a while. The next day he takes her to an amusement park, Bomi begs Jaebeom for him to take her best friend with them. Jaebeom hates he thought of being responsible for two kids, even more, when it’s not his kid and he needs to be even more attentive. But it’s clear to Jaebeom that his daughter won’t have many more moments with her best friend if she ends up moving away. 

It isn’t hard to convince the other kid’s mom to allow her to spend the day with them, Jaebeom has more fun with them than he remembers having by himself in the past months, maybe years. He doesn’t do much other than drinking with his coworkers or visiting Jinyoung and Jackson in his spare time anyway. Jaebeom doesn’t like thinking about it but he became a man with no hobbies or many friends. 

It’s all good ‘till Bomi throws up at the Drop Tower, it was the ride the kids anticipated the most so Jaebeom went with them. It was one of the most disgusting things Jaebeom has ever experimented in his life. Not just because of the puke but because gravity didn’t work in their favor and Jaebeom had to apologize to pretty much everyone that was in the ride with them. It was a mess. 

If it was any other day he knows Bomi would cry and be embarrassed about it but since she is with Chaeryeong both kids just laugh as if that was the funniest thing to ever happen. Jaebeom was barely able to clean them in the toilet and then the day was over, they can’t go on any more rides when they stink like that. Also, it would be disgusting to not go home and take a shower. The kids aren’t even disappointed about it. 

Jaebeom takes Bomi to his parents’ place on Sunday so they can have lunch together, it’s something he tries to do often. He’s their only kid and Bomi the only grandkid, they are always overly thrilled to see the girl. Jaebeom doesn’t say anything about Bomi moving away and neither does she, it’s a silent agreement between them to keep it a secret for now. He will let them know once he is sure about how things are going to play and by himself without a crying kid in the room. 

The worst moment of the weekend is when Jaebeom has to take her home, he hates leaving her more than ever before. Jaebeom thinks back to when she was a little toddler, how he should have enjoyed each moment with her but didn’t. He was too busy trying to earn money to provide to his family. He earned a promotion but it was too late. 

The weeks pass by too fast and too slowly at the same time, going to work is torturous these days. Sometimes he will catch himself looking at the part-timer, the boy’s lips always look blueish and his hair a mess like a bird’s nest. It’s distracting in a comforting way, while Jaebeom looks at him his thoughts will wander around. He thinks about nothing and everything. The boy’s tired face is the only thing making the time pass faster at the office. 

When Jaebeom isn’t at work though everything is at high speed, he talks to Jinyoung and to one of his friend’s colleagues as well. They aren’t much help, Seolhyun is allowed to take Bomi with her if it’s for the girl’s best interests. Jaebeom gets to spend more time with Bomi and almost every weekend he will take her to his apartment. At one night she insists to sleep in his bed and it’s not because she is scared or had a bad dream. 

She just hugs Jaebeom tightly and asks him to not fight anymore, he has been having a lot of arguments with Seolhyun and Ed lately. Of course, Bomi heard them. She tells Jaebeom she doesn’t want to move but she doesn’t want to be away from mom and her little brother either. Jaebeom just kisses her forehead assuring her everything will be alright. 

Jaebeom can’t do much, he doesn’t want his daughter to suffer more than she already is suffering. It’s after that night that Jaebeom decides to tell his parents already. He sees the part-timer at the bus stop again, Choi Youngjae, Jaebeom thinks he heard someone yell his name for not doing his job right a few weeks ago. He considers offering him a lift out of courtesy but decides against it, it wouldn’t look good for either of them. 

So he just drives slowly to his parents’ place, telling them it’s reassuring because they take his side easily. Jaebeom thinks that’s what parents are supposed to do anyway. He spends the night and cries on his mom’s lap, it’s the first time he has stopped and allowed himself to be sad about it, to really look at the situation. Jaebeom was devastated but he was trying to not show it, even to himself. The way his mom slides her fingers through his hair is what makes Jaebeom cry harder. 

“I’ve known that girl was trouble since she set her foot in this house for the first time. But you never listen to me,” his mom says angrily with Jaebeom’s head on her lap. He laughs still crying, she isn’t even lying. His mom never liked Seolhyun or her family and when she found out about his ex-wife affair she talked Jaebeom’s ears off as if it was his doing. 

But she also fought with Seolhyun’s mother right in front of her house. Jinyoung said Jaebeom should be grateful his mom was defending his honor but if anything it only made him more embarrassed. He had no honor left. And after every person that saw him growing up pitied him really nothing was left of it. Jaebeom was still embarrassed about it to this day. 

The week before Bomi’s moving Jaebeom takes it off to spend it with her, they stay at his parents’, it’s weird living there again after almost twenty years even if only for a few days. But he wants to enjoy what is left of his time with Bomi and he wants his parents to enjoy it as well. They love the girl as much as he does, Jaebeom is sure of that. It would be the best week of Jaebeom’s life if he didn’t know what would come next. 

“Dad, did you know grandma visited us last week?” Bomi asks at the dinner table, Jaebeom looks at his mom pointedly but she focuses on her food pretending she can’t hear them. 

“Is that so?” He tries not to laugh at how serious Bomi is telling the story and how his mom and dad act as if it isn’t that important. 

“She said she would put a curse on mom--” his child continues. 

“Mom!” Jaebeom can’t believe his mother went all the way to Seolhyun’s place to say something like that and in front of his child. 

“I was kidding! Grandma was kidding, Bommie. Don’t listen to your old grandma’s jokes,” she puts more chicken on Bomi’s plate to distract the kid and pats her head. But the girl narrows her eyes and whispers to Jaebeom that she was not kidding, she was very serious. 

Jaebeom will have a word with his mom about it later, right now he can’t care too much about it. They have fun together after dinner, his dad hates to watch kid’s movies, he wouldn’t do it with Jaebeom when he was little but he makes an exception tonight. 

Everyday Jaebeom tries to do something different with his daughter, tries to take her to the places he would play when he was her age, and also to places he couldn’t go but has the opportunity to take his child now. There’s still so much Jaebeom wants to do with her, he wants to watch her face as she discovers new things. There’s not enough time for that though. 

When they have to go to the airport Bomi cries all the way there, Jaebeom knew it would happen but it breaks his heart the same. His parents go with him to the airport and so does Chaeryeong. Jaebeom buys Bomi a huge cat plushie that Seolhyun will probably have trouble fitting on the plane but he doesn’t care. He tells his daughter that now she has to be a good big sister and take care of her baby brother, Jaebeom tries to be as positive as he can in front of her. 

Once they have to board Seolhyun hugs and thanks him, Jaebeom has never hated her as much as he does right now. He asks his parents to drive Chaeryeong home saying he has work stuff to do. It’s not a lie that he has a lot to do but he won’t be doing anything tonight, Jaebeom just needs to be alone. The image of Bomi entering the restricted area is carved in his brain. 

Jaebeom can’t stop crying as he drives home, he must look ridiculous but he has stopped caring about stuff like this. His view getting blurry with tears and the rain hitting the windshield. He hasn’t sobbed like that in a long time and it’s as if the skies are crying with him. Jaebeom is never out when it rains like this, he was unlucky tonight. His dad texts him letting him know that they got home safely. Jaebeom only needs to drive a few more minutes and he will be home as well.

He is driving slowly since he can’t see much when he sees a dark blur getting in front of his car, Jaebeom tries to stop it but he isn’t fast enough. There is a loud noise and a strong impact on the car and on his body. Jaebeom needs a second to understand what just happened but then he is rushing out of the car just so see a thin body lying on the asphalt. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” the rain is getting heavier now. Jaebeom bends down to check on the person but they are already trying to get up, “hey, hey, don’t move.” He is grateful at least the boy isn’t dead, he is bleeding though. Jaebeom can see red. 

His body is soaked and his hair is all over his face but Jaebeom can recognize him, he doesn’t remember his name anymore but it’s the boy from the office. It’s just Jaebeom’s luck to hit a boy that works with him. He is having trouble trying to get out of the ground and Jaebeom watches as he struggles to even support himself on his arms. 

“We need to take you to a hospital,” Jaebeom tries to have a better look at him to see where he is hurt and if he can try to move the boy to his car or if he should ask for help. 

“I can’t. I have to go,” it’s the first time Jaebeom hears his voice he realizes that after months working at the same office he has never heard the boy’s voice not even once. Jaebeom ignores his protests, there’s no way he will let the boy walk home bleeding and obviously hurt. He wouldn’t be able to walk anyway. 

It seems like he didn’t hurt his back since he can sit up, it’s a relief, so Jaebeom puts his arm around the boy’s waist and helps him to the passenger seat. The boy is obviously in pain but he doesn’t complain about it. Jaebeom tries to be as gentle as possible, he turns the heat on and tries to hold a conversation so the other won’t close his eyes. The only thing he can take from him is that boy is called Youngjae, Choi Youngjae, Jaebeom remembers it now. 

Other than that Youngjae will just groan at Jaebeom’s question and sometimes not even that. When they get to the hospital Jaebeom is the one that has to fill out the medical form. Youngjae leaves his wallet with him, there’s nothing but his ID inside. He looks even younger on the ID pic and it makes something shift inside Jaebeom. He can’t accept he was the one that hurt someone that looks so fragile and breakable like Youngjae. 

While Jaebeom waits he goes out and buys a bottle of the chocolate milk he thinks he saw next to Youngjae when he hit him. It’s the same brand he used to drink when he was a kid, Bomi hates milk so Jaebeom hasn’t bought it in a long time. He still waits for some time more, he can’t stop rocking his legs and he’s starting to make even people around him anxious. It doesn’t take that long for a nurse to call for him, Youngjae has a plaster cast on his arm, Jaebeom can’t take his eyes away from it. He really broke Youngjae. 

“He is alright, but he has a concussion, he also broke his arm and two of his fingers. He hurt his ribs but nothing too serious, I’d like him to spend the night,” the doctor is telling Jaebeom as Youngjae watches them from the hospital bed. Jaebeom is thankful it was nothing serious but still Youngjae broke his arm, it must be hurting a lot. There are bruises on his face and arms as well. 

After the doctor leaves Youngjae stares deeply on Jaebeom’s eyes, “I can’t stay here, Ahjussi.” 

“What? You have a concussion, you need to rest, I’m sure you will be able to leave in the morning.” Jaebeom isn’t so sure but he will talk to the doctor before he leaves and he will be here once Youngjae gets discharged. “Here, do you need me to buy anything else, Youngjae-ssi?” He hands Youngjae the bottle of milk he has been holding for over an hour now. 

Youngjae’s expression is blank and he doesn’t reply, Jaebeom puts the bottle on the bedside. He stays for a while, trying to make sure Youngjae is feeling ok. As ok as it is possible for him to be right now, but the boy just ignores his presence altogether. A nurse comes and gives Youngjae medicine so after he watches the boy taking it and makes sure he will be taken care of Jaebeom decides to leave him alone and drive home. 

“I’m really sorry…” Jaebeom doesn’t know what else to say, he doesn’t know if it was his fault or Youngjae’s. Still, the boy is the one hurt and on a hospital bed so he feels the need to apologize. It doesn’t matter anyway since Youngjae isn’t even looking at him. “I’ll be back in the morning,” 

Jaebeom’s clothes are still stuck to his body when he gets home, they haven’t dried all the way yet, he sneezes twice as he walks to take a shower. The whole accident distracted him from Bomi’s departure, but now that he was home lying on his bed his head is a mess of thoughts, he misses Bomi so much already. But there are also thoughts of Youngjae’s small curled up body lying on the wet asphalt, the realization that Jaebeom could have killed him makes the man almost throw up with anxiety. 

It takes him ages to fall asleep when he wakes up in the morning his entire body aches, it’s like he slept on top of a million needles and stones. Jaebeom checks his phone but there’s no text from Seolhyun or Bomi, it’s still too early in the morning they didn’t make it there yet. There’s a lot of missed calls from a number he doesn’t recognize. Jaebeom takes a vitamin C pill before dressing up to go to the hospital, but the same number calls him again before he can leave. 

It’s from the hospital, they were calling to let him know Youngjae wasn’t there, he hasn’t been there since last night. Jaebeom closes his eyes as he wonders why this must happen to him. Why would that boy run away from a hospital when he had a concussion? He doesn’t have Youngjae’s number. Nor does any of his coworkers, he checks with them. Jaebeom will have to wait ‘till Monday to see him and check if everything is okay. Jaebeom didn’t even get to buy him medication. 

He goes out with Jackson and Jinyoung to drinks that night, when he tells them about what happened they try to seem sorry for him for just two seconds but then they are laughing right at his face. 

“Go on, laugh all you want. I know it’s fucking pathetic how unlucky I am,” Jaebeom shoves a bunch of chicken in his mouth for Jinyoung’s disgust, he downs everything with beer. 

“I mean we are sorry about Bomi, but why did you have to hit the kid and why did it have to be a crazy kid, Hyung? Also, isn’t he the unlucky one?” Jackson laughs his loudest laugh, at least the bar is full and noise so no one looks their way. “Wait, can the kid sue Jaebeom, honey?” 

Jaebeom’s eyes almost jump out of his face, he hasn’t thought about it. He did everything he could to help Youngjae, not because he was worried about getting sued but because he was worried about the boy. He didn’t even realize getting sued was a possibility. Jinyoung is thoughtful but he nods, “he can. Jaebeom-hyung needs to pay for his medical bills, but if his arm is damaged and prevents him from working he has the right to get some reparation.” 

“I paid the hospital bill! I can’t pay for anything else if he doesn’t let me!” Jaebeom protests to his friends’ amusement, making them laugh again. As much as they mock him all night it’s good to take Jaebeom’s mind out of his problems. 

“I’m sorry really sorry about Bomi though. I wish I could have helped you more, but as I told you we would only be able to delay it, stopping it would be impossible if Seolhyun wasn’t acting in bad faith,” Jinyoung squeezes his arm but Jaebeom just nods. He knows his best friend would help him no matter what, but that was not something Jaebeom was willing to do. He didn’t want to bring more pain to his daughter with a legal battle. So even though it hurts Jaebeom thinks he did the right thing. 

He gets to talk to Bomi when he gets home that night, just for a few minutes since she isn’t in the mood. Jaebeom worries the problem is with him but Seolhyun says she’s been acting up since they got there. She will be happy about something but then she will start crying over how much she misses something or someone in Korea. Jaebeom wants to do something about it, to give his baby some sort of consolation but nothing seems to be right or enough. He guesses only time can help in this situation. 

When Jaebeom gets to his work compartment the first thing he does is look out for Youngjae. He isn’t at his desk and it’s already past nine, he keeps looking at the clock and at Youngjae’s empty desk. “Where’s Youngjae-ssi?” 

Lia looks at his desk and then back at Jaebeom, “I think he called in sick, do you need something, director-nim?” Jaebeom doesn’t say anything back, just rolls his eyes, Lia has worked here for as long as he has. But when Jaebeom got a promotion and everyone started treating him more formally she went along with it. 

Jaebeom was responsible just for their team, he was the director of the investment team. It was not how he started at the firm but he liked it better than doing taxes, as risky as it could be it was exciting. At first, he loved auditions but he had to travel the country for that, and when Seolhyun got pregnant it stopped being an option. He is happier the way things are now anyway. 

And it has its perks, Jaebeom asks Lia to fill the office fridge with chocolate milk. She looks at him weirdly but doesn’t say anything and does as he says. When Jaebeom drives home he keeps his eyes alert for any boy that looks at least a bit like Youngjae. It’s obvious that he won’t see the other walking around like this when he didn’t even show up to work but he isn’t thinking rationally.

Jaebeom’s place is colder and dark these days, he barely stays there favoring working late or going out. He can recognize that he shouldn’t spend so much time with Jinyoung and Jackson, they are a couple and even though Jaebeom never felt like the third wheel with them, he doesn’t want to impose his company on them. So he prefers going out and drinking by himself. People look at him as if he is a loser but he doesn’t mind it much. 

It’s just a week later that Jaebeom sees Youngjae again, he isn’t even expecting it when he gets in the office and sees Youngjae typing away at the computer as if nothing happened. He is wearing an oversized hoodie and it’s hard to see the plaster cast on his arm, but it’s visible on his ring and little finger. The bruises on his face are almost all the way gone. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know how to approach him, he waits for Youngjae to look his way but it never happens. At the lunch break, Youngjae disappears and when he comes back everyone else is also back. The only thing Jaebeom can notice is the bottle of chocolate milk on Youngjae’s desk. He is glad he was right about the boy liking it. It makes Jaebeom feel somehow triumphant. 

Youngjae leaves earlier, Jaebeom just noticed it when he is already gone. He can’t understand why the boy is ignoring him, why he is running away. He doesn’t need to pretend nothing happened, Jaebeom wants to know how he is doing and if he needs something. He should be the one demanding help from Jaebeom and not running away from it. Youngjae isn’t at the bus stop when Jaebeom drives by, he has left hours ago. 

Jaebeom thinks it will keep happening, Youngjae will come late and leave earlier, but the next day he is right on time. And he isn’t covering his arm, everyone can see the plaster cast on it, the thing is filled with childish drawings that Jaebeom is sure wasn't one of Youngjae’s friends' work. He wonders who did it. 

He is also determined to talk to Youngjae today so as soon as the boy gets off of his chair and goes to the printer Jaebeom follows him. “Are you running away from me?” He whispers looking to his sides to make sure there’s no one around to hear them. Youngjae doesn’t look at him, instead, he fills the printer with more paper. “What happened, why did you leave the hospital like that?” 

“I said I couldn’t stay, director-nim,” it’s all Youngjae says. No matter how many times Jaebeom asks him if he needs something and if he is doing alright Youngjae won’t say anything else. Two other people enter the printer room and one of them asks for Youngjae for help with documents they need to scan. People here can be so lazy even to learn how to do simple things like scanning, Jaebeom thinks annoyed as he walks away. 

Youngjae doesn’t leave earlier anymore, even on the days Jaebeom doesn’t see him a lot in the office he looks out for Youngjae at the bus stop.

Jaebeom didn’t want to tell his parents what happened, but it seemed like Jackson did the dirty work for him. As soon as he enters his childhood home his mom smacks his head with the back of her hand. “What were you thinking when you hit the boy with your car?”

She’s by herself since Jaebeom’s father is still at the laundry they run at the side of their house. Jaebeom cringes rubbing his head, it doesn’t really hurt. “Mom, I didn’t do it on purpose? And I took him to the hospital, I did everything I was supposed to.” 

“Jackson said the boy left right after you did,” she says as they walk to the kitchen, she’s cooking and the smell it’s nothing like the instant noodles Jaebeom eats almost every night at home these days. 

“And how is it my fault? Should I have tied him to the bed?” Of course, it also bugged Jaebeom but there’s nothing he can do about it anymore, surely not now weeks later and Youngjae is doing better already. Jaebeom just needs to check with him when he needs to take the plaster cast off so he can take him to the hospital. 

“Jackson said the boy can sue you, you have a kid what if you lose your apartment? And if you lose your job? How will you take care of her? Can’t you be more responsible, what if you had killed the boy?” Jaebeom does his best to not roll his eyes at his mom, he is too old to be getting shit from her. Not that he will ever say it out loud. 

“Every information you have came from Jackson, you shouldn’t trust him so easily mom,” before Jaebeom can even finish his sentence she is coming from the kitchen to hit his head again. “What was that for?” 

“At least Jackson tells me what is going on with my son,” her voice isn’t sad or anything but Jaebeom can see the worry on her face. He feels bad that his mom is always complaining that he doesn’t tell her anything. Since he can remember it she tells Jaebeom he can count on her and on his dad. It’s just hard for Jaebeom to open up to them, or to anyone really. So whenever he tells his friends something and they tell her she gets worried. It’s not even that she feels betrayed that he is talking to others and not to her, she just wants Jaebeom to know he can talk to her. 

Jaebeom knows he can, but even what he tells his friends is just the surface of what happens in his life. Sitting with someone and pouring his heart and worries isn’t something Jaebeom can do easily. That’s one of the things Seolhyun would always throw at his face, one year into their marriage and she was already saying she didn’t recognize Jaebeom anymore, that she didn’t know who he was. 

It would make Jaebeom feel like shit, he blamed himself a lot when she cheated on him. He was sure it was all on him for not being the husband she deserved, he wanted to try again to be a better man. It was her that wanted to move on, that wanted to start a new life with the man she truly loved. 

Jaebeom tried changing, if it wasn’t for her at least for his kid, he wanted Bomi to see that he trusted her so she would trust him back. But it wasn’t a matter of trust, it was just Jaebeom not being able to deal with his feelings himself, he wanted to keep them hidden even from himself. 

Bomi was the same, she was still young but it was clear that she took after him. Bottling everything up ‘till she could just cry about it. Again Seolhyun blamed Jaebeom for that, and he couldn’t even deny that it was probably his fault. So he tried to build a healthy and trustworthy relationship with his daughter, he could understand why it upset his mom the way he behaved but he tried making it different with his own child. 

They had to talk about the accident again when his father got home, but he didn’t hit Jaebeom’s head. He just told him to make sure the boy he hit was okay, “make it up for him, son,” was all he said. His father wasn't very talkative either. 

The thing is that Jaebeom spent the next few days thinking about how he could make it up for Youngjae. There was nothing he could do other than buying him painkillers, there’s the only way he knew how to make the pain go away. But when he thought about that maybe there was something else Youngjae would like to get, he just didn’t know what it was. 

No matter how much Jaebeom thinks about it he can’t wrap his mind over what to do. Every idea he has seems to be over the top. One day Youngjae gets to the office department and he doesn’t have the plaster cast anymore, Jaebeom feels like a dick for not taking him to the hospital. It’s when he decides to ask Lia for Youngjae’s resume. 

“Why are you so interested in the part-timer lately?” She narrows her eyes as she places the resume on his desk. 

“He works with us for months now, still we don’t know anything about him. Does it feel right for you?” They all have a good relationship with each other at the office, some of them have been working for so long it feels like they have become family. So it’s just normal that Jaebeom wants to know more about Youngjae. Sure he isn’t one of the people that are overly close with the coworkers but being so clueless about Youngjae makes him feel like he failed as the team director.

“What does it matter when he won’t stay here for long, he is just a temporary.” She shrugs and Jaebeom stares at her angrily. 

“So what? He is part of the team just like anyone here. Don’t talk about him like this again,” she doesn’t seem convinced, or like she cares but she nods anyway. 

Then he is focusing on Youngjae’s resume, too eager to find more about him. Is very disappointing though, as soon as Jaebeom looks at it he remembers the first time he looked at it. He was the one that hired Youngjae after all, the thing is that the resume has not much on it. Youngjae graduated high school and that was it, it said he had a basic knowledge of Spanish and English but Jaebeom doesn’t know if that’s true. 

It had Youngjae’s phone number and Jaebeom doesn’t feel proud of himself for saving it on his phone. It also has Youngjae’s birthday date to which Jaebeom hasn’t paid attention when he got the boy’s ID in the hospital, he just turned 21 years old. Jaebeom knew he was young but now he knows how young, and seeing Youngjae’s dark circles around his eyes at such a young age makes Jaebeom uncomfortably worried about him. 

Usually, they celebrate birthdays monthly. No one has their birthday in September so they didn’t do anything. Lia and Andreas are responsible for it, if Jaebeom is being honest he doesn’t know anyone’s birthday ‘till they let him know. He has no idea why they didn’t do anything on Youngjae’s birthday. 

Jaebeom looks at the date again and cringes, it’s the same day Bomi left the country, the same day Jaebeom hit Youngjae with his car. He can’t believe it happened on the boy’s birthday and he didn’t even know about it. He was Youngjae’s boss, he was responsible for him, he should have known. He really has to do something about what happened. 

Jaebeom checks other stuff on his resume but nothing is that relevant, he has no idea why he decided on Youngjae other than the other candidates. He walks to Youngjae’s and tells him to not leave before Jaebeom does today. He says it loud enough so others can hear it as well, Youngjae barely takes his eyes away from the computer screen, Jaebeom will take it as a ‘yes’. 

And sure enough, Youngjae waits ‘till Jaebeom goes to his desk at the end of the day, most of their coworkers have already left. Jaebeom feels more comfortable like that. “Let’s have dinner, it’s on me,”

“No,” Youngjae gets off his chair taking his thin cardigan and backpack with him. Jaebeom has to follow him out of the office walking quickly since Youngjae isn’t waiting for him. 

“Please, just let me make it up for you, Youngjae-ssi. I hurt you and then I didn’t even get you the meds you needed,” Jaebeom is a little out of breath as Youngjae seems to be more than fine. 

Youngjae’s expression is still blank but he nods shortly and follows Jaebeom to his car. Jaebeom isn’t used to taking anyone in his car other than Bomi, not even his parents ride with him. He got what Jackson calls a ‘mom car’ but doesn’t take anyone on it, it’s always only him. He reminds himself that Youngjae has been on it already. 

He was so scared at the time he couldn’t think much about it. Now Jaebeom keeps looking at Youngjae whenever he gets the opportunity. 

“Maybe that’s why you go around hitting pedestrians, Ahjussi.” Youngjae mumbles. Jaebeom isn’t sure if this is a joke or a passive-aggressive comment so he doesn’t know how to react and ends up not saying anything. He should reprimand Youngjae for talking to him so comfortably but he lets it slide this once. 

He takes Youngjae to the same Japanese restaurant Bomi would beg him to take her. Jaebeom quickly takes a pic of the front and sends it to her. When they are inside things feel weirdly intimate, but just because of their surroundings. There’s nothing intimate about him and Youngjae sitting together. If anything they are the most awkward people at the place. 

Jaebeom orders their food and for some reason he expected Youngjae to be shy about it, but he eats like he’s been starving. He eats even Jaebeom’s food, he doesn’t mind since he wasn’t that hungry himself. He tries not to watch Youngjae eat and looks at Bomi’s reply on his phone instead, she tells him she found a nice Japanese restaurant near her house as well. Jaebeom doesn’t know why he is jealous over something so small. 

He keeps texting her ‘till Youngjae places his glass strongly on the table to get his attention. “I’m done, can I leave now?” 

“I’ll take you home,” Jaebeom says and asks for the bill. He pays for it and is ready to walk Youngjae to his car again but the boy goes in the opposite direction. “Where are you going?” 

“I have somewhere to be, I’m not going home,” Jaebeom has to follow Youngjae as he walks to a bus stop near the restaurant. He wants to ask where Youngjae is going to, but he probably has plans as a normal 21-years-old would have on a Friday night. And obviously he doesn’t want Jaebeom to give him a lift. 

“Why didn’t you say it was your birthday that day?” Before Jaebeom leaves to his car he asks what has been on the back of his mind since he saw the date on Youngjae’s resume. Of course, it wasn’t up to him to let others know about it but he should have said something. 

“Oh,” Youngjae tilts his head, “yes, it was that day, I suppose.” He says as if he is telling something not even he has realized before. It’s like Youngjae didn’t remember about it himself, Jaebeom doesn’t get a chance to ask if that was the case because a bus stops and Youngjae just gets inside without even sparing a look at Jaebeom. 

Jaebeom didn’t feel like he had done enough, actually, it was like he didn’t do anything at all. He intended to talk to Youngjae at dinner, to know if he was still in pain and if he needed something else, to apologize again. Jaebeom worried about what Youngjae’s parents must have said, he even expected to get at least a call from them, to be scolded, but it was like he had never hit Youngjae. 

He still felt like he owed Youngjae something but after that night they never talked again, Jaebeom didn’t know what to do nor how to talk to Youngjae. He just kept on making sure the fridge was always filled with chocolate milk. Whenever he got the chance Jaebeom would steal looks at Youngjae’s desk just to see a bottle resting on it, it wasn’t much at all but it made Jaebeom feel a little better about himself. Jaebeom could recognize that it was more about how he wanted the guilt to go away than about how Youngjae felt, but it was an issue that just he knew about. 

As time passed Jaebeom was focusing more on work than ever, he didn’t have much else other than that. Plus, he wanted to visit Bomi before Christmas, they haven’t decided if she will come with him to spend the holidays with his family but Jaebeom will go nonetheless. He wants to see where his daughter is living, studying, and what kind of people were around her. Jaebeom also missed her like crazy, sometimes Bomi would call him crying and it made Jaebeom so angry at the situation. She was more used to the distance now but Jaebeom felt like he would never get used to it. 

So really, there was nothing much on Jaebeom’s mind other than working his ass off to be able to take a few days off to go to Australia. 

It was one of the rare occasions Jaebeom left his apartment nowadays, he was having dinner with his parents and his best friends. Jinyoung was like a brother to him, and Jackson has been added to the family since they got together. It wasn’t unusual to have them over at his parents’ place. Jaebeom was having a good time with them after long weeks, but he can never count on this peace to last too long. 

They haven’t even finished eating yet when his mother starts nagging Jaebeom about his love life. “There’s no love life,” Jinyoung mocks, he is right but Jaebeom doesn’t like his tone. 

“How do you know there’s no love life?” Jaebeom huffs stuffing his mouth with meat so he doesn’t have to say anything else in the matter. But everyone laughs as soon as the words leave his mouth, even his dad who is usually quiet and doesn’t tease Jaebeom. “I’m serious! I could be seeing someone, why do you think I haven’t been hanging out with you two idiots as much lately?” He points at his friends that laugh again. 

“I understand being passionate about work but your work is so boring, Hyung. I can't fathom how you can spend so much time in that office,” Jackson makes a face when he talks about Jaebeom’s work. He has been to the office once and hated it, Jackson is also very passionate about his job. But he works as a personal trainer in a sports clinic, Jaebeom can see how much more exciting it can be. But he doesn’t see a problem with what he does, working with numbers gives Jaebeom the stability he doesn’t get in any other aspect of his life. 

“Maybe he found some pretty lady at work,” Jaebeom looks at Jinyoung and he expected his best friend to have a mocking expression but he is looking at Jaebeom seriously as if that’s a real possibility. 

“Cut it off,” Jaebeom tries before it gives the others any ideas, they are harder to tame with their ideas than Jinyoung but it is already too late. Because Jackson is asking if that isn’t the case and his mother is saying she wants to meet Jaebeom’s office girlfriend. Surprisingly enough Youngjae’s face comes to Jaebeom’s mind. He shakes his head trying to shake off the thought, he doesn’t know why he is thinking about the kid out of all the people that work with him. “Jinyoung-ah was right before, there’s no love life,” 

But they annoy him all night long, his mother insisting he has to start a life with some new woman already. It hasn’t even been that long since Jaebeom divorced Seolhyun, he thinks three years isn’t that long and he doesn’t have to get into anything new. He isn’t interested in living the hell life he had with her all over again. As happy as his best friends are together Jaebeom doesn’t think that’s for everyone. He is convinced just a few lucky people get to experience love like that. 

Jaebeom doesn’t ever put thought on having romantic encounters lately, he has been feeling too tired even for one night stands. He feels too old for it anyway. So he only has conversations about it when his family or friends bring it up, they are probably worried but Jaebeom couldn’t care less about finding someone. 

It’s his last night at the office before he flies to Australia, Jaebeom is working late in a report he doesn’t think he will be able to focus on once he is with Bomi. Pretty much everyone has left already so he is surprised when he sees Youngjae standing in front of his desk with big doe eyes staring at him. 

“Take me out for dinner, Ahjussi,” Youngjae says simply, it’s not a question it’s a statement. Jaebeom looks around and there’s no one else left in the office that could hear them. He doesn’t know what to say back to it, Youngjae raises both brows, “I also want drinks. It’s so cold, my arm hurts,”

Youngjae squeezes the arm that was previously broken making Jaebeom’s eyes go to it as well, Jaebeom sighs saving the changes he did on the report even though he is not even near finishing it and turning off his computer. 


	2. Winter jacket and pink nails

Youngjae and Jaebeom weren’t friends, they can’t be friends and they can’t be close in any way. The boy is Jaebeom’s subordinate so it’s awkward to say the minimum being in a bar with him. Jaebeom is even more uncomfortable with their age discrepancy that is pretty much obvious, he doesn’t really believe everyone at the place cares about them but he can feel a few looks in their direction. He ignores it as best as he can, Youngjae doesn’t show discontentment at all. While Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with himself, Youngjae just asks for more beer and soju completely uninterested in others, or in Jaebeom for that matter. 

Jaebeom has never been this untroubled when it comes to what are people's opinions on him, even if he has no idea who these strangers are and he will never get to see them again he can’t brush off his discomfort. He doesn’t think Youngjae is a carefree person in any way, but he sure is good at pretending he can’t see or feel what is happening around him whatever the situation might be. 

And on top of his initial discomfort, Youngjae isn’t paying him any attention, making things even worse. As he said he just wanted to eat and drink. Jaebeom ordered him pork ribs and fries, Youngjae was eating silently paying the food great attention. Jaebeom was left with no option but to look at him. This time Jaebeom allowed himself to watch the boy, he knew Youngjae would just ignore it. 

It integrated Jaebeom on why Youngjae would demand to come here with him when they have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. But he doesn’t want to ask about it, it’s just not a conversation he wants to have. Youngjae probably doesn’t have any special reason, and that’s what Jaebeom wants to keep believing in. So he goes for something safer, “does your arm hurt badly?”

Youngjae shakes his head and licks the sauce off of his lips, “not bad, it’s just the cold and painkillers don’t really help much.” 

“Should we go to the hospital again?” Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do in a situation like this, he doesn’t think drinking will help Youngjae’s arm and if it was someone from his family he would have taken them to see a doctor already. 

“You don’t need to worry about it, Ahjussi. I just wanted to guilt trip you into buying me food,” Youngjae shrugs, his sincerity throws Jaebeom off. Of course, Jaebeom is the one paying for the food and Youngjae doesn’t seem to mind it but saying it to his boss sounds a little bit too daring. 

“First, don’t call me like that, I’m your boss. And second, you were hurt and if you’re in pain you should let me know, not just use it to get free alcohol.” Youngjae doesn’t look like he cares or as if he even heard Jaebeom’s warning. In fact, Youngjae always behaves as if he doesn’t care about anything. It annoys Jaebeom in a way he thinks it shouldn’t. 

After it they don’t talk anymore, Jaebeom thought Youngjae would at least apologize or give some kind of explanation. But the boy is just so rude. They stay in silence, Youngjae eats and Jaebeom just steals a few fries but they aren’t that good. He thinks he should take Youngjae to a better place next time, but it hits him that next time shouldn’t and won’t happen. 

Jaebeom can’t be seen drinking with a kid, a kid that works at his department under his authority nonetheless. His brain doesn’t seem to agree with it, Jaebeom enjoys watching the way Youngjae eats. Even though he is rude and barely speaks to Jaebeom, watching him can be very relaxing. It doesn’t have to make sense if Jaebeom just ignores the thought. 

It’s past midnight and Jaebeom needs to go home, he still has to pack before his flight in the afternoon. He didn’t drink since he was going to drive, but Youngjae has drunk a lot. Jaebeom has to stop him from ordering another bottle of soju or they will never leave the place. He thinks he sees a small pout on the other’s lips but can’t be sure about it. 

“Did something happen?” When Youngjae just looks at him in confusion, Jaebeom clarifies. “You were drinking a lot if there’s a problem…” Not that it’s weird for someone to go out drinking. But Youngjae choosing to do it with a stranger instead of a friend reminds Jaebeom of himself when he just wants to forget his problems and not talk to anyone. He doesn’t want to intrude nor is he that interested but he asks just to make sure Youngjae is alright. 

Youngjae shakes his head this time his movements are a bit slow, “I didn’t want to go home. I guess.” 

“Is something wrong there? Do your parents treat you right?” Now that’s definitely none of his business, but just the thought of Youngjae living in a toxic household makes Jaebeom feel somehow protective over the boy. He thinks it’s just normal to worry but to his surprise, Youngjae smirks and almost smiles. 

“It’s just me. I just didn’t want to go home,” Youngjae gets out of the stool he was sitting on and almost trips on nothing. Jaebeom runs to his side but he doesn’t need to do anything, Youngjae catches himself before he can fall. “Let’s go, then,” 

“Let me drive you home,” it’s too late, and Youngjae had too much to drink, even though he doesn’t seem to be drunk at all there’s no way he will let Youngjae leave by himself. 

But again Youngjae shakes his head, everything he does is shake his head at Jaebeom as if he can’t accept anything the man says. “Nah,”

“Youngjae-ssi, it’s really cold and you had too much to drink. I don’t want you getting hit by a car again,” Jaebeom intends to say it lightly but it doesn’t seem to work. Youngjae squeezes his arm again once they are out of the bar and in the chilly air. 

“I don’t feel comfortable with it, Ahjussi.” Youngjae’s eyes are defiant under the moonlight, Jaebeom takes a step back. He doesn’t know if it’s the truth but it works, he can’t force Youngjae to give him his address and if he is more comfortable leaving alone Jaebeom has to accept it. Sure he could leave Youngjae a few blocks away from his place but it seems to be off the table as well.

He tries to convince Youngjae to let him pay for a taxi but the first time the boy declines it he lets it go, afraid he will make him even more uncomfortable.

“Okay. I’ll see you when I come back, Youngja-ssi. Please be careful,” not that Youngjae knows about the days he will take off, but Jaebeom says it anyway. “In the meantime, wear something warmer so your arm won’t ache so much.” 

This time Youngjae nods, he looks at Jaebeom one last time before he walks away without saying as much as a good-bye. Jaebeom wants to text him once he gets home to know if Youngjae made it home as well. But it would be too creepy, sure he got Youngjae’s number for emergencies. He had to have his employees’ contacts on his phone to be able to contact them, but he couldn’t be doing it just to know if Youngjae got home safe after they were out eating together. 

“I shouldn’t even be having meals with him,” Jaebeom sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose once he finally goes to bed. This would be the last time he did something like this. 

Luckily for Jaebeom, he doesn’t have to see Youngjae again for the next few days and every thought about the boy vanishes from his mind once he has to endure the long flight to Australia and what awaits for him. It wasn’t comfortable for him to go to a country where he didn’t know anyone but his ex-wife and her new husband. 

Jaebeom researched things to do with Bomi once he got there, even though she was living there now he wanted her to feel like she was in a small vocation with him. They haven’t had one in a long time. When Jaebeom got to Sidney he was dead tired, still, he just went to the hotel to take a shower and then went straight to Seolhyun’s place. 

They were living in a nice neighborhood, and it wasn’t an apartment like before but a big house with a large yard. Jaebeom was glad Bomi would have space to play there with her little brother and new friends. He hoped she would have a good life here.

“Come in,” Seolhyun greeted him with a tight smile, she didn’t seem to be in a good mood. She asked him about the trip, and what he thought of the place. Jaebeom was sleepy and tired, also he was more excited to see his daughter than to chit-chat with Seolhyun. “I know you want to see Bomi, I just want to talk to you first,”

Whenever Jaebeom hears this sentence coming from her mouth it doesn’t turn out well, “what is it this time?” He can see baby’s toys all over the place, it makes him miss it when Bomi was a baby. But he ignores the feeling. 

“I didn’t know how to talk about it over the phone… you know it’s been hard for her to adapt,” this ain’t any news for Jaebeom he has known it, he knew it would be hard but it’s taking too long for Bomi to feel at home here. “Last week, she got in a fight and beat a kid up,”

“She did what?” Jaebeom exclaims loudly, his daughter has never hurt anyone or anything. She was sweet and kind-hearted, “what did the other kid do to her?”

“Jaebeom, Bomi beat the kid up and you worry about what he did to deserve it? She shouldn’t be acting violently no matter what,” Seolhyun presses her lips together, “it was all that Karate thing you insisted on,”

“What does it have to do with anything?” Jaebeom knows his daughter has learned that Karate is supposed to be a form of self-defense and not attack. She has been taking classes since she was really small, it has never been a problem before. “You take her to a different country away from everything she has ever known, a whole new culture, she can’t adapt and it’s the Karate’s fault?” 

“Mom, when will dad--” Bomi walks in her eyes shining when she sees Jaebeom there. She runs to his lap and he barely gets a good look at her, she is squeezing Jaebeom as hard as she can with her weak arms. There are tears on her face once she lets go, she grew a little bit even though for Jaebeom it seems like she is way taller than the last time he saw her. 

He also notices her hair is short, it’s not even chin-length and she got really short bangs as well. It’s so badly cut Jaebeom is sure she did it herself. “Cool hair, Bommie-ah,” he musses her hair making her giggle. 

“Dad, I missed you so much!” She hugs him again, jumping on his lap. “When will we go home?” 

Jaebeom looks at her excited face with dry tears on her cheek and then at Seolhyun’s stern one, they haven’t decided yet if Bomi will go with him but she seems to be sure about going. “I missed you too, baby, missed you a lot. Now, tell dad how are things? Do you like your new school?” 

Bomi looks down before answering, blushing furiously, “didn’t _she_ tell you already?” 

“It’s mom, not ‘she’,” Seolhyun scolds her but Bomi pays her no mind. Jaebeom can feel how things are a little tense between them, Bomi probably got in trouble for the thing with the other kid and for cutting her own hair like this. 

“Dad, can we go now?” She begs, pulling his arm and getting off his lap as if to make him get up as well. Jaebeom wants to know why she wants to leave so badly, why she’s acting like this. Of course, she will be a teenager soon so it’s normal to rebel a little and her life has changed a lot but it’s so weird to see his sweet daughter so annoyed and with a frown on her face. 

Jaebeom decides they should go already, he will talk to her when they are alone, maybe it will go easier. He tells Seolhyun they will talk later too. For some reason, Bomi seems upset about it. Later she tells Jaebeom that her mom will talk badly about her. Jaebeom tries not to laugh at the absurdity of it, but it’s a little funny how Bomi thinks her mom would try to make her look bad as if she isn’t just trying to take care of her. 

She complains about Seolhyun all the way to the hotel, Jaebeom has to scold her about it, no matter his personal thoughts on the woman she is his kid’s mom. Jaebeom wants them to have a good relationship just like the one he has with his mom.

Bomi doesn’t want to go back home at night so Jaebeom doesn’t force it, he wants to spend as much time as possible with her anyway. The only problem is that she refuses to talk about what happened with the other kid at school, she doesn’t talk about anything related to her new life really. They only talk about how things are going back home, it’s starting to make Jaebeom frustrated because he came here to know how she is doing and if she’s happy living here. Well, she obviously isn’t. 

“Dad, can we go home tomorrow?” Bomi prompts while they watch TV late at night, she has been staying with him for the past two days. Today they went to the beach, it was quite warm and no matter how much sunblock Jaebeom had her putting on she was very much red now. He was worried she wanted to go home because it hurt or something like that. 

“I can take you in the morning if you want to have lunch with your mom,” he assures her, placing the back of his hand on her forehead to make sure she isn’t too warm. She seems to be fine for him. 

Bomi turns in her side to look at him and rolls her eyes, Jaebeom doesn’t like this new habit at all. “I mean _home_ home. I want to see Grandmas and Chaeryeong, and the snow too. Why is it not snowing here?” 

“Because it’s Summer,” it doesn’t seem to be a good enough explanation for her. And Jaebeom doesn’t even believe this is the main reason why she wants to go back to Korea right now. He planned on taking her since the beginning if that was ok with Seolhyun, and there’s no reason for them to stay here for long anyway. But he needs to know why she is so eager if it’s just because she misses it or something else. “I will take you to Seoul, but first I need to know why you beat your friend up.”

“He isn’t my friend. He called me names and pulled my hair! Am I not supposed to defend myself?” Jaebeom feels himself getting angry too quickly about the situation, of course, she is supposed to defend herself if someone bullies her. But it never happened before, and now on top of everything she’s going through she has to deal with a bully. 

Seolhyun should have told him about it, “and what happened after it?”

“They made me apologize!” Bomi exclaims angrily, she looks like him when he was a kid. Jaebeom would get in fights all the time, not just because he was defending himself as she did but because it was the easiest way for him to solve his problems, or get into worse ones. “Even mom had to apologize to his parents, Ed did too.”

“He didn’t apologize to you? You were the only part apologizing?” It’s not that Jaebeom thinks she shouldn’t have to apologize, she should, but the other kid should also apologize. She didn’t do it all by herself. 

“No! No one took my side!” Jaebeom hates hearing it, he wishes someone would have taken the time to hear her side of the story. He doesn’t really know if they didn’t but it’s obvious that she was the only one who took the blame. Jaebeom might be being biased since it’s his child and he will always think about her first but he doesn’t care. His father would always take his side too, he wouldn’t act any different with Bomi. 

After Jaebeom assures her he will buy their flight tickets to Korea she visibility calms down and relaxes, falling asleep right after it. Jaebeom texts Seolhyun saying they need to talk, if he can’t be with his daughter he needs to make sure at least she’s being taken care of. 

He takes Bomi to her home the next day so she can spend time with her mom and brother, and also prepare herself for the trip. Since it’s Saturday Ed is also home, Jaebeom didn’t want to see him. Whenever he does he feels crazily angry but also pathetic, and that’s the worse part for him. He doesn’t show it, he tries talking to them as naturally as possible. 

Jaebeom waits ‘till Bomi goes to her room to pack her bags, she won’t do it alone but Seolhyun allows her to start fixing things by herself. They sit outside in the backyard, it’s large and it has a pool and a barbecue, it’s quite pleasant. “It’s beautiful here,”

“Thank you, the kids love it,” Ed smiles at Jaebeom, he doesn’t know how he even can face Jaebeom as if nothing happened. Jaebeom shouldn’t be the uncomfortable one.

“Do they? Bomi doesn’t seem very happy,” 

“Don’t,” Seolhyun stops him, she knows very well where this conversation will lead them to. “She just needs time to adapt. It’s a huge change, but I’m sure it will all be fine soon.”

“No shit, it’s a huge change! When will she get used to it then? She said she has no friends. And when someone bullies her she is the one who has to apologize? She hates everything here, she misses her family. I asked you a thousand times to think about her first,” it doesn’t matter how nice this house is, it doesn’t matter to him how much money they are making if his daughter isn’t happy about any of it. “She won’t adapt,” 

“She will! It’s a matter of time.” Jaebeom doesn’t believe it for a second, and if things stay the way they are right now he won’t sit letting it all happen. He will do something about it, sure he will wait ‘till he is sure it can’t be helped but Jaebeom won’t watch his daughter suffer and not do anything about it. 

“Next time someone hurts her you take her side, not the other person’s.” He says walking away but Seolhyun and Ed go after him. 

“Hey man, do you think Bomi didn’t do anything? She almost broke the boy’s nose, it takes two to fight. You weren’t here, we need to teach her what’s right and what’s wrong,” Ed stops Jaebeom with his hand on his shoulder. It’s not demanding or rude, he does it just so Jaebeom will stop walking. It doesn’t matter though, Jaebeom feels his blood boiling in his veins, he shrugs it off angrily. 

“If you talk about her like this again your nose will be the broken one,” Jaebeom groans at the man that takes a step back. Jaebeom would never do that but it’s like they are trying him. 

Seolhyun pushes him away from her husband, “stop acting like you're still a teenager. You and your anger issues won’t be any help for Bomi. If anything you’ll just be a bad influence,”

Jaebeom looks at her for a long time, he hates it when she talks about him like he can’t think rationally as if he is just an ogre that solves everything with violence. Jaebeom hasn’t got into a fight since he was seventeen, and that was a long time ago. “I’ll get her in the morning, make sure she is ready.” He huffs before leaving the house, he doesn’t need anyone to show him the exit. 

Jaebeom had visited her school, and the other places she frequented like the sports center on the day prior. He wanted to make sure they were safe for her, of course, they were since Seolhyun was very picky about stuff like that but he needed to see it for himself. 

So on the day he spent without Bomi he didn’t have much to do, Jaebeom ate at the hotel’s restaurant and didn’t leave his room for anything other than that. 

When Jaebeom picked Bomi the other day she was overly excited to go with him. She told Jaebeom she could barely sleep and was up before 6 AM, even though he wouldn’t pick her up for another four hours. Even though she was very excited and happy about going back to Korea for a few days Bomi cried when she was saying good-bye to Seolhyun and her baby brother. 

It’s a little hard for Jaebeom to see his daughter crying every time she has to go with one of her parents, it’s like she feels sorry for the one staying behind. He really just wants things to get better for her, even if it hurts him to be away from her he hopes Bomi can get used to living in Australia soon. 

She behaved well in the flight, when Jaebeom came alone it was tiring but he was able to finish a book and start on a new one. With Bomi it’s still tiring, way more than when he was alone, and he can’t read anything if she is awake, but it’s way better like this. It feels like everything is in place now that his daughter is with him, it’s a different kind of happiness. It’s the only kind he experiences nowadays but he doesn’t mind it. It’s enough. 

Jaebeom can’t really take more days off of work, he can do some remote work but that’s it. He can’t stop going to the office altogether. So Bomi spends the days at his parents’ or with Seolhyun’s parents, and Jaebeom picks her up at the end of the day. He isn’t working late but he still has work to do when he gets home, he knows his daughter is getting bored not having much to do but she never complains about it. Jaebeom has a feeling she is afraid to complain and he will take her back to Australia sooner than he is supposed to. That’s why he is trying to make her have some fun whenever he can. 

Tonight he was going to take her and Chaeryeong to watch a kids movie at the cinema, but it’s snowing heavily. Bomi loves the snow but she can’t exactly enjoy it at the apartment, Jaebeom is trying to decide if they should spend the night at his parents’ place so she will be able to play a little. 

The habit of looking at the bus stop while he was driving home never went away. Jaebeom hasn't talked to Youngjae since they went to that bar last time. But he is always looking out for him at the bus stop when he leaves work. Out of habit. 

Youngjae was quieter than usual, not that he has ever been talkative or loud at the office. But Jaebeom is pretty sure he barely gets out of his desk these days. He can’t be sure cause he hasn’t exactly paid attention to it. What he does notice is Youngjae at the bus stop with his thin gray hoodie, it can’t be warm enough. Hell, he is in jeans and sneakers, it can’t be warm at all. Jaebeom wants to stop and take him home but he knows Youngjae won’t accept it, he feels uneasy thinking about how Youngjae’s arm must be aching right now. He does his best to not think much about it, it always makes him feel guilty, but it’s not his responsibility anymore. 

Jaebeom takes Bomi home with him and buys them pizza on the way. He wanted to have homemade food that his mom had brought for them but Bomi wanted pizza no matter what Jaebeom said. He spoiled her too much he was aware of it, but she was on break he thought it was her right to not follow the rules. 

Before going to bed Jaebeom looks for his warmest winter coat, he remembers buying it a few years ago. But he didn’t wear it a lot and it still looked new. He wonders if he should really do it or if he should just forget all about it. Maybe Jaebeom was getting too obsessed with the idea of giving Youngjae some kind of reparation. He decided against it and put the coat back on his wardrobe. 

He wakes up in the morning to Bomi jumping on his bed, she has a glass of juice and cookies with her. “Happy birthday, dad!” She yells from the top of her lungs. Jaebeom gives her a big smile hugging his daughter tightly. 

She explained that the juice and cookies were the only things she found in the kitchen for his birthday. She wasn’t allowed to use the stove so she couldn’t do anything. Not that Jaebeom cared about it. He made them breakfast like he did every day. 

Jaebeom wasn’t exactly thinking about his birthday, it’s not that he forgot about it but he was going to celebrate it on the weekend and it was still Wednesday. Birthdays aren’t that important once you stop getting cake or gifts. His mom still bakes him a cake every year, but it’s not the same, it’s not in a cat shape anymore. And gifts are usually functional things, not that Jaebeom wanted to get things that aren’t functional but they just aren’t fun. 

“I want to go to the office with you,” Bomi says as Jaebeom buttons his dress shirt. He gives her a look that clearly says ‘no’. There’s no way he is taking her to the office when it’s cold like this and there’s nothing for her to do, just for her to be bored and disturb others. She will just distract everyone at the office, mainly him. “Dad, please. It’s your birthday, we should be together _all day!_ ”

“Is that a rule now?” He mocks but she is on a mission. While he fixes his hair she runs to her own room and comes back in less than five minutes all ready to go, she even tied her hair the best she could with it being so short. “Are you ready to go see grandma?”

“No, dad! I’m going with you. Please, please,” Jaebeom only says ‘no’ three more times, then he is telling her she needs to be quiet since people are working at the office, and if she doesn’t behave he will take her to his mom at lunch break. He is pretty sure she will be begging to leave before that anyway, it’s too boring for a kid there.

On the way there Jaebeom stops at a clothing store. He wasn’t planning on it, it was his muscle memory working because when he notices it he is already parking in front of it. And it’s an expensive brand since it’s a place where he usually buys clothes for himself. Maybe he should have planned it instead of just going for it. Jaebeom asks Bomi’s help to pick something someone young would wear. Which for her translates as leather with spikes. It does not help at all. 

So he just picks a black jacket that seems warm enough, it’s plaid on the inside and Youngjae will probably be able to use both ways but still simple. Jaebeom tries on the jacket just to make sure it would fit Youngjae, is tight but the other isn’t as broad as him so he thinks it will do. 

“Who is that for, dad?” Bomi only asks when they are back in the car and Jaebeom has already paid for the jacket. He asks her to take the price tag off. Jaebeom wanted to keep the tag so Youngjae could get something else if the jacket he picked didn’t fit him. But he couldn’t let the boy see how much he paid for the thing. Jaebeom would have to hope for the best. 

“It’s for a friend,” he tells her. And then she tries to guess which friend all the way to the office building. Jaebeom doesn’t know half the names she is saying. 

When they get to the office everyone stops what they are doing, they are divided between wishing Jaebeom a happy birthday and complimenting Bomi on how much she has grown. She can be quite shy but she loves to be complimented, so she is glowing at the comments. Jaebeom has to stop the commotion and tell everyone to just go back to work. 

He finds a chair for Bomi so she can sit by his side. Jaebeom gives her paper to draw but she takes a nail polish from her pocket and starts painting her nails instead. Apparently drawing is for babies now. He leaves her side for a moment before making sure she is distracted enough. 

“Youngjae-ssi, help me with some documents.” Jaebeom has the paper bag with him, Youngjae doesn’t say anything but follows him to the printer. Jaebeom never asks for his help, he can do whatever he needs himself but Youngjae doesn’t comment on it. “That’s for you,” he hands him the bag without any explanation. 

Youngjae takes it and examines the coat, he looks at Jaebeom and his breath catches on his throat. It’s like Youngjae’s eyes are about to destroy him, Jaebeom regrets buying the thing. But different from what he thought would happen, Youngjae doesn’t reject the gift right away. “Why are you giving me this? Shouldn’t I be the one giving you something, Ahjussi?” 

Jaebeom ignores the comment, he doesn’t expect Youngjae to give him anything on his birthday. Not even to acknowledge it. “It’s too cold for you to dress so lightly, you’ll get sick, you know.”

“Ok.” Youngjae’s eyes are still dark and Jaebeom can’t really tell if he is thankful or if he will even wear it. Jaebeom hopes he will. “Your daughter is cute,” Youngjae says out of nowhere. 

It takes Jaebeom by surprise but he gives Youngjae a small smile, “thank you.” 

“She must have taken after her mom,” Youngjae goes back to his desk and Jaebeom has his eyes fixed at the back of his head for long minutes ‘till he snaps out of it and goes back to his own desk.

It takes him a while to start being productive again, Jaebeom stares at the computer screen without doing anything. He never knows when Youngjae is mocking him, if he is joking around or if he finds Jaebeom the most ridiculous person in the universe. It doesn’t matter what Youngjae thinks of him, Jaebeom tells himself but it’s hard to take the boy’s blank expression out of his mind. 

Bomi is being so quiet Jaebeom almost forgets she is there with him, she shows him her nails and after she is done he has to tell her to use her earphones when she is playing on her phone, other than that she doesn’t do much else. They have lunch with his office colleagues, Jaebeom notes how Youngjae is the only one that doesn’t eat with them. 

Jaebeom only has two more hours of his shift and then he will be able to leave. He is trying to come up with what they should do tonight, he will ask if Bomi wants to go ice skating but when he looks to his side she isn’t there. Jaebeom doesn’t freak out because he knows she wouldn’t be able to leave the building, nor does he have the time to do that as soon as he turns around he notices she didn’t even leave the office. 

Bomi is sitting with Youngjae, Jaebeom can’t see exactly what they are doing but Bomi is smiling at something Youngjae said. And Youngjae is also smiling, Jaebeom has never seen him smile before. He doesn’t know what to do, he is glued to his chair as he watches them. Jaebeom told Bomi she wasn’t supposed to sit with anyone in the office but him, he was the director and he knew people would pretend it was ok but he didn’t want her to disturb them. 

Youngjae didn’t seem to mind at all. Quite the contrary it was the first time he didn’t look like he would rather be anywhere else but at work. Jaebeom decides to not do anything, if Youngjae ignores her she will just go back and that will probably happen soon. 

He keeps looking their way and not even once is Youngjae focused on his work and not talking to Bomi. He is talking animatedly with her, Jaebeom can tell by their happy expressions since he can’t hear anything. He spends two hours in agony ‘till he can finally leave. Jaebeom doesn’t even know why he is so nervous but as soon as he finishes analyzing the balance sheet of a company they provide service for he is getting his stuff and walking to Youngjae’s desk. 

They don’t even notice Jaebeom at first, he clears his throat in a warning way so he can get their attention. “Bommie-yah, what did I say about disturbing people’s work?” 

When Jaebeom looks down he notices Youngjae has pink nail polish on his nails, it’s not the best work in the world, it was obviously made by a kid. Jaebeom can’t believe Youngjae would let Bomi do it. Jaebeom never allowed her to do it, he has to work so he can’t have his nails painted. Youngjae is getting his nails done at his workplace. God, he doesn’t care at all. 

“Youngjae-oppa doesn’t mind it, dad,” Bomi replies simply, and Youngjae nods at him with a mocking expression in his face. 

“If I’m being honest I really needed a break from work, Ahjussi,” Youngjae smirks at him. Jaebeom wants to scold him so badly for calling him like that again, he is his boss. They aren’t close and people could hear him, not a lot of people have left just yet. He is pretty sure the reason Youngjae called him like that was because he knew he could get away with it. Jaebeom hasn’t scolded him about it enough. 

Jaebeom ignores it and tells Bomi to say her good-byes. She doesn’t hug Youngjae but she half hugs his arm saying she had lots of fun. 

“I had fun too, Bomi-yah.” Youngjae musses her hair in the same way Jaebeom likes doing, it’s already a mess since she couldn’t get it all tied but now is like she just woke up. Bomi giggles all the way to the car. 

Jaebeom hates it, he isn’t jealous. He had to work on not being jealous of Ed since the man spends way more time with his daughter than he does. So it’s not like he would mind Bomi having fun with Youngjae. But he can’t deny that it bugs him that out of everyone for her to play at the office she chose the boy and he gave her attention when he doesn’t talk to anyone there. He doesn’t think Youngjae did it just because she is Jaebeom’s daughter, the boy doesn’t care about stuff like that. He probably likes kids. 

It’s not something Jaebeom wants to think about, but Bomi won’t shut up about Youngjae all the way home. They go ice skating and she wants to invite Youngjae, Jaebeom has to tell her to stop talking about the boy. It only works ‘till they go back home and she starts again. “Youngjae-oppa is so, so cool, dad.”

“He isn’t your oppa, don’t call him like that,” Jaebeom says, annoyed at how she’s acting as if Youngjae is close to her, they just hung out once. And that was already the sixth time she said it since they got home, “and why is he cool?” He decides to humor her this time, abandoning the documents he was reading to give her his complete attention. 

“He let me paint his nails, he let me play with his hair. Isn’t his hair super awesome, dad?” Jaebeom didn’t see Bomi playing with Youngjae’s hair, he is grateful for that. Youngjae has long hair, not too long but it isn’t short either, right now his fringe is longer than Bomi’s. It’s always over his eyes, Jaebeom can’t say it’s exactly cool but he nods at Bomi so she can keep going. “He also likes Barbie movies,”

Jaebeom narrows his eyes, Bomi went through a phase where she said she didn’t like Barbie movies anymore. Jaebeom had to assure her it wasn’t a childish thing to like and that it was fine to like it. So now she was more obsessed than before. He just doubted Youngjae also enjoyed them. 

“He said he hasn’t watched any in a long time though,” probably since he was a kid Jaebeom thinks. Which wasn’t that long ago his brain supplies. “His favorite one is Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper. He even sang the OST for me. Did you know he can sing?”

“Did he really?” Jaebeom crinkles his nose. He doesn’t believe Youngjae would be able to sing a movie OST if he didn’t really like it. As much as he doesn’t think animation is a kid’s thing, he finds it amusing that Youngjae is a 21-years-old that still remembers a Barbie song. 

Jaebeom can understand why Bomi is so impressed. He would be impressed if he were a kid and someone gave him so much attention as well. Bomi has been bored and only hanging out with old people. Jaebeom knows it can’t be the best thing in the world for a pre-teen to be surrounded by old people all the time and she probably wants to play with someone younger. Even a young adult will do it, it seems. 

The next day she wants to go to the office again and she doesn’t have the excuse of it being Jaebeom’s birthday again. This time he doesn’t give in, Jaebeom takes her to her aunt’s house, she has cousins, and even though it is very far from his place and from the office building Jaebeom does it. It’s the only way she will stop complaining about not seeing Youngjae again. Also, she has to see as many relatives as possible while she is in Seoul. 

Jaebeom notices the coat he gifted Youngjae laying on the boy’s chair when he gets to the office. He feels something warm on his stomach knowing Youngjae isn’t walking around feeling cold anymore. He also notices Youngjae still has the pink nail polish in his nails. Jaebeom finds himself thinking it’s cute that he kept it. 

When he goes out for lunch Jaebeom buys a chicken sandwich that he puts on Youngjae’s desk while the boy is away. Jaebeom has no idea where he is but he knows he didn’t go to any restaurant and didn’t bring lunch either. When Youngjae is back to his desk Jaebeom watches as he looks at the sandwich but doesn't eat it, he puts it on his backpack. Youngjae doesn’t look at Jaebeom not even once. 

They go to Jackson and Jinyoung’s apartment on the weekend to celebrate Jaebeom’s birthday. They usually go to a restaurant, or to a bar when it’s just the three of them. They were supposed to have cake this year, his mom was going to make it. But Jackson insisted on doing it himself. Just as Jaebeom expected it tasted awful. “It’s what health tastes like,” Jackson protests as everyone starts complaining about it. 

“No one wants a birthday cake to taste like health, uncle… there’s no sugar here,” Bomi complains, playing with her slice around the plate. No one but Jackson and Jinyoung is able to eat it. 

“Next year, I’ll make you a sweet and beautiful cake, son.” His mom is fixing their plates so they can eat the food she brought for them to have dinner. “I’ll make a special one,”

“It has to be, Jaebeommie will be turning 40. God, you’re so old,” Jackson’s mouth is full of the greenish cake. It disgusts Jaebeom to have to look at it. He just rolls his eyes at the comment though, Jackson and Jinyoung will be turning 40 next year too. And Jaebeom tries to pretend he doesn’t care about it, he had a crisis when he turned 30 already, it shouldn’t be that big of a deal anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time, he doesn’t know why he cares about it now. 

Thanks God his mother brought food or they would go home hungry after the healthy cake. Her food is delicious, Jaebeom eats ‘till he is completely full. And so does everyone else. Bomi is trying to engage them in playing games but everyone is tired and full. “You’re all so boring. Youngjae-oppa would play with me.”

“And who would be this ‘Youngjae-oppa’?” Jinyoung raises his brow at her, Jaebeom knows it when his friend is about to tease someone. He probably thinks it’s a friend of Bomi that she has a crush on. 

“Dad’s friend,” Bomi replies nonchalantly, oblivious to everyone’s eyes turning to Jaebeom. Jaebeom doesn’t have a lot of friends, and the ones he does everyone know about. And they don’t know any ‘Youngjae’. 

“He is not dad’s friend, baby, he works at the office. We are not friends,” Jaebeom gives her a look as to say to let it go, it doesn’t work. 

“You bought him a jacket and you said it was for a friend.” Bomi has no idea of the mess she is putting Jaebeom in. He will have a talk with her about not spilling everything that happens to them to others. 

Jinyoung is smirking and is all Jaebeom can look at, he is sure everyone else is looking at him but is his best friend he is worried about. “I guess that solves the whole ‘office girlfriend’ enigma then.”

“Shut up, Jinyoung-ah!” Jaebeom whispers-yell and it makes his friends laugh, his parents don’t say anything, Jaebeom is afraid of what they would say. He tries to change the subject. It doesn't work very well because it seems like Bomi still has a lot of things to tell about how amazing Youngjae is and how much knowledge he has on Barbie movies. 

Jaebeom makes up an excuse so they can leave already, his parents leave as well. They walk together to the building park. His mom waits for Bomi to get inside the car to approach Jaebeom. “Son, you’re not seeing this man Bommie talked about, right?”

He can’t believe he is hearing it from his mom. It’s just so absurd. Jaebeom has never dated a man, Seolhyun is the only person he has ever dated. Once they divorced Jaebeom slept around but never dated again. Jaebeom has only kissed a man once, in a club but he is pretty sure his mom doesn’t know about it. He sure didn’t tell her. Jaebeom didn’t tell anyone. 

“Mom!” His eyes bulge. 

“What? I need to ask,” His father is already in the car and he is looking at them with an impatient face. Jaebeom wishes his mom would just go already. “That would be… You know we love Jinyoung as if he was our kid, but it’s different. You have a daughter, it might be confusing.” 

“Mom, he is just a kid! I’m not seeing him or anyone.” Jaebeom ignores the part where she pretty much says he being with a man wouldn’t be a good idea. It’s not on his plans anyway, but it stings. Knowing she is fine with Jinyoung’s sexuality but wouldn’t be with him makes him feel uncomfortable with himself. He remembers his parents being surprised when Jinyoung came out, but they got used to it quickly. Why would it be different if it was him? 

Jaebeom feels his face burning in shame for having this conversation with his mom. Mainly because this is about Youngjae, he would never see the boy like this. It’s just so wrong. Everything about it is wrong. His mom tells him that it’s better like this and then hugs him goodbye. 

Jaebeom waits ‘till his parents leave to get inside the car. Bomi is fast asleep once he drives them home. He tries not to think about anything. 

They don’t have many more days together. Jaebeom can’t go back to Australia but Seolhyun comes so she can take Bomi with her. She visits her family for just about two days, then she takes Bomi with her. Jaebeom drives them to the airport and is super uncomfortable being in the car with Seolhyun after so long. They make small talk for Bomi’s sake. 

It doesn’t help much, Bomi just like the first time cries all the way there, but this time is worse because she doesn’t stop crying once they get to the airport. If anything she cries harder and louder. It breaks Jaebeom’s heart all over again. It’s like it will keep happening every time he has to see his daughter. It will always end with her crying at the airport. 

When he talks to Seolhyun again she tells him she cried in the plane as well and this time it was harder to calm her down. Jaebeom thinks Bomi didn’t quite understand how it would be to go so far away the first time. But now she knew what it meant and it only became harder for her. Jaebeom hoped it would get better soon, it had to. 

He asked Youngjae to go out to drink with him after their shift the next day. Jaebeom thought Youngjae would be up to it since he was so friendly to Bomi. He knows he said it wouldn’t happen again, and it shouldn’t but Jaebeom just wanted to get drunk without needing to talk about how he was feeling. Youngjae was perfect for that because he wouldn’t even look at Jaebeom, imagine talking. 

But Youngjae said he couldn’t go, that he needed to work. Jaebeom didn’t get what he was talking about since he left at the usual time. He tried to pay it no mind, Jaebeom just went home and got drunk by himself. 

They had the monthly party for people born in January at the end of the month, it was just everyone from the department eating together and gossiping. It wasn’t really a party but a way to socialize and to show everyone was important at the workplace. Jaebeom has banished gifts a few years ago, sometimes people wouldn’t get gifts at all but if it was someone in a higher status they would get a lot of gifts and expensive ones. It was very uncomfortable. 

Today was the first time Jaebeom saw Youngjae in one of these parties, he would always leave before it started even though the thing was held at work time. The boy wasn’t talking to anyone, he was just eating and drinking Cola by himself in a corner. Youngjae was a lonely person, this much was obvious, but he didn’t act like someone that cared about it, that was desperate to have connections. It was just who he was.

Jaebeom didn’t think about approaching him. He thought keeping some distance from Youngjae was the best thing to do, even more so in public. Having his family wonder what kind of relationship he had with Youngjae was bad enough, he didn’t need his colleagues to think about it as well. 

He was talking about a bad investment that made a lot of people lose money recently with Jongho, who had worked with people who were affected by it. When Youngjae interrupted them with a light touch on his shoulder. Youngjae doesn’t say anything but Jongho excuses himself, it’s obvious that Youngjae wants to talk with Jaebeom alone. 

“Bomi-ssi said you like cats,” Youngjae gives him a paper bag, it’s the same one Jaebeom gave him, Jaebeom was shy about seeing it again, being reminded about the jacket. When Jaebeom looks at it there’s a box and inside it a keyring. It’s the weird cat with the creepy grin from Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, it’s nothing fancy. Jaebeom thinks it’s a joke, Youngjae can’t seriously give him this. “He is weird, right? When I was a kid I’d be scared of him whenever I saw his face,”

“That’s why you’re giving me this, Youngjae-ssi? So it will scare me?” Jaebeom whispers so no one will hear them, he’s looking right into Youngjae’s eyes. They are different today. Not dark as usual. He can’t help getting closer to the boy so he can have a better look at them. 

“No,” but he doesn’t explain it any further. Jaebeom takes his car key and puts it on the keyring right there in front of Youngjae so the boy knows he will use it. 

It’s just when he hears a loud laugh from his right side that Jaebeom remembers where they are and that they aren’t alone, he takes two steps back. “We have a no gifts policy,” he says even though it’s too late to not accept it, he is already using it. 

Youngjae knows it as well so he just shrugs. Jaebeom looks at the creepy grin on the cat’s face for a while ‘till he pockets the thing. Youngjae leaves the room as soon as he gives Jaebeom the gift. Jaebeom goes talk to other people and he stays ‘till everyone else leaves, he expects someone to comment on what happened. 

Jaebeom knows someone must have seen it, the room is small and it’s crowded with people. But if they see something they don’t comment on it. Jaebeom is relieved, he doesn’t know how he would explain accepting something from Youngjae when no one else is allowed to do it. It will look like he is making exceptions for the boy. He also wouldn’t know how to explain that Youngjae is gifting him when he doesn’t speak to anyone at the company. 

The keyring doesn’t scare Jaebeom, of course, it doesn’t. He wouldn’t be scared of such a thing, but the way he thinks about Youngjae whenever he looks at it annoys the hell out of Jaebeom. Jackson comments on it, he says it’s the ugliest thing he has ever seen and Jaebeom gets defensive saying it was a gift. 

Jaebeom regrets it instantly, he never tells who gave it to him but they assume it was Youngjae anyway. He doesn’t know why they are so obsessed with the boy. They will always bring him up, Jaebeom could understand they were teasing him at first but it should have lost its appeal by now. Bomi never forgets about Youngjae either, she will mention him from time to time on their calls. 

She is the only person Jaebeom shows the keyring proudly, she’s excited about Youngjae giving it to him and wants to see the thing by herself soon. That’s all she talks about when they call each other, coming back to Korea. Jaebeom thought she would be fine by now, it’s been long months but she isn’t. And it’s starting to worry Seolhyun as well. 

They couldn’t have the kid traveling all the time when she had school to attend to. They would have to wait ‘till Summer to see how things would be like. 

It worried Jaebeom a lot. At least he had work to distract himself, now he was back at staying in the office ‘till late hours. He kept buying sandwiches and placing it on Youngjae’s desk when he wasn’t around, it was hard for the office to be completely empty. So Jaebeom has given up on hiding it from others, Youngjae was the only one he made sure didn’t see him putting the sandwich there. 

It was probably obvious for Youngjae that it was Jaebeom doing it though. But he was lucky Youngjae never commented on it or ate it at the office. The sense of responsibility Jaebeom had with Youngjae didn’t make any sense. The way he was always worried about the boy wasn’t an usual thing for him, but Jaebeom wasn’t trying to find a reason for that anymore. It didn’t matter. He could be a friendly boss to Youngjae. 

Sometimes he wanted to invite Youngjae to eat with him. But after the boy declined it the first time Jaebeom would feel like he was pressuring him somehow. So he just waited ‘till Youngjae would feel like it and ask him himself, even if it was just to get free food. He doesn’t do it again though. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the way i lied and i don't have a draft for the next chapter, turns out it's not fun at all to do that  
> the way i also lied about this not having a lot of chapters, i thinking.. next chapter more 2jae tho for sure  
> btw idk if i'll put A LOT of elements from 'my ahjussi', i want to but im worried it might not bring anything new so i'll think better about it untill the next chapter  
> anyway i hope you liked it and wear your mask !


	3. Fall for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternative title for both this chapter and fic: handsome ahjussi who buys me food (yes bc of pretty noona who buys me food)

Jaebeom has been on the phone with Seolhyun for almost one hour now, he had a bunch of missing calls from her when he got home from work. He wasn’t even worried about it anymore, at this point he expected her to call him to talk about Bomi at least once a week. And the subject of the calls was almost always the same, it would be weird for Jaebeom if it changed at the point. It was always about how Bomi got into a fight again, at first Seolhyun would tell Jaebeom about the girl talking back at adults but it doesn’t even seem that important anymore. Not when she gets into worse problems weekly. 

At first, Jaebeom felt a little guilty for not reprimanding Bomi the last time he saw her, he felt like he might have helped with her behavior. But not anymore, he has tried everything he could to help ease things for her. He talked to her about the way she was acting to the point his daughter got angry at him as well. Now she isn’t mad just at her mom, she is also mad at Jaebeom, and at the rest of the world as well. Seolhyun suggested family therapy, and that’s what Bomi and her have been doing for the past month. It hasn’t been any help. 

“This is just ridiculous. Just let her come back home,” Jaebeom has had an exhausting day at work. In fact, it has been exhausting weeks, he has so many things to worry about and work is being tough. He just wants to solve this thing with Bomi for once, “you considered sending her to the United to live with your sister a few years back so she could study. This is obviously not about you not wanting to be away from her.”

“It is not,” Seolhyun agrees, making it obvious for Jaebeom that the problem for her might be in Bomi being with him. 

He scoffs not believing it. “Are you serious? She is my daughter, I can take care of her! Would you rather she getting in fights and being suspended from school every other week than living with her own father? This is bullshit and you know it,”

“It’s not about you, Jaebeom. She is almost a teenager, she needs someone to keep a close eye on her, and you’re barely at home. Do you think I don’t want what is best for her? I do, but going back to Korea just so she can be left alone all day won’t be any help,” 

Jaebeom stays quiet for a long time, he wants to hang up but it won’t solve anything. Bomi coming back is the best solution, of course, it will be a big change again and she will still have problems but it’s their best option. All their problems started when she had to leave. Seolhyun is sort of right though, Jaebeom isn’t at home as much as he should be if he wants to raise a kid. And it’s not like he can rely on others for help all the time. His mom would always help but it’s not fair to her. 

“I can do it. I can try to reduce my work hours, spend more time at home,” Jaebeom is already thinking about how he can do it. Seolhyun stops his thoughts. 

“I’ve heard this same promise many times before, you know.” She tells him and Jaebeom hates whenever she reminds him of when they were married. It didn’t work, but it was their fault not only his. It’s not ‘cause Jaebeom couldn’t do his best before that he will never be able to do things differently. 

“You know, it’s not just up to you. I get to decide about her life too,” and then they argue about it ‘till Jaebeom can’t stand to hear Seolhyun’s voice anymore. He never thought raising a child with someone else would be this hard. Having different opinions was normal but having to fight over what is best for their kid every time wasn’t on his plans when he decided they should have a kid. 

And he really meant it when he said it wasn’t just up for Seolhyun, she had the custody but Jaebeom wouldn’t just let it be. Sure, he couldn’t just take Bomi with him but he was going to talk with Jinyoung about it again. He has to try something, anyone can see that it’s in Bomi's best interest to move back to Korea. He worries about it until he falls asleep on the couch, without taking a shower or eating anything. 

Jaebeom wasn’t exactly paying attention to himself these days. He often would go for drinks with his coworkers after their shift and that was the most human interaction he was getting other than the hours on the phone talking to Bomi or about her. It’s not that he didn’t have time to see his parents or to take better care of himself, but it was not his priority right now. Jaebeom had a lot of projects to supervise and it was good to keep his mind busy but it also made him feel like maybe Seolhyun was right about him not being able to work less. 

Three other investment specialists that worked with him had their chairs by Jaebeom’s desk. They usually worked together on big projects, but today Jaebeom was too tired and their presence was making him unease. He just couldn’t focus on what was going on. Jaebeom could feel eyes on him, he didn’t need to look, Jaebeom knew it was Youngjae. It made him tenser, feeling over conscious about the way he spoke and even the way he sat. 

Lately, he has caught Youngjae staring at him a lot. The boy doesn’t even mind it when Jaebeom stares back, it makes Jaebeom even more uncomfortable. Normal people look away when you catch them staring, not Youngjae apparently. He isn’t normal. So he stopped staring back, losing all the hope that Youngjae would get the hint. He should be used to it by now but he wasn’t, it was too uncomfortable to work like this. 

Jaebeom sat in a way that one of his coworkers was blocking him from Youngjae, this way he could talk a bit more freely, but he was still very tired so he couldn’t really be that helpful. He was just taking notes of the other’s ideas so he could analyze them later. He couldn’t be more grateful when they paused the analyzes to have lunch. Not that Jaebeom was hungry he just needed a break from all the talking. 

Buying chicken sandwiches for Youngjae was part of Jaebeom’s routine by now. Even though he couldn’t stand the boy staring at him all the time and Jaebeom got a little mad at it he never thought about stopping buying him food. He was at the coffee shop downstairs ordering it but before Jaebeom could put his hands on the sandwich, someone else was taking it from the counter. “Thank you, Sunbaenim.” Jinhyuk bows at him with a smile on his face. 

“What--” Jaebeom starts not believing it when the other man starts unfolding the packing, he wants to take it back but there’s no use anymore. He should just get another sandwich, Jinhyuk pulls him to an unoccupied table before he can do so. 

“Jaebeom-sunbaenim, you take such good care of your employees,” he is being extra loud as he speaks and takes bites from the sandwich that wasn’t meant to him. “When I and my with had the twins you helped a lot, I see you still take care of the younger ones,”

“What is going on here, Jinhyuk-ssi?” Jaebeom whispers not liking the looks they are getting. He should get something to eat before he has to go back to the office. 

“You know, Subaenim, I love my kids. And I try to be as good to them as you are to everyone in the office, you inspire me a lot. But I always try to remind myself to treat them equally,” Jinhyuk wiggles his brows and raises his hand with the sandwich, Jaebeom has no idea what he is talking about but he has a feeling he will find out soon. “Mainly because I don’t want one of them to feel like I favor the other one,”

“Is this going somewhere? I’d love to hear about your parenting but I don’t know if it’s a good time,” Jaebeom says annoyed, not because of the conversation but because the man is almost done with the food that was supposed to go to Youngjae. 

Jinhyuk nods at him, the man has been working here for five years Jaebeom thinks. He is young and passionate, Jaebeom never got close to him but he helped him as much as he could when the man and his wife found out she was having twins. Still, their relationship is mainly professional, so Jaebeom has no idea why he is acting like this. 

“If I were to buy candy for one of the girls and not for the other, it would not look good for me, right? And the other one would sulk. So if I can’t buy it for all of them I’d better not buy anything at all,” Jinhyuk smiles as if this is supposed to make sense. Realization hits Jaebeom after a while, this is about Youngjae, it’s always about him. “You are so respected in the firm, Sunbaenim, but people are starting to think you might favor Youngjae-ssi.” He finally clears the situation after he sees that Jaebeom gets what he is talking about.

“They think I favor Youngjae-ssi because I buy him food once in a while?” It’s not once in a while Jaebeom knows that and he is grateful Jinhyuk doesn’t call him out on that. 

“It’s the sandwiches, yes, but it’s also him getting late almost every day and the way he barely does his work but gets away with it.” It’s not even true, Youngjae gets late at work but it’s not even a big deal, and also he does his work well. People at the office just hate that he always has his earphones on and never answers when spoken to. 

So maybe Jaebeom can see why that’s all a problem for them, but he doesn’t favor Youngjae in any way, he just doesn’t think he is neglecting his work. Youngjae does everything he has to, it’s enough for Jaebeom. 

“I understand, but I’m just taking care of my employee,” Jaebeom is done with this conversation. He leaves the table going to the elevator, he doesn’t even feel like buying himself food anymore. Jinhyuk follows him. 

“I didn’t mean it as if I think you are favoring him, it’s just not good for you to have people talking behind your back, director-nim. I’m trying to help,” Jinhyuk assures him, Jaebeom nods not saying anything back.

He understands what Jinhyuk was trying to say, people talking about this can’t be good for Jaebeom. But he can’t bring himself to thank the other man for letting him know. Jaebeom loves working at the firm, he values it very much but this is not something he thinks people should be minding.

As much as he doesn’t want to care Jaebeom stops buying the sandwiches after it, he tries to look for any kind of reaction from Youngjae but he can’t sense anything. Of course, he wouldn’t bright it up but Jaebeom thought Youngjae would look at least surprised or disappointed, but it’s like nothing changed for him. He never stops staring at Jaebeom, but it’s not like the man can read anything in his eyes. 

  
  
  
  


After hours in a meeting that seemed to never end, Jaebeom had to follow Mark to his office, he thinks it’s about something they couldn’t talk about in the meeting or something that Jaebeom’s team had to work on. He wasn’t expecting Mark to talk to him about a promotion, Jaebeom loved his work and obviously he wanted to get to the top of his career, but it was not the right time for that.

“What do you mean you can’t? Is this some sort of weird joke? Jaebeom, do you understand the implications of becoming the managing director, right? It’s the highest position you can get here, it’s the top.” Mark explains it as if Jaebeom doesn’t know that already. He never really aimed for it, at least not anymore. Hyunjae has been the managing director for a long time. 

“I-- yes, I understand. But right now it’s not a good moment for me,” Jaebeom has to focus on Bomi, on getting her back. If he gets even more responsibilities it will be impossible, and he needs to prioritize his daughter. 

“This is _the_ moment for you, we need to take Hyunjae out of the position, you and Hoyoung were the Administration’s option but now it’s just you,” Mark says a little pained, probably because Hoyoung has resigned last month so Jaebeom is the only option they still have. Mark works at the Administration as well and he is the right-hand man of the firm founder. His biggest responsibility is to make things work as the old man wants them to. 

Jaebeom narrows his eyes at the man in front of him, it makes no sense that Hoyoung would resign right before getting a promotion. He was the strongest name to take the managing director position. He has been working at the firm for almost thirty years, it just doesn’t sum up. “What happened to Hoyoung exactly?” 

Mark sighs, he asks his secretary to get them coffee, and just after they get it he starts telling Jaebeom about the resignation. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know exactly what happened. He already knew about the promotion possibility, he was eager for that but one day out of the blue he just decided to leave,”

Jaebeom scoffs as if he will believe this. “I don’t think that’s what happened, and I also don’t think you don’t know his reasons. Come on, Mark, you know everything that happens in this building and out of it as well.”

“Well, I have an idea,” he rubs his eyes tiredly, “we think there’s a spy working for Hyunjae and he got Hoyoung doing something he shouldn’t. Now, I don’t know if he was threatened to resign or if the information the spy had got to the big boss and he decided to give Hoyoung the chance to leave on his own terms. But it’s one of those two,”

“A spy?” It sounds like something out of a movie, a spy prying into people’s lives because of a position in a firm. “So, if I’m up to this I’ll have a spy trying to get information about everything I can possibly have ever done?”

“You have always been an option, Jaebeom. Whoever is this spy person they already have information on you as well, are you worried about it?” Mark takes a sip of his coffee as if he just told Jaebeom that it might rain or not, just something ordinary. Not that there’s someone in this building that might know everything about his life. 

“Yes? It’s my life exposed to people I don’t even know,” Jaebeom exclaims angrily. “I don’t want no part in this,”

“There’s nothing you can do but keep a low profile, we will do whatever it takes to protect you and to make sure you will get the position. Don’t worry.”

Of course, Jaebeom is worried, he doesn’t think he has ever done something that could be used against him but it doesn’t mean he wants someone knowing everything about his life. Also, he can’t get this position right now anyway. He doesn’t know how to explain to Mark that he will try to open a case to get Bomi’s custody if he can’t get in an agreement with Seolhyun. But he knows having to manage the entire firm won’t work in his favor. 

He leaves the other man's office trying to put his thoughts in place, Jaebeom hears a commotion but it doesn’t bother him ‘till the voices start getting louder and louder. Jaebeom runs all the way to his team’s office, no one is at their desk, he tries to understand what is going on in the middle of the confusion. One of the accountants is yelling at someone else in the printing room. 

Jaebeom knows who he is yelling at by the lack of response the man is getting, he pushes people out of the way, they stop talking when they notice Jaebeom, but the man yelling at Youngjae doesn’t stop. “Get away from him, right now,” he doesn’t have to yell for Peter to hear him, the man looks at Jaebeom and then he takes a step away but his face looks just as aggressive as before. 

Jaebeom has been at the meeting all day so he hasn’t been to the office yet, he hasn’t seen Youngjae so he is shocked when he sees the boy’s face covered in bruises, his bottom split. There’s no way someone hit him here in the office if that was the case his face wouldn’t be looking like that already. Still, Jaebeom feels like punching Peter for that, for thinking he can hurt the boy in any way and at their workplace of all places. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He demands it from Peter but everyone starts speaking at the same time, trying to explain to Jaebeom what happened. He doesn’t want to hear a word from them. “Be quiet! You. Tell me what is going on, right now.” Jaebeom points at Peter.

“This idiot,” the man has a disdain look on his face like the whole situation is pathetic. “He broke the printing machine, we have an important meeting in two hours and we can’t get the documents printed because this punk keeps kicking the machine, he can’t do anything right.”

Youngjae always kicks the machine, Jaebeom has to admit that but it’s not a reason for him to be harassed like that. The thing is so old, they were supposed to replace it at the beginning of the year but didn’t. It’s not Youngjae’s fault it finally stopped working. “There’s a working printer on every floor of this building that you could have used before you started yelling at your coworker. But it doesn’t matter anymore, you won’t be at any meeting today, you’re suspended.”

“Director-nim, you can’t do it--” 

“I can’t? Wow, you’d be surprised by what I can and can’t do around here. Don’t show your face here ‘till next week, and it will be going in your file,” Jaebeom takes his eyes away from him just to look at Youngjae standing at the corner of the room. He hates the sight of his bruised face, his earphones are broken on the ground, there’s also a pair of sunglasses that Jaebeom takes and puts them on Youngjae’s face supposing they are his. “Did he touch you?”

“I didn’t!” Peter groans loudly, but Jaebeom only pays attention to Youngjae shaking his head. 

“Go to your desk, call the assistance, we need the printer working before we can get a new one,” he tells Youngjae softly, then Jaebeom turns to Peter and to everyone else that has their eyes on him. “Anyone pulls something like this ever again and you will get fired not suspended. This is a workplace, not somewhere for you to relieve your frustrations,”

It wasn't about Youngjae, if anyone was treated like that Jaebeom would do the same. He can’t have his employees fighting each other like animals. Jaebeom goes to his desk fuming, he watches Peter until the man leaves the room. Just after he is gone Jaebeom relaxes a bit, he wants to make sure Youngjae is alright but he can’t ask now. Also, he really needs to know what happened to the boy’s face, who did it to him. Youngjae is hiding it well with the sunglasses but still isn’t a beautiful thing. 

Jinhyuk walks to his desk and Jaebeom already knows what he wants, “I don’t care. Go to the coffee shop and buy him that sandwich,” the other man looks a little shocked but he goes nonetheless. Jaebeom really doesn’t care about what people will say around the office, he wouldn’t let that situation happen no matter what. It’s absurd that they think it’s okay to treat Youngjae like that just because he doesn’t have a degree like them. 

The rest of the day is a bit tense, the office is quieter than usual but at least everyone does their job without talking too much. Jaebeom leaves the building before anyone else does, he goes straight to the bus stop and waits for Youngjae there. He will get his car later, or tomorrow it doesn’t matter. 

When Youngjae gets there he doesn’t even acknowledge Jaebeom, not that he expected for it he is used to Youngjae acting as if he doesn’t exist but it’s weird being by his side when it’s obvious why Jaebeom is here and not speaking at all. Jaebeom gets on the same bus as Youngjae and they wait for the subway side by side once they get off. Inside the bus, they didn’t even look at each other but in the subway, Youngjae sits by his side. 

“What is it, Ahjussi?” Youngjae’s voice is low and he stares ahead, it’s almost like he is talking to himself and not to Jaebeom. 

“What happened to your face?” Jaebeom wants to know much more, wants to know exactly what happened at the office, if he is feeling okay, but nothing is worrying him at the moment like Youngjae being hurt like this. Youngjae smiles but it’s not a genuine one, he looks at Jaebeom then and takes off his sunglasses. 

“Ow, did you notice? I fell down the stairs, ugly, right?” Youngjae pouts and Jaebeom has no idea why but he smiles seeing it, it’s just so ridiculous that Youngjae says that when it’s obvious that was not what happened and that Jaebeom would never believe something so stupid. “You know, Ahjussi, it’s not good for you to be seen with me,”

“Don’t care,” Jaebeom doesn’t know if there’s anyone from the firm at the subway but it’s a possibility, it’s not like everyone drives there. But he just can’t bring himself to care about it right now. 

“You should,” Youngjae tells him before he puts the sunglasses on again and rests his head at the glass behind them. They don’t speak anymore. Jaebeom should get out on the next stop so he can maybe take a cab home or another bus, but he doesn’t. He enjoys the silence they are in now. Everything is so gray here, but it’s quite comforting like this. 

Youngjae lets him know now when he will be getting off, it’s not an invitation for Jaebeom to follow him, at least Jaebeom doesn’t think it is but he does anyway. Youngjae walks faster not waiting for him, it’s weird following him like this, Jaebeom feels like a creep that is actually following someone home. So he walks faster in order to walk beside Youngjae. 

They have to walk a lot after they get off the subway, the only time they speak is when Jaebeom offers to buy Youngjae dinner but the boy declines it. At least he doesn’t tell Jaebeom to get lost and lets the man walk him to his house. They have to climb a lot of stairs to get there, and when they do it’s not really a house. It’s just a blue door to a single room, there’s a bunch of them really close to each other. 

Youngjae is about to get inside without sparing Jaebeom another look, so Jaebeom pulls him lightly letting go as soon as the boy turns around. “I’m sorry about what happened. I’ll make sure it never happens again,”

“It wasn’t your fault, you don’t have to worry,” Youngjae looks around, it’s dark and there’s not a lot of lighting in the street. “And you even made sure I wouldn’t fall down the stairs again, thank you a lot, Ahjussi,” but he says it in such a mocking way Jaebeom doubts he is grateful. Still, he waits until Youngjae gets inside his place. 

Jaebeom can’t call a taxi, no car will be able to reach this place. So he uses the GPS on his phone to find the stairs and go down again, then he finds a restaurant and has noodles by himself. Just after he is done Jaebeom gets a taxi, but he doesn’t go home, he goes to the building and takes his car. 

When Jaebeom lies on his bed after yet another tiring call with Seolhyun, he wonders if the spy keeps track of everything he does. Like him walking Youngjae to his place and just later getting his car. If they do Jaebeom sure won’t be getting the promotion. It’s not like he did anything wrong by making sure Youngjae was fine but it wasn’t appropriate, definitely not when people were already talking about how Jaebeom treated the younger. 

Maybe it would be a blessing, Jaebeom wanted this promotion. He could admit it even if only for himself, but it should have come maybe in two or three years. Not now when his life is a total mess. Jaebeom thinks it’s funny that he is in a messy situation but at the same time there’s not much going on in his life. His life is totally empty, he isn’t seeing anyone, isn’t even hanging out with his friends. Jaebeom isn’t busy with anything but his job and Bomi. Yet is like he has too much on his plate. 

Jaebeom does the exact same thing in the next few days, he follows Youngjae home and later has dinner by himself in a small noodle house. He didn’t need the GPS anymore and it was becoming part of his routine, it was nice. Since he and Youngjae would never speak, Jaebeom had time to just be alone with his thoughts. Jaebeom looked forward to it every day, even when he had tiring days and he didn’t feel like walking at all it felt nice walking with Youngjae all the way to his place. 

So when Youngjae doesn’t show up for work three days in a row Jaebeom gets troubled by his sudden absence and by the fact that he doesn’t have a way to relax his mind after work anymore. Jaebeom asks about Youngjae but Lia says he didn’t call to explain his absence, she looks at Jaebeom with an expression that says ‘I told you so’, even though they have never talked about his proximity with Youngjae. 

It worries Jaebeom that maybe Youngjae got into a fight again, he doesn’t know if that’s what happened the last time but he was beaten up, that’s for sure. He drives to Youngjae’s place, and as he leaves his car to take the stairs he thinks how ironic it is that he has a daughter getting into fights weekly and now an employee as well it seems. 

Jaebeom knocks at the door for about ten minutes, he knows Youngjae is there because he can hear noise coming from inside. So he keeps knocking. The door opens a little after a long time, Jaebeom is surprised to find a little boy there and not Youngjae, he is just in his pajamas and he looks a little scared. It makes Jaebeom feel bad about knocking insistently, it was probably scary. 

“Sorry, did I scare you?” He asks and the boy nods so innocently, Jaebeom shakes his head. “Wait, are you there by yourself?”

The boy nods again and Jaebeom is startled this time, who lets a small kid like this by themselves? He can’t be older than eight, he shouldn’t be left alone. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t even know who this kid is. He is young but not that young that he could be Youngjae’s kid, at least he thinks so. “Uncle went to the pharmacy, he told me not to open the door for anyone.”

Uncle, okay, it made much more sense. Jaebeom breathes relieved he doesn’t know why. He tells the kid to close the door again and wait for his uncle. It doesn’t take Youngjae that long to come back, when he sees Jaebeom his face is blank but Jaebeom is starting to get better at reading him. And right now he would say Youngjae looks exasperated but not surprised. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, standing in front of Jaebeom, he looks tired but his bruises have faded away and there are no new ones. So not fights. 

“You haven’t shown up to work in three days, also there’s a small kid here all alone,” Youngjae rolls his eyes and pushes Jaebeom out of the way. 

He unlocks the door and tells Jaebeom to get inside after him. Just like Jaebeom imagined it was a single room, it had a door that probably leads to the bathroom but that was it. It was small but it had a sink, a small stove, and a mini-fridge. 

There was also a TV that Youngjae’s nephew was watching, lying on a mattress on the floor. That’s where the sounds Jaebeom heard before came from. The boy had a bottle of chocolate milk by his side, the same brand Jaebeom got Youngjae after the accident. 

“Did you eat the soup I made you, Minho-yah?” Youngjae asks the kid who nods but the soup is clearly untouched resting by a small table near the TV. “Come have your medicine then,” Minho doesn’t even complain about it, Bomi would always throw a tantrum when she had to take medicine. But the boy just takes it with his milk and lies down again paying incredible attention to the cartoon on the TV. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with himself, not just because he doesn’t belong here and this is Youngjae’s private life but also because the place is terribly small. Youngjae puts the medicine he just bought away and starts organizing the things on the table as if Jaebeom being here isn’t weird for him. 

“Is he alright?” Jaebeom asks when it’s clear Youngjae won’t explain why he disappeared from work. 

“No, but he will.” It’s all he says, it’s a bit frustrating talking to Youngjae because he just won’t give anything away if you don’t pressure him hard enough, Jaebeom doesn’t even know from where he gets the patience to try. If it was anyone else being this difficult he wouldn’t bother.

“Does he live with you?” That’s what takes Youngjae to look at him. He walks to Jaebeom again, it only takes two steps. 

“No, he lives with his mom. But she has two jobs, he is sick now and the lady that watches him can’t take care of a sick kid.” Youngjae explains, he looks a bit pale and has dark circles under his eyes. Jaebeom feels bad about it, he knows how tiring a sick kid can be. “I had to stay with him, my sister can’t lose her jobs. It’s not like I should be risking it either, but she makes more money so,”

Jaebeom nods trying to understand what Youngjae is saying, it seems like he and his sister just decided who could be fired and who couldn’t. “Youngjae-ssi, you won’t be fired,”

The kid looks at Jaebeom when he says that as well, their conversation seems to be a little interesting for him now. “Thanks, I guess,” Youngjae nods at him, it seems a bit hard for him to even thank Jaebeom. 

“Next time something like this happens just let me know so I don’t have to worry about you being hurt,” 

“You never have to worry about me, Ahjussi,” he says challengingly. Jaebeom wants to argue that it’s just normal for him to worry if one of the employees doesn't show up for work but it doesn’t sound convincing even in his head. It’s not like Jaebeom walks anyone else to their house and goes after them when they don’t go to work. 

“Anyway, if he needs anything let me know,” Youngjae’s nephew doesn’t look so bad, it’s probably just a cold since his voice sounded a bit funny but still he wants Youngjae to know he can ask if he needs something. “You’re a good person, Youngjae-ssi.”

Youngjae looks at him with a pained expression. It’s like he wasn’t expecting to hear something like this from Jaebeom. Or as if it doesn’t make sense. But Jaebeom really thinks Youngjae is someone good, he does everything he can and he doesn’t even seem to take credit for it. The boy doesn’t say anything back. 

When Jaebeom leaves he is not as peaceful as he usually is after he leaves Youngjae at home, so he doesn’t stop at the noodles place. He goes straight home and he talks to Bomi, not to Seolhyun, they don’t have any arguments, they just talk about simple things. Jaebeom is grateful he has Bomi, she is just a kid but she helps him with his stressful days a lot, at least when she is not getting in trouble. 

Jaebeom is glad nothing happened to Youngjae, that he wasn’t hurt again but he only breathes easily again when the boy goes back to work. To his surprise, Jaebeom doesn’t have to ask about Youngjae’s nephew. When Youngjae goes to his desk to drop his mail he tells Jaebeom himself that everything is fine now. That’s all he says but it’s enough for Jaebeom to know what he is talking about. 

Since it’s been a few days Jaebeom doesn’t know if he should take the bus with Youngjae again, maybe it will be weird now. And either way, he has to work late, so Jaebeom is a little relieved that he won’t have to make the decision himself. Youngjae decides for him though, the boy waits ‘till Jaebeom is done with his work and they walk to the bus stop together. Nothing changes, they don’t speak much. But Youngjae waiting for him is such a big change, Jaebeom feels his stomach twisting inside him, he silently tells it to stop this nonsense and just focuses on the traffic outside. 

Youngjae never invites him inside again, which is more than fine for Jaebeom, he wouldn’t know how to act in the house again, and if it were just the two of them it would be even worse. At least he gets to have noodles with Youngjae at the place he found out, Youngjae didn’t know about it, and even though he didn’t say so himself Jaebeom believed he liked the noodles there as well. 

It was night and Jaebeom had his laptop on his legs as he checked the quarterly performance report of his team, he was trying to get some work done before Jackson got there, he called saying he was coming over. It wasn’t usual for the other man to come over but he rarely did it by himself, it seemed like Jinyoung was busy and Jaebeom was responsible to keep him entrained. As if Jaebeom wasn’t busy himself. Still, he was glad Jackson was coming all the way here when Jaebeom hadn't exactly been hanging out with them. 

He knew he wasn’t being the best friend in the world, it didn’t mean he would agree to the absurd Jackson proposed to him as soon as he got to Jaebeom’s apartment. “I’m not going on a date, forget it, Jackson,”

“But I already told Arin you would be going,” 

“And how is this my problem? You make promises about something that isn’t up to you and I have to just go on a date with a stranger?” This is not something new, since Jaebeom and Seolhyu divorced, everyone has been trying to make Jaebeom go on blind dates again. At first, he would go, not because he wanted to have a new relationship, he was too hurt for that, but so they would get off his back. But the dates were always terrible, Jaebeom would always come back home feeling even more worthless than before. 

He made his mom promise she would stop setting him up with all her friend’s single daughters. It worked with his mom, but Jackson never stopped insisting on it. Telling the woman that Jaebeom was going out with her for sure that was too much. 

“Come on, Hyung, she is funny and cool, also very much beautiful and healthy,” Jackson sat close to Jaebeom putting his arm around his shoulders just for Jaebeom to push it away. “You know you need to see someone new, you can’t be single forever. And she is just perfect,”

“I can be single forever,” and that’s just what Jaebeom has been planning on. He couldn’t see himself falling in love again, and Jaebeom wouldn’t be with someone just for the sake of not being alone. Jaebeom didn’t see a problem with being single, his mother would always say that he would need a woman to take care of him in his old age but that’s just a selfish thought. He doesn’t need a caregiver. 

“If you won’t do it for you, do it for me. Jaebeommie, she got out of a toxic relationship and you’re the nicest single guy I know, please just this one date and if you don’t like her you don’t have to see her again,” Jackson’s puppy eyes aren’t as effective as he thinks they are, they stopped having any effect over Jaebeom a long time ago. Jaebeom doesn’t care about what he promised or not but the woman being in this situation kinda makes Jaebeom feel bad for her. 

“It’s ‘Hyung’, first of all. But okay, one date and nothing else,” that was enough to make Jackson jump in excitement. He spent the next two hours talking about how cool Arin was and even about her beautiful dark hair, Jaebeom would be worried for Jinyoung if Jackson wasn’t so crazily in love with him, and if he wasn’t gay, of course. 

Maybe it would be good to have a date with someone else so they would forget about Youngjae, Jaebeom knew they were only mocking him but he didn’t like these jokes. It would be just a one-time thing anyway. 

Jackson tells him the date will be on Sunday, Jaebeom can’t believe everything is already planned without his consent. He even picked the restaurant with Arin, “maybe you two should go out,”

“Haha, very funny,” he rolls his eyes but for Jaebeom it could really be a possibility. A date between friends, there’s nothing wrong with it. 

Jackson leaves very late in the night. Jaebeom goes to bed even later, he will just go on this date and never do anything for Jackson ever again. At least it will be on the weekend and he won’t have to tell Youngjae about it. Not that he would have to mention the date but he wouldn’t be able to walk him home so it would be weird for him. 

Jaebeom should have seen it coming, it’s an organic restaurant, and it’s also vegan. It’s not that Jaebeom is against it, but it’s not what he would like to eat on a Sunday night, he would rather be having something very greasy for no other reason other than he can do so. He eyes the menu uninterested, he gets a text from Jackson that reads ‘maybe tonight is the night you will fall in love again’. As if Jaebeom huffs, he is about to text Jackson back when a short smiley woman stands in front of him looking a bit nervous. 

She was really pretty, and Jaebeom wouldn’t mind leaving with her if it wasn’t for what Jackson mentioned about her past relationship. Jaebeom wasn’t going there when he didn’t want anything serious. What Jackson didn’t mention was that Arin was also a personal trainer, and if it was hard with Jackson with Arin it was just impossible to have a conversation that wasn’t about healthy shit. It was like she was trying to prove Jaebeom something, something that Jaebeom didn’t care about at all. 

Arin recommends the eggplant lasagna for Jaebeom, and it’s not as bad as it sounded but the smell was just awful. Jaebeom tries to not breathe in as he puts the food in his mouth, he hates every second of this night. Arin talks a lot which he supposes is normal when you’re trying to get to know someone but Jaebeom was kind tired. “It’s nice that we have places like this, don’t you think it’s important for us to mind the impact we have on our planet, Jaebeom-ssi?”

“Yeah,” Jaebeom gives her a tight smile, he has heard it all about eating being a political act from Jinyoung. He wasn’t as bad as Jackson or Arin, but anything political got his best friend excited to rant about. And now Jaebeom had to hear it all again from Arin, even though Jaebeom was more worried about how he could end this night earlier. 

“Ahjussi!” Jaebeom could recognize that voice no matter what and no matter where, he looked up and sure thing Youngjae was standing in front of them. “Can I joy you guys? My friend stood me up,” Youngjae doesn’t wait for an answer though, he takes a chair and sits with them. 

Arin looks a bit taken aback, no more than Jaebeom though, he doesn’t know what to do, he has no idea what Youngjae is doing. “Oh, of course, hi.” Arin greets him with a polite smile. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know how to introduce them so Youngjae saves him. “I’m Choi Youngjae, nice to meet you. Jaebeom is friends with my mom.” He explains, or better lies, and doesn’t even let Arin say anything back. “Wow, it’s so surprising seeing you here, Ahjussi, don’t you hate this whole vegan thing?”

“I-- what?” Jaebeom doesn’t hate it, he doesn’t have a problem with it at all, he just enjoys meat a lot. Jaebeom really loves meat but it’s not like Youngjae knows that, or as if he should be saying something like that on his date. “I do not hate it, Youngjae-yah,” he cringes for having to call him like that. 

“Oh, come on, are you lying to your girlfriend now? What’s your name again?” And the way he says it is just so rude and dismissive. 

“Arin,” 

“Oh, right, Arin-ssi. Jaebeom really hates vegan food, he thinks the animals were given by the Gods to feed us. That is like their role,” Arin looks at Jaebeom betrayed, and Jaebeom never said he enjoyed it but he also doesn’t have this dumb line of thought. “He must be really into you to come to a place like this,”

“That’s enough, right, Youngjae?” He thought this night couldn’t get worse but it seemed like it did. Youngjae was talking to Arin as if they were sharing secrets about Jaebeom, and they weren’t even true. Every time Youngjae opened his mouth the woman seemed to be even more disgusted by Jaebeom’s entire existence. 

“Hope you last long enough to meet the family--” He starts again but Jaebeom stops him.

“Youngjae!” Jaebeom has had enough. He didn’t plan on having anything with Arin, but he didn’t want to be rude to her either. Youngjae was clearly being deliberately rude for no reason. 

The boy apologizes but is already too late, Arin wants to know what he is talking about. “I mean, things are probably different with you, I’m sure of that, Arin-ssi. It’s just that Jaebeom here, dates around a lot but never introduces anyone to his family or friends, my mom always says he has a commitment issue. But I think you might change him,”

“Hum,” she gives Youngjae a smile again but frowns at Jaebeom, Youngjae was the one being rude but she obviously thinks he was just being honest with her. But Jaebeom wasn’t. “Something came up, I should go. Have a nice dinner, Youngjae-ssi,” Arin says looking at her phone, it’s obviously a lie. And she only talks to Youngjae before leaving the restaurant. 

“What the hell was that, Youngjae.” The boy raises a brow at him at the lack of politeness but doesn’t comment on it. Lucky him or Jaebeom would lose his mind. 

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me for helping you get rid of that woman?” Youngjae sounds genuinely curious. He thought he was making Jaebeom a favor here?

“You had no business being that rude to her, she just got out of a bad relationship. And who said I needed rescue?” Jaebeom asks for the bill as soon as he sees the waitress that took their order.

“Your face did, you looked like you were going to drown yourself on your carrot juice,” it wasn't carrot juice but it was very orange and thick. “Also, you can’t possibly believe that woman got out of a bad relationship,” 

Jaebeom rolls his eyes as they also leave the restaurant, it’s not like Youngjae can tell if someone was in a bad relationship or not. And even if she wasn’t it was no reason to make Jaebeom sound like an asshole that slept around and is against the environment. 

“I’m hungry, Ahjussi,” Youngjae says when they see a restaurant right in front of the one they just left. Ignoring what Jaebeom was saying before.

“Seriously?” And Youngjae nods at him, Jaebeom wasn’t asking if he was really hungry. He was just surprised that he had the face to ask for food after what he just pulled. But Jaebeom was also hungry, he couldn’t eat even half of the eggplant lasagna. So they enter the other restaurant. 

Jaebeom regrets it as soon as they step foot on it, the place is romantic. He can’t describe it in other words, the dim yellowish light makes everything seem more intimate than it actually is. There are candles on the tables, for Christ’s sake. Youngjae seems so excited about the food, Jaebeom doesn’t have it on him to make them leave. 

“The steak here is so good, just the way you like it, Ahjussi.” Youngjae has his mouth full, Jaebeom realizes he is making fun of him, still, Jaebeom can’t help smiling at him. It was just so dumb and childish, but he really saved Jaebeom from having to eat that thing and spending more time hearing about healthy lifestyles. 

He doesn’t expect Youngjae to smile back at him but he does. Jaebeom holds his breath for a second or maybe it’s hours because he feels just so breathless when he breathes in again. Youngjae has never smiled at him, Jaebeom just saw it directed at Bomi and he didn’t even get a good look at it. It’s the prettiest smile Jaebeom has ever seen in his life. It makes Youngjae’s face brighten up in a way he didn’t know was possible. 

Happiness looked good on Youngjae. 

“What were you doing there anyway?” Jaebeom tries to say something so he can stop staring at the boy’s smile. It’s not that effective because he can feel his cheeks hurting from how hard he is smiling back at Youngjae. 

“I was waiting for a friend, he couldn’t make it just like I said,” but Jaebeom doesn’t believe it for a second. Youngjae wouldn’t go to a place like that. It’s also very expensive, he doesn’t believe the boy would be willing to spend money on that food. 

“I find it hard to believe,” Jaebeom mutters, eyes glued on Youngjae’s face.

“Really? Haven’t you noticed how much I enjoy eating by now?” Jaebeom doesn’t know what got into Youngjae for him to be this playful tonight. He is pretty sure they never exchanged so many words like this before. There’s a voice at the back of Jaebeom’s head telling him it’s not appropriate but he couldn’t care less about it. 

“Oh? I thought it was just a thing between the two of us,” Jaebeom realizes his mistake as soon as the words leave his mouth. Youngjae’s tiny smile morphs into a smirk, and even though Jaebeom likes it as well it seems way more dangerous.

“It was just a friend's thing. Don’t think I let just about anyone buy me food, Ahjussi.” The way Youngjae says that it’s as if when he eats with Jaebeom isn’t a friend's thing. Of course, they aren’t friends so it couldn’t be, but Youngjae makes it sound like it’s more than that. Like it’s really their thing. 

Suddenly Jaebeom feels uncomfortable with everything going on around them, he shouldn’t be here with Youngjae and yet he was the one who started all of this. Even this conversation was on Jaebeom, he implied paying for Youngjae’s food was a thing he was the only one supposed to do and now he doesn’t know how to fix it. Jaebeom doesn’t even know if he wants to fix it. 

They finish their food in a comfortable silence that they are so used to. Jaebeom drives Youngjae home, he feels his phone buzzing on his pocket nonstop. Jackson won’t stop texting him and the man doesn’t even care to read what he is saying. He knows he will get so much shit from Jackson, well deserved, but he will apologize to Arin later. Maybe send her a card. 

When he stops the car Jaebeom just can’t wake Youngjae up. Jaebeom doesn’t know when he fell asleep but he seemed so at peace there. He had his hair pushed behind his ears, and mouth slightly open. It wasn’t as beautiful as his smile, it was a different kind of beauty looking at Youngjae like this. The moonlight was hitting his face and he looked like he was glowing.

“So pretty,” Jaebeom whispers looking at Youngjae. He is very familiar with the feeling of butterflies in his stomach so Jaebeom doesn’t even try to pretend it’s not what he is feeling right now. He doesn’t try to come up with an excuse for it either. It’s okay, just for now it’s okay. Once he drives home he will let go of this feeling. It’s just a passing thing. 

He finally wakes Youngjae up after a while of just sitting there, it’s a bit hard to get the boy to be totally aware of where he is. But once he does Youngjae is eager to leave the car and go to his place already. Youngjae is a little tense all the way up the tight stairs. It makes Jaebeom worry that he did something wrong, that maybe the way they talked at the restaurant made Youngjae uncomfortable. He didn’t seem like he minded it before but he could have changed his mind. 

For the first time Jaebeom feels the need to break their silence, he doesn’t have to though. When they get to Youngjae’s place he smiles at Jaebeom again, but this time they are standing and the boy is way closer to him than before. “Thanks for the food, Ahjussi. It was delicious,” 

Jaebeom shouldn’t feel the way he is feeling just because Youngjae thanked him with a smile. He wants to take a step back so they won’t be so close to each other but Jaebeom can’t move an inch away from Youngjae. His heart is hammering on his chest, it’s all Jaebeom can hear. 

At least Youngjae has the sense to take a step back after what feels like forever, “good night.” Jaebeom watches as he enters and locks the door. It’s later than it usually is when he leaves Youngjae at home so everything seems to be darker. Jaebeom walks as quickly as he can to his car. 

He doesn’t even overthink what happened, Jaebeom would never allow anything to happen between him and Youngjae. It’s okay if he just keeps it inside for now, it will go away soon. It’s just that he is lonely and Youngjae has become a strong presence in his life. It’s just very easy to get fond of the boy. It didn’t really matter. 

All Jaebeom could hear was the loud sound of his fast heartbeat on his chest. But it didn’t matter. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this one i actually had more fun writing??? i like youngjae a lot lol  
> anywaysss i hope you enjoyed it and that you're taking care of yourself well !!!


	4. While it lasts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :)

“Shouldn’t you be happy?” Jinyoung asks when he comes back to the living room, placing a bottle of beer in front of Jaebeom that he starts downing in a heartbeat. He didn’t see his friends entering the room, Jaebeom stopped paying attention to them and to what they were saying long minutes ago. They were being too lovey-dovey lately for his liking. 

“And shouldn’t you two be over each other already?” Jaebeom’s words have no malice to them, and his friends know it. What they don’t know is that he is annoyed at them for being so in love all the time, they should at least not be so clingy to each other in front of him. Out of respect. 

But Jackson doesn’t seem to be so obvious about it, he smiles big at him. “But I tried to get you a boo, you were the one who was an asshole to her. Are you jealous of what we have now? Are you, Jaebeommie?”

“A boo? God, Jackson, I don’t want a girlfriend and no, I’m not jealous,” if he said what he was feeling it would probably sound like he was though. As if he wanted something like what they have. And it’s not the truth, it’s not a lie either. It’s complicated, but Jaebeom is a little mad that they need to be so clingy and well in love in front of him. The way Jackson was back hugging Jinyoung in the kitchen earlier made Jaebeom want it. Not that he didn’t want his friends to be happy, but he wanted something too. 

But again he didn’t want a girlfriend, didn’t want Jackson’s friend of all people. He wanted someone that made him feel warm like they seemed to be. 

“As interesting as it is to see you two argue over something meaningless, again… shouldn’t you be happy? Or at least excited?” Jinyoung asks again, and that’s another subject Jaebeom would like to ignore, or to at least keep to himself. “I don’t trust Seolhyun, but if there’s a chance of you not having to open a case for Bomi’s custody you should be I don’t know, jumping from happiness?”

Jackson tries not to laugh at the prospect of Jaebeom jumping because of anything and Jaebeom makes a face at him. He is happy, he wants to have Bomi back and Seolhyun promised they will try to find a solution together. Summer is right around the corner, they will wait until there to see if things get better. Then Bomi will spend the Summer with him and they will see how it goes. They can’t get it wrong, since having her moving to Korea just to have her move back to Australia later isn’t an option. 

And Jinyoung has been helping him, Jaebeom even had the call with Seolhyun here, he and Jackson both know about everything that they decided on. But Jaebeom is embarrassed to say what is troubling him. They won’t leave him alone if he doesn’t though. 

“There’s a possibility of me getting a promotion, as managing director,” he says the words slowly trying to catch what their first reaction will be. And they seem excited for a second. But then Jackson is worried and Jinyoung is confused. 

“What about Bomi?” Jackson asks. 

“How is this a problem?” Jinyoung says at the same time and then he seems to understand it, “oh.” 

“Yes, ‘oh’. Listen, I’ve worked my ass off in that firm since I was still in college, and it’s very important to me but it’s not more important than my daughter,” his friends nod, they know it. Jaebeom isn’t sure if he was trying to convince them or himself with his words. He has no doubts he will choose Bomi no matter what, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want the promotion. That he will just discard it. “The current manager has been in this position for over eight years, he doesn’t have the company’s interests in mind.”

“First, you don’t have to justify it for us, if you want it then it’s fine. But you also don’t need to have a sense of duty with it, Hyung. You work in a big corporation, I’m sure they have other options if you are not up to it,” Jinyoung tries to assure him with a smile, but both Jaebeom and Jackson still look pained. 

“They had, but it seems like Hyunjae got a spy working for him and he got the other man to resign, so how does it look? I don’t even know if I want it, I just feel so trapped,” Jaebeom admits out loud. He hasn’t been able to admit it even for himself, in his head he was sure he wanted it but it wasn’t the right moment. But the truth is that he is feeling trapped by the thought of keeping all the employees safe. Jaebeom has a weird sense of responsibility for them. 

“If he has a fucking spy working for him, shouldn’t it be enough to have him fired?” Jinyoung asks, Jackson is just looking at them as if trying to figure out something. 

“They don’t have any proof he is the one behind it--”

“And that’s the thing,” Jackson interrupts him, speaking louder than necessary. “Come on, Hyung, it’s a big company, there is so much at stake. These old men are sly foxes that can do anything they want without consequences, but you think they wouldn’t have found proof by now?”

“Jackson is right,” Jinyoung looks at him as if his partner just figured out the answer to human life’s existence. “It’s probably the board of directors that have this spy, you shouldn’t be trusting them.”

“I didn’t think about it,” but now that Jackson pointed it out it all seemed obvious. Mark said he didn’t know for sure but he always knows everything that happens in that firm. How would they know about a spy for sure but not know if he was really working for Hyunjae? Jaebeom was too oblivious to something very clear. “This is fucked up, if they are really doing it…”

But he doesn’t finish it, Jaebeom doesn’t know how he can find out if it’s Hyunjae or the board directors behind it. And he doesn’t know if it changes how he is seeing this opportunity. Sure, he shouldn’t be so trusty of them but the position is something else. At least his friends assure him that they will support him no matter what. 

Jaebeom has a feeling Jackson doesn’t really want him to accept a promotion but he doesn’t say anything about it for now. Jinyoung assures him he will be able to manage taking care of Bomi and the job, but Jaebeom isn’t so sure himself. 

And he was right to be worried about it taking much of his time, just a few days later Mark tells him they have a meeting at night to talk about how they can manage to have more votes than Hyunjae. It’s a secret meeting, and it takes hours. It’s just Jaebeom in a hotel room with a bunch of other directors talking about ways to make Jaebeom look like the best option for the managing director position. First, they have to start with making Jaebeom’s team the most efficient in the company. 

It has always been Jaebeom’s goal, but now they act as if this should be his life goal. He has to accomplish it before December. Jaebeom wants to groan through the entire thing. He thinks they won’t have a meeting so soon again but Mark lets him know they will meet in the same place for the rest of the week. 

The next day he sees Youngjae walking to his desk when it’s past the time they leave, and he looks way more friendly than yesterday. Jaebeom has no idea but he wasn’t very happy when he heard that Jaebeom wouldn’t be able to walk him home. Of course, he didn’t show it, but Jaebeom was confident he could see through him now. 

So even though he looks just about the same as yesterday, Jaebeom can see that he is in a good mood. “Ahjussi, let’s have samgyeopsal, yeah? I’ve been craving it for days now,”

Jaebeom looks to his sides and behind Youngjae to make sure there is no one around that could have heard him. He doesn’t care about buying Youngjae sandwiches or being seen with him, but he knows he will be in trouble if anyone finds out they actually eat together almost every night. 

Still, he can’t find it on him to scold Youngjae for being so reckless, he went one day without eating with him and suddenly Jaebeom already misses being with the boy. “Sorry, Youngjae-ssi, I’ll have meetings all week.” Youngjae’s face fell and Jaebeom wasn’t exactly expecting that. Because he didn’t have to try and read the boy, it was clear that he was disappointed. 

“Is it about the promotion thing people have been talking about?” Youngjae’s upset face is so disturbing, Jaebeom would rather have him angry at him like yesterday than upset. He nods at the boy, Jaebeom knows that there are rumors about it already, people aren’t sure but they are talking. He doesn’t see a problem with Youngjae knowing. 

“I swear I will make it up to you, we will have the best samgyeopsal in the country. It doesn’t even need to wait ‘till next week, we can go Sunday,” Jaebeom scolds himself internally for how desperate he sounds. He is past telling himself that he shouldn’t be having dinner with Youngjae, this much is obvious and it’s also obvious that he will keep doing it. But it doesn’t mean he has to be so dependent on it. 

“Make it up to me? Why? I will just have it by myself… anyways, I hope you have fun in your meeting,” Youngjae says before he leaves the building and Jaebeom just watches him feeling more annoyed than necessary. He is glad he can at least call Youngjae’s bullshit and see that he cares about Jaebeom not leaving with him, but it’s not much use when he acts like a brat that doesn’t give a shit. 

And Youngjae keeps on acting like that. They don’t talk again but whenever Jaebeom feels eyes on him he will catch Youngjae looking at him with disdain. He feels so judged. There is nothing for Youngjae to judge him about though, he is just doing it because he knows that’s how he can get to Jaebeom’s head. 

Things were so good between them before, they were getting closer. Not that it was Jaebeom’s intention, to get close to Youngjae or anything. But it was nice. He cared for the boy and he was the only person that brought any kind of peace to Jaebeom’s life right now. The problems with Bomi were still the same, maybe not so recurrent like a few months ago but they are still there. And the whole custody and promotion thing was keeping Jaebeom awake every night. 

Having a few hours with Youngjae was the only part of the day he looked forward to, they never did anything special but it was so quiet and relaxing. It was healing for Jaebeom. So, he really, really, didn’t want things to go back to the way they were before. He wanted them to be friendly to each other and to have meals together, that was it. Just a meal pal. 

But now he was stuck in the damn hotel room for the third night in a row. Jaebeom was going out of his mind with it all, and he was really hungry. They had room service, but nothing that Jaebeom wanted to eat. It was torturous. 

It was almost the end of his shift again, Jaebeom couldn’t stop staring at Youngjae that had in fact stopped staring back at him. Jaebeom was determined he wasn’t going to spend another night stuck to that hotel. He could go to Mark’s office and tell him he couldn’t make it tonight but he was sure the other would make questions that he wouldn’t be able to answer without lying. So, Jaebeom just texts him that something came up and they will have to meet just the next night. 

It was a relief, just knowing he did that and he won’t have to go to the stupid meeting. Jaebeom wants to go to Youngjae as soon as he is done texting Mark, but he waits. The exact moment Youngjae gets out from his desk and leaves for the elevator Jaebeom takes his things and follows him, not even waiting a little for it to not seem obvious he is going after the boy. 

“Wait, let me take you out,” Jaebeom pulls his arm lightly, Youngjae raises a brow at him. “I mean, let’s have samgyeopsal. I’m craving it too,” 

“No meeting?” Youngjae’s tone is a bit harsh but when Jaebeom shakes his head he smiles. It’s as beautiful as the first time Jaebeom saw it, maybe even more. “You said it would be the best in the country so my standards are kinda high, right now.” 

Jaebeom just nods, smiling down at himself. He pulls Youngjae to the elevator with him, they stand closer than they should in their workplace, or anywhere really. But it’s comfortable, Jaebeom doesn’t feel like moving. 

Once they are inside his car, Jaebeom has Youngjae researching where he wants to go. They look at the places together, it’s not like Jaebeom knows where to find the best samgyeopsal in Korea and he doesn’t even know if he can take Youngjae there. But the boy makes sure to find the one that is said to be the best one in Seoul at least. 

“I hope it’s really expensive,” Youngjae says when they are in their way, Jaebeom laughs at how honest he sounds. “So you learn to not stand me up anymore,” 

Jaebeom didn’t stand Youngjae up, it’s not like they agreed on going out that day and he didn’t show up or something. But he understands why Youngjae is upset when this has become their thing, he likes that Youngjae was upset because he was also upset about not being with him. 

The place they go isn’t so fancy, Jaebeom has been to fancier places in his life but Youngjae is amazed by it. He even seems a bit self-conscious, but Jaebeom assures him he looks alright. And he really does, Jaebeom doesn’t see a reason for anyone to be overdressed just to have a meal. 

True to be said it’s the best samgyeopsal Jaebeom has ever had in his life, it’s delicious and juicy, Jaebeom could eat every day for the rest of his life. But he is sure Youngjae couldn’t, he would die in less than a week. The way he is eating is like he never saw food before in his life, and when he catches Jaebeom looking worriedly at him he just shrugs and says he was really craving it. 

Jaebeom was happy about the food, but he was happier about being here, about not being in a boring meeting that if he is being honest he didn’t really care about. It was a relief to put the promotion on the back of his head and just enjoy his meal. Youngjae was smiling a lot, well, at least when he didn’t have his mouth stuffed with food. Jaebeom expected him to be a brat and still be mad but he wasn’t, it was a nice change. 

Youngjae looks out the window all the way to his place, he complains about the clouds covering the moon from time to time. It was nice as a background noise. Jaebeom parked the car and was about to get out when Youngjae stopped him, “it seems like it’s gonna start raining at any second. You don’t have to walk me home, Ahjussi. Just drive safely, it’s enough.”

“Hm, don’t think so, come on, we’ll walk real fast and we won’t get wet,” Jaebeom retorts, but Youngjae insists he drives home. They are just wasting time so Jaebeom gets out of the car and waits for Youngjae to join him. 

They walk quickly but not quick enough, Jaebeom feels a drop on his nose, then another one, and then out of nowhere it starts raining like crazy. Like the sky is about to fall on them, “I told you this would happen, Ahjussi!” Youngjae yells, the rain getting loud on their ears. 

There is no use trying to run anymore, they are completely soaked, Youngjae just stops walking and when he looks at Jaebeom he laughs. So, Jaebeom slows down his pace too and walks with him, the rain is cold but he is already getting used to it, as used as possible. They walk close together and Jaebeom has to remind himself to look ahead and not at the rain hitting Youngjae’s face. 

When they make it to his single-room the rain isn’t falling as heavily as before, but it’s obvious that it won’t stop raining tonight. It’s dark but they can see a figure standing at the entrance of Youngjae’s place, Jaebeom thinks it’s weird and it’s grateful he didn’t let the boy come alone. Youngjae looks at him with an apologetic expression, his eyes going back and forth between him and the boy in front of his room. 

“I... I don’t have an umbrella, and like I should invite you in but…” he sounds nervous and small, Youngjae has never sounded like this. 

“It’s okay, Youngjae. Just get in, I will wait for you to get in,” Jaebeom is sure he understands what he means with that. But Youngjae shakes his head. 

“No, just go already before the rain gets bad again, you don’t have to wait.” Youngjae turns away from him, but Jaebeom won’t have it. He follows Youngjae, they just take two steps and the boy in front of the house starts walking to them. 

He is incredibly tall and must be around Youngjae’s age, differently from them the boy has an umbrella with him and is completely dry. “Oh, Youngjae-yah, I was so worried you didn’t get home yet, but I see you got your boyfriend bringing you safely,”

“No, he is not--” 

“Thanks for your concern, but you don’t need to worry about Youngjae when I’m around, and I’m always around,” Jaebeom can see the way Youngjae is nervous and scared around the other boy. It makes Jaebeom’s skin itch, he wants this boy away from Youngjae. “You can leave now,”

“Oh my God, Youngjae-yah, you really got a dumbass to be a fool for you? Wow,” the boy has a dark smug smirk on his face, and he starts laughing, taking a step closer to Youngjae that in return takes a step back closer to Jaebeom. Jaebeom puts one of his arms around his waist protectively. “You're gonna regret this, greatly. I know it’s hard to think straight around him, he messes up with your head. But you gonna wish you heard me,” 

The words are obviously directed to Jaebeom, he doesn’t try to make sense of them. He just waits ‘till the boy walks away and is out of sight. 

“Come on in,” Youngjae says when he opens the door to his place. Jaebeom follows him and he only realizes how cold he is when Youngjae shivers, his whole body shaking. He just wants to get home and get out of these clothes, but he has to make sure Youngjae is safe first. 

“Who was that?” He asks before Youngjae is pushing him into the bathroom and telling him to wait. Jaebeom is a bit confused at first but he sees Youngjae looking through a pile of clothes and notices how they were getting the floor wet. He hands Jaebeom a towel and what looks like sweatpants and a t-shirt. “And what is this?”

“So you can change,” Youngjae says simply, but there is no way Jaebeom is gonna dress his clothes. “Come on, you gonna get a cold if you stay in these clothes. Change here,” he closes the door as he takes two steps back so Jaebeom is left alone without time to protest. 

Jaebeom was reluctant about it, but he also can’t stop shivering and he should give Youngjae some privacy to change as well. The boy even wanted him to take a hot shower, he guesses just wearing the clothes is something he can do. They fit him just fine, he believes the t-shirt is very large on Youngjae for it to be so perfect on his own shoulders. 

Once he can get out of the bathroom, he finds Youngjae again looking for something in the clothes pile. He looks a little more relaxed now, but Jaebeom is still worried about what happened earlier. He also looks very soft in his blue shirt and shorts, but Jaebeom shouldn’t be paying attention to that right now. “Who was that guy? Would you tell me now, Youngjae-ssi,”

“You called me ‘Youngjae’ earlier, why don’t you keep it like that?” He asks without turning away from the pile. It’s very obvious he is trying to distract Jaebeom, it won’t work. 

“Younjae- _ssi,_ I’m waiting, who was that? Do you think he will come back?” Jaebeom is afraid to leave the boy here just for the other to come back and do something to him. No, Jaebeom doesn’t know what he would do but he isn’t looking forward to finding out. 

“Dry your hair properly,” he tells the older man, handing him the same towel Jaebeom used earlier.

“Okay, I’ll do whatever you want once you tell me who is that guy and why you were so scared of him,” Jaebeom concedes, he is already drying his hair. He was going to do it before but he forgot about it. 

Youngjae rolls his eyes at him, “I’m not scared of him. I was scared for you.” And now is Jaebeom’s turn to roll his eyes, it makes sense that Youngjae wasn’t scared for himself he is very reckless but also he is probably used to that man already. But he didn’t need to be worried about Jaebeom. “He is no one, I was just worried you would get yourself into trouble. You kind of have a hero syndrome,”

Jaebeom doesn’t, and he would argue about it with Youngjae if he didn’t know better. “I’m serious, is that punk the person that hurt you?” He remembers how Youngjae showed up to work covered in bruises, he feels like throwing up with the possibility of that other boy hurting Youngjae. 

Youngjae is either not taking the situation as seriously as he should or he just doesn’t want to admit to Jaebeom what happened between him and the guy. He is dismissive when he goes through his things and hands Jaebeom a small black umbrella. 

“Thought you said you didn’t have one?” Jaebeom takes it from his hands. 

“I was lying so you would leave. Obvious,” Youngjae sits on his mattress, looking up at Jaebeom who just stands there staring at him with his arms crossed. The boy sighs defeated, “listen, you don’t have to worry. I’ve known Moonbin my entire life, he can’t do shit to me. Just go home before the rain gets bad again, Ahjussi.”

Jaebeom has no reason to believe Youngjae, and it’s an obvious lie. Youngjae wouldn’t be so scared if he didn’t have a reason to. Even if it was just because of Jaebeom if the guy wasn’t dangerous he wouldn’t be so desperate for Jaebeom to leave. And he really has to leave, it’s getting too late, if he stays longer there won’t be a point on him even leaving and Jaebeom _is_ leaving. Staying here is not an option no matter how worried he is. There are lines he can’t cross.

“Do you think he will come back?” That earns him a small smile from the boy. 

Youngjae shakes his head lightly, “nah. You can rest assured he won’t be back,” it goes unsaid that he won’t be back tonight. But he will probably come back another time when Jaebeom isn’t here. It’s stupid, Jaebeom can’t stay here forever, nor can he take Youngjae with him. But he has to drag his body out of the tiny room, has to force himself to go, all his senses telling him to not leave. 

Just like he thought he would, Jaebeom regrets leaving Youngjae. He got soaked again on his way to his car, the umbrella Youngjae lent him was small and fragile, it didn’t do shit. When Jaebeom got home he took a hot shower, but all he wanted was to make sure Youngjae was okay. 

He tried calling, it was the first time he would call Youngjae. Jaebeom started to freak out when the boy didn’t pick up but after a few tries, he got a text from the boy saying he was asleep accompanied by an angry emoji. It eases Jaebeom’s worries, everything is fine. He isn’t even sure if that boy is really the one who hurt Youngjae, he might be overreacting. 

That’s what Jaebeom tells his brain when he tries to fall asleep, but now he has another thing to worry about: Youngjae. His nights were being sleepless because of Bomi and his job, now having Youngjae added to his list of things to worry about was too much for Jaebeom. He only caught a few hours of sleep before he had to leave for work. 

He catches sight of Youngjae’s clothes and his umbrella at the corner of his room. Jaebeom thinks about how he can give them back to the boy but he can’t think of a way to do that. Maybe, he will just keep them and buy Youngjae a decent umbrella. He probably won’t miss the clothes that much. It was settled.

It was a relief when he saw Youngjae getting in the office later and everything seemed to be fine with him, the next day. He was fine, everything was fine. 

Jaebeom kept working and he even texted Youngjae to know if he was okay going home by himself. The boy didn’t text him back, he just looked at Jaebeom and rolled his eyes at him. It was enough for Jaebeom to realize that he was overreacting for sure and he should stop acting so protective when nothing happened. 

The meeting is as boring as ever, Jaebeom hates these men’s tones. They don’t care about him being the best option for the company, they just think this will be the best outcoming for them. They are deadly wrong if they think they will be able to manipulate Jaebeom, he is fine pretending he doesn’t notice anything for now but it won’t last. 

One of the directors is going on for the past two hours about how Hyunjae is having an affair and how they could make a scandal out of it. Jaebeom has no idea why something like this comes up in a meeting, or why they are letting him talk. When his phone starts buzzing in his pocket Jaebeom thanks God for it. He excuses himself, leaving the room. 

Turns out he really had to pick up the call, it was Bomi and she was crying. Jaebeom could barely understand what she was saying or why she was crying. “Okay, just… breathe and tell dad what happened, okay?” 

“I don’t have a place for myself, and--” she sobs again, “and no one cares about me here. Or anywhere, I’m all alone,”

“What? You are not all alone, Bomi-yah, you have a family that loves you very much,” Jaebeom doesn’t understand why she is saying things like that. They sound so dumb and coming out of nowhere in his ears, there is no way she really would believe no one cares about her. “Something happened? You are just upset, baby.”

“I’m not just upset! And you don’t care either! Bet you are happy I’m not there anymore to bother you,” she hangs up on him after it. 

Jaebeom is left open-mouthed, he doesn’t know what just happened. He tries calling her back but she turned off her phone, he should go back to the meeting and try again later but Jaebeom can’t do that. He calls Seolhyun and just like he imagined he can hear the anger in her voice, it’s not directed at him but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t take it out on Jaebeom. 

Seolhyun and Bomi had an argument over the girl not doing her chores, it wasn’t even about her fighting or being suspended from school. It was something small, but apparently Bomi talks back a lot these days and it turned into something way bigger than it had to be. What Jaebeom doesn’t understand is how it turned into no one caring about her and even him not wanting anything to do with his daughter anymore. 

Even though Seolhyun assures him Bomi does that a lot it doesn’t sit right with Jaebeom. He can’t concentrate in the meeting anymore, God, he doesn’t even know why he is doing all of this. Jaebeom asks Mark to talk privately and tells him he has to leave, Mark is displeased with it and Jaebeom has had enough of all of this. 

“You should have more options for the position, I don’t know if I can go through with this,” Jaebeom says honestly. The thing with Bomi isn’t even about whether she’ll be moving back to Korea or not, right now Jaebeom feels like it’s more about him and Seolhyun doing whatever they can to give her the support she needs to grow up well. 

The company is meaningless to him right now. 

“Are you listening to yourself? This is all you’ve been working for, what can be more important?” It’s Mark’s job to take care of the company to make sure things work well. So, of course, he will put the firm first. And Jaebeom isn’t really giving up, not until he is sure of what he has to do, but he won’t act as if this is his main goal as if this is his priority. It isn’t. 

“Actually, a lot of things are more important than just a position,” Jaebeom says it lowly but without breaking eye contact. 

He feels better after it, nothing changed but it’s good to have his priorities set even if just for himself. Jaebeom drives to his parents’ house, he knows they won’t be asleep yet and it’s been a while since he last came over. They had already eaten but his mom sets the table for him as soon as he steps foot in the house. 

She nags him for a bit but mostly she is just trying to feed him, complaining about how he lost weight. Jaebeom smiles at the fondness in her voice, he didn’t lose weight at all, but he missed her food a lot so he eats it ‘till he can’t take anymore. He thinks about Youngjae and how much he would love her food.

Usually, Jaebeom wouldn’t bring up his problems, but he needs his parents’ help with Bomi. He won’t say anything about work, his mother dreams of the day he will be promoted, she says Jaebeom is hardworking and deserves to be seen as such. Jaebeom doesn’t know how she would react to it being on his way, if she would tell him to persuade it or not, probably she would agree it isn’t the best time but he knows for sure she would be upset about having to do that. 

“Maybe you don’t remember this, but you used to behave like this a lot when you were young. You were hot-tempered and you would never close your room door without slamming it,” they are sitting on the couch when his father says that. Jaebeom remembers it all too well. Slamming the door was his way to let them know he was very angry since he couldn’t yell at them. 

“It’s different though, this is not all she is doing. Dad, she thinks no one cares about her, that I don’t love her,” Jaebeom finally releases the breath he’s been holding. He feels like crying thinking about how clueless he is in this situation. “I don’t know what to do, she doesn’t even want to talk to me,”

“She will talk to you, son, wait ‘till tomorrow. Kids are like this, they make up terrible things in their heads and it’s like the end of the world for them but then they realize things aren’t like that and they come around.” 

“And then they do that again the very next day,” his mother jokes from his other side. At least Jaebeom hopes she is joking. 

They give him more advice and joke around. It’s good enough to make Jaebeom a little less worried. They have more experience than him dealing with problematic teenagers so he will take their words for it. 

Before he can leave the house his mother pulls him to the kitchen, she holds Jaebeom’s face in her hands, looking at him in a loving way. “My son, so handsome and so smart. I’ve been always been so proud of you since you were born I knew I’d raise a beautiful, kind-hearted kid,”

“Mom...” Jaebeom doesn’t know where this is all coming from, and even though his mother is saying she is proud of him she looks a little sad. 

“You are. You have a good heart, but you’re so pitiful, it hurts my heart. I always wanted you to be happy but I feel like I failed you,” she dries a single tear that rolls from her eye. “We should have let you do the things you liked, you shouldn’t be in that office, you shouldn’t pressure yourself into being perfect, it’s our fault your troubled all the time,”

“Mom, it’s not your fault,” Jaebeom understands what she means now. The way he feels like he is neglecting Bomi, she also feels like she did something wrong while raising Jaebeom. “I’m happy, I’m not troubled,”

She doesn’t look like she believes him at all. His mother knows him, of course, she does. “I hope you can be, son. I feel so sorry and I worry so much, you never tell us what is wrong. And when you do you always seem so lost,”

At that Jaebeom laughs, even if it’s not fun to think about that, he knows he always sounds lost and he knows why she is worried too. Jaebeom didn’t want to have a degree in accounting, he wanted to dance, and sing, and write. He wanted to do different things with his life, but it wasn’t his parents’ fault that they wanted what they thought was better for him. They were just looking out for Jaebeom. 

And Jaebeom doesn’t regret his decisions, everything is fine as it is. His mother hugs him for a while and she asks him to do things for himself. The talk about Bomi probably triggered this conversation, but Jaebeom doesn’t like how sorry his mother is for him. 

The way he always tries to protect her from his emotions and frustrations might not be so effective as he thought it was. 

His mother hugs him a few times more before he leaves the house. Jaebeom thinks about her words for a long time. It’s not that they bother him, but they make him sad. There’s no other way to see it. He is sad over how his mother looks at him and feels like she failed. Not in a way that she is disappointed in him, but is disappointed in herself for not making sure Jaebeom would be happy. 

On the weekend Jaebeom doesn’t do much, he stays at home and he gets to talk to Bomi. She acts as nothing happened the night prior, so Jaebeom doesn’t bring it up afraid she will overreact again. He just makes sure to tell her he loves her a bunch of times, even when the situation doesn’t call for it. 

Jaebeom doesn’t work on the things he has to, he just watches TV all day and night. Only for two days, he would like to ignore everything around him. Sometimes he starts to analyze his mom’s words, but then he stops himself, he doesn’t need to go there. 

When Monday comes Jaebeom hates every second of it. He treats every weekday equally, but this is a day he would rather erase, pretend he was still ignoring the world. At least he won’t have to go in any meetings tonight, Jaebeom can’t believe this is the highlight of his day. He is content he will go back to his routine at least. 

He notices Youngjae isn’t at his desk, his things are there but he isn’t. It’s just after lunch that he sees the boy. There is nothing different about him but he looks weird, Jaebeom can’t pinpoint what it is. He has a lot of work to do so he can’t really try to find out, but what he does notice is how he doesn’t feel Youngjae staring at him, not even once. It isn’t a big deal, so Jaebeom does his best to not think too much into it. 

It’s not that easy, controlling his brain when it comes to Youngjae is a hard task Jaebeom hasn’t mastered yet. When Youngjae gets out of his desk Jaebeom follows him to the restroom, he doesn’t want to be a creep even though he is pretty sure he is being one. He is about to go back to his desk before Youngjae can notice he walked after him when the boy opens the door of the restroom startling him. 

“What?” Youngjae asks as he gets in and walks to the sink and starts rinsing his face. Jaebeom notices the way he isn’t looking at him and is trying to put distance between them. 

“Something is wrong, what is it?” When Yongjae doesn’t say anything he walks to the boy standing next to him. “Youngjae-ssi, did something happen? Why are you acting weird?” 

“I’m not, and stop staring at me and following me around if you don’t want people to start talking shit about you,” the boy dries his hands and he groans lowly, still, Jaebeom hears it just fine. He turns Youngjae around by his arms and takes his hands on his. Sure enough, one of them is hurt. 

The same fingers Youngjae broke when Jaebeom hit him with his car are hurt again, they are bruised and it’s such an ugly angry purple, it must be killing Youngjae to work with them looking like this. “What the hell happened to you? Who did this?” But Jaebeom knows who did, “fuck, let’s go to the hospital, and did you call the police?”

“What?” Youngjae tries to take his hand away but Jaebeom hold is tight and he groans again. “Ahjussi, seriously, let go. This is nothing, I just--”

“You just what? Fell off the stairs again? Youngjae, you should go to the police, you can’t let that guy keep doing this to you,” he wants to take Youngjae to the hospital to see if everything is okay with him. He also wants to do the same to Moonbin’s fingers, each one of them. “Let me do something,”

“Ahjussi, why do you care?” Youngjae’s voice is soft and he lets Jaebeom hold his hand now. He would expect Youngjae to act angry, to push Jaebeom off, he definitely didn’t expect him to be so calm about it. 

Jaebeom looks at him for a few seconds, not too long but it feels like it is. Youngjae is looking at him as if he really can’t see why Jaebeom would care. “I-- Youngjae, of course, I care about you. I don’t need reasons for that, you’re important to me, I care if someone hurts you,” he says sincerely. 

Before Youngjae can say anything back they hear the door being opened. Youngjae practically runs away from him, Jaebeom didn’t notice how close they were to each other before. “Thank you, director-nim, that thing in my eye bothered me all day. Thank you,” he bows and leaves the restroom without sparing him or Jinhyuk another look. 

And Jinhyuk doesn’t look convinced at all by Youngjae’s lame excuse. Jaebeom knows he is ready to talk about what someone else would think if they saw Jaebeom and Youngjae like that, he isn’t in the mood for it. 

“Don’t,” it’s all Jaebeom says before he also leaves the restroom. 

Jaebeom wants to talk to Youngjae properly but at the bus stop the boy asks him to not follow him home, he says he wants to be alone. Jaebeom hates it, but he understands and it’s not like he will force his presence on Youngjae. 

Everything seems so wrong to Jaebeom, it’s not just about him. It’s about people he cares about not being happy, he wishes he could fix things. He feels so powerless not knowing what to do, Jaebeom doesn’t even know what to do with himself. 

Mark asks to see him and they have an argument, Jaebeom isn’t obligated to accept competing for the managing director position. But it seems like it’s his only option if he wants to stay at the firm, he doesn’t even know if he cares about it. It’s like the world is falling for Jaebeom but he doesn’t even have a reaction, he just stands there watching it. 

It’s just one week later that he finds Youngjae waiting for him by his car. Jaebeom can’t help it, he smiles and to his surprise, the boy smiles back at him. He can feel his heart going wild in his chest at the sight, he missed Youngjae so much. Seeing him around the office is nothing compared to seeing the boy waiting for him. 

“I want to go somewhere,” Youngjae says simply once Jaebeom reaches the car. And it doesn’t matter, Jaebeom will take him wherever he wants. Of course, he doesn’t say this part to Youngjae but the boy probably knows it. 

“Why are we in front of a Karaoke?” Jaebeom asks when he stops the car, Youngjae has been giving him directions and that’s all the talk they did. Jaebeom asked him if he was doing okay and Youngjae said he was, it was enough for Jaebeom. He didn’t even pay attention to where he was going. 

“Seems like someone is feeling a bit down lately, thought this will do to lift their mood,” they leave the car. Jaebeom hasn’t been to a Karaoke place in so long, he used to go a lot when he was a teenager, but after he got married he never went again, not even once. 

“You are the one who is down, right?” He asks but Youngjae just rolls his eyes saying sure it is him. Jaebeom is the one who pays for the room and for the snacks, not a surprise here, and not as he cares either. Youngjae seems oddly excited and he hasn’t seen him like this, ever. “Bomi, said you are a good singer, did you bring me here to show off?”

“Obvious, but first I want to judge your skills,” Youngjae makes a childish face at him that makes Jaebeom laugh out loud. 

He is a bit nervous to sing in front of Youngjae, the colorful lights on his skin make the boy look even prettier than normal. It’s like they are in an alternative universe and Jaebeom really doesn’t want to screw it up. But he does, somehow with the song. Since it’s taking him so long to do something Youngjae picks the song for Jaebeom, it’s something he has never heard and Jaebeom can’t get anything right. 

It’s worth it with the way Youngjae laughs, he laughs so hard at Jaebeom he has to sit at the large couch. Just to start stuffing his face with food on the next second. Youngjae lets Jaebeom sing more songs so he can have a better ‘evaluation’ on his own words. 

Jaebeom isn’t so into it at first, but when Youngjae stops eating and starts cheering him up with the tambourine and loud voice he gets into it. It’s the most fun Jaebeom has had in a while, his mind is completely empty, all he cares about is getting a score higher than ‘70’, which doesn’t happen no matter how much effort he puts on it. Those machines are dumb anyway. 

He gets tired of it after a bunch of songs and Youngjae hasn’t sung at all yet, so Jaebeom hands him the mic and tells him to sing something so he can be the new judge. 

“Finally we are done with these trot songs from the ’70s. Jesus, are you sure you aren’t like _old_ old?” Youngjae mocks and Jaebeom puts his tongue out at him without thinking too much about it. It’s enough for Youngjae to laugh like an idiot again, just because of how unexpected it was. “Okay, okay. Now, I will give you a class A performance,”

When he says it like that Jaebeom expected the boy to pick a ballad and to sing his lungs off. But what starts playing it’s nothing like a ballad, Youngjae looks at his surprised expression and gives him a smug smile. Jaebeom tries to read the name of the song on the screen, it says ‘MOMOLAND - Wonderful Love (EDM ver.)’. 

“Watch and learn,” Youngjae says before turning back to the screen. 

It’s a fun song, a kind of song Jaebeom would never picture Youngjae singing to. If it wasn’t a ballad he thought it would be something dark, it just fits Youngjae. But the fun song seemed to fit him even better because Youngjae seemed to really enjoy it. And at first, he was doing small movements that Jaebeom thought were nothing much. 

But then Youngjae starts spinning and actually dancing, it’s not as if he is just moving to the song, doing whatever he feels like. Jaebeom can’t believe what he is seeing but Youngjae is actually following a choreography. Doing cute movements and throwing hearts every once in a while. 

The song picks up and Youngjae is dabbing, Jaebeom loses it. He can’t stop laughing at Youngjae doing it and he can’t believe this is really part of the choreography, it can’t be. But it fits perfectly and Youngjae keeps dancing and singing as if his life depends on it, throwing dabs rhythmically when it seems like the song is asking for it. 

The dance break is the best part of the song, Youngjae forgets about the mic and just dances, he dances like a crazy man really. Jaebeom has tears in his eyes from laughter when Youngjae finally goes back to singing and stops moving his head like he has no control over his neck. After it, he just watches as Youngjae keeps singing and dancing and dabbing with more frequency. 

Jaebeom can see why Bomi would like Youngjae so much after he sang the Barbie song. God, Jaebeom can see why he likes Youngjae so much. He barely noticed if Youngjae can really sing or not, watching him having fun was too distracting. Jaebeom had the biggest smile on his face when Youngjae finished the song and scored ‘95’ even though he didn’t sing a lot of times. 

He sat by Jaebeom’s side on the couch, biting his lip as he smirked up at him. “Did you enjoy the performance, Ahjussi?”

“Very much so. You should have become an idol,” Jaebeom tells him and it makes Youngjae laugh again. “Thank you,” he doesn’t have to say what he is thankful for, Youngjae can figure it out himself. If he believes it’s about today so be it, but it’s about way more than that. 

“I want to enjoy it while it lasts,” Youngjae says and then he points at the timer, getting to his feet and pulling Jaebeom with him so they can sing together.

Youngjae sings and tries to dance to every song they pick, even the ones he doesn’t know how to dance to. Jaebeom can feel actual happiness in his entire body, it’s warm.

Jaebeom also wants to enjoy this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u want to see what youngjae was dancing to [here it is](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrQUdlTgLv8)  
> :) i picture it a lot,, for years lol  
> hope this was good,, im never sure about the pace but pls bear with me :D


	5. Worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man honestly i miss 2jae so much... writing whatever makes me feel happy about them....

The office was still packed even though it was way past their work time, it was usual for an end of semester. It was always like that, everyone had to work late. Well, not everyone, a few people have left already, and Youngjae didn’t need to stay either. And yet, he was still at his desk, typing away as if just like the others he had balance sheets and investment results to analyze, and presentations to prepare. He hadn’t. 

Jaebeom would check the clock and his desk every once in a while, and Youngjae was still there. He wanted to send Youngjae some kind of sign to tell him to leave already but he didn’t know how. So after a while, Jaebeom just decided to talk to him, he was his boss it wouldn’t be weird. He had to keep reminding himself that his interactions with Youngjae weren’t suspicious, they were like any other he had with the employees. 

Youngjae looked up at him as soon as he stood in front of the boy, “need any help, director-nim?”

It was weird when he treated Jaebeom by ‘director-nim’ even if it was the appropriate way, Jaebeom wasn’t used to it. “What are you still doing here? Go home, hm?”

“Hm?” Youngjae looked confused, then he smiled at Jaebeom, which is even weirder for him to do at the office. “Are you done for the day? Are you leaving soon?”

“No? I have a lot to do still, but you are done and you are leaving,” Jaebeom doesn’t know why he is still here, Youngjae is always eager to go home. And now it would just look weird to the other employees that he is working overtime when he doesn’t need to. Sure, he might be of help to some of the lazy asses around there but he isn’t indispensable. “Go,”

“I’ll leave when you leave, Ahjussi,” the boy says a little daring, smirking at Jaebeom and going back to his computer screen as if they were done. 

“God, you don’t have to wait for me, Youngjae-ssi. Just--” but then it hits Jaebeom that maybe Youngjae has a reason to do so. He never required Jaebeom to walk him home, but if he is willing to wait for him just to do that it’s probably because he needs to. “Are you afraid to go home by yourself?”

The image of that other boy waiting at Youngjae’s place and the boy showing up hurt later still stuck to Jaebeom’s memory. He hasn’t let Youngjae go home alone since, so for a while, he didn’t think about it being a problem. 

But he seems to be right about his assumption, Youngjae looks at him as if he is out of his mind and what he just suggested doesn’t make any sense. But then his face morphs into a pleading one, a small pout on his lips. “Yes, I am. Don’t wanna go home by myself, it’s scary,”

Even though this is not very likely him, and he definitely sounds like he is mocking Jaebeom somehow, he won’t try his luck. Jaebeom knows he wouldn’t forgive himself if something bad happened to Youngjae again. “Alright, I can work from home. Wait for me in my car, I’ll leave in about ten minutes,”

He hands Youngjae his keys as quietly as he can, that’s a bit much but he doesn’t want Youngjae to be uncomfortable while he waits. Also, in the car, it would be harder to see him than if he were just standing there. 

Youngjae does as he is said, he doesn’t even protest or anything. He just gives a small smile when he sees the ugly keyring he got Jaebeom and gets his stuff. Jaebeom goes back to his desk and tries to work for a bit more so no one will think it’s weird that he left right after Youngae. Two other people leave before he does, so he is sure it will be alright. 

Maybe Jaebeom is putting too much at risk here, if there is someone really spying on him spending this much time with Youngjae won’t be bad just for the promotion. If anyone starts a rumor he might lose his job altogether, it might look bad even for him trying to find something else. He feels a bit worried about it, thinking about what exactly he is doing while he is at the elevator. But as soon as he sees Youngjae waiting for him in his car he remembers why he is not so worried about it to the point of stopping. 

The truth is that it’s too good for Jaebeom to stop. As stupid of a reason as it might be Jaebeom doesn’t want to let go of Youngjae because of his job or his reputation. He will deal with whatever comes his way if he can at least get to keep this. 

On their way to Youngjae’s house, the boy won’t shut up which is not usual, but it makes Jaebeom feel warm all over. It also helps a lot, since Jaebeom was so tired and sleepy he was afraid he would just fall asleep or maybe drive home and forget Youngjae was there with him. They can’t have dinner together as they usually do when Jaebeom drives him home. 

Jaebeom has a lot of work to do, even though he left earlier than some of the other employees he is the one who will work the most tonight and on the next few nights as well. Jaebeom knows that because he is the boss, and when it comes down to it the responsibility is all on him. So, it’s only natural that every quarter he only gets a few hours of sleep and even has to skip meals to get everything done in time. 

Having to drive Youngjae every day is an addition to it all, the only good thing about it is that he goes home earlier. It’s better to work at home than at the office anyway. But he wastes an hour or so doing that, not that Jaebeom is doing it against his will. He wants to do that, he doesn’t want to let Youngjae go home by himself. But staying one hour out means one hour more that he has to stay up to work and not sleeping. 

And after the first time it happens it keeps happening, Jaebeom will give Youngjae his keys every day at lunchtime. And everyday Youngjae will wait for him in his car for two hours or more ‘till Jaebeom feels like it’s okay to leave the office. He doesn’t know if anyone notices the boy in his car, at least no one talks to him about that. Not that he thinks they would be dumb enough to talk about it with him, but he hasn’t heard anything around the office. Maybe everyone is too busy to care about his life. Everything is fine for now. 

“Ahjussi, don’t you miss having dinner with me?” Youngjae asks when they are at his door and Jaebeom is about to leave. He feels his heartbeat getting more intense real fast. “Don’t you wanna have noodles tonight?”

“I do,” Jaebeom admits, because yes he misses eating with Youngjae. Even though they are here together now Jaebeom misses him. He misses the way they would spend more time together, now it’s just half an hour or so, and Jaebeom wants more. “But I have a lot to do, just a few more weeks, yeah?”

He knows the words sound way softer than he intended them to, and that’s probably what gives Youngjae the confidence he needed to keep trying. 

“You can work here, use your phone and I’ll make my special noodles recipe for you, what do you say?” Youngjae also sounds softer than he ever does. He never talks to Jaebeom like this and that’s too hard to say no to. So, Jaebeom nods and Youngjae finally opens the door so they can get inside. 

“But I’ll just eat with you and then go, my phone has been acting up lately,” and sure enough when Jaebeom takes his phone from his pocket the thing is turned off. The first few times it happened he thought the battery had drained out, but it was never the case, it was just turned off. “I’ll have to get a new one, I can’t have my phone off all the time.”

“No! You don’t have to, use my laptop and I’ll fix your phone for you,” Youngjae says, taking his phone from his hand. 

“And since when can you fix phones?” Jaebeom narrows his eyes at him, he doesn’t believe Youngjae can fix it nor he wants to use the boy’s laptop. But Youngjae just rolls his eyes at him and gives him his laptop, pointing at the mattress so Jaebeom can sit there. The place has no chairs so Jaebeom doesn’t have any other option. 

“Young people can fix anything, it’s probably something simple anyway,” Youngjae says simply. 

Having to sit on Youngjae’s mattress is uncomfortable to say the least. Jaebeom is regretting every decision he ever made that got him here, as difficult as it is to say no to Youngjae it would be easier than this. 

Jaebeom feels like he can’t move, and yet Youngjae doesn’t seem to notice anything awkward between them. He bends over Jaebeom's shoulders, putting on his password before leaving him to it, in order to start cooking. Jaebeom does his best to act naturally, even though at first he can just keep his eyes at Youngjae’s back.

It takes him a few minutes to snap out of it and finally pay attention to the laptop. Jaebeom finds himself surprised by how empty it is. There is nothing at the desktop, not even a wallpaper or files, he expected it to be a mess the way Bomi’s computer is. He decides to ignore it, it’s nothing important anyway. Just weird. 

Jaebeom barely has the time to log on to the company account and start opening a few files before Youngjae is sitting in front of him with a pan and chopsticks. “Voialá!” The boy says with a smile, and Jaebeom abandons the laptop so they can eat. 

The noodles are indeed good, way too good for something so simple, they talk while they eat about whatever comes to Youngjae’s mind. Jaebeom really isn’t used to this. This proximity to Youngjae is so disconcerting he almost wishes they could go back to when the boy was just rude and would ignore him completely. Of course, this is way more comfortable, but in a way it isn’t. 

He is trying to put some distance between them, in every possible way, but it’s like no matter what he does Youngjae just gets closer and closer to him. When they finish eating Jaebeom even thinks about leaving but he is so full he doesn’t want to move from his spot, with a lot of effort he at least goes back to his work. 

Jaebeom works so much better after he ate, maybe that’s why he was having such a hard time working at home. He would forget to eat or not want to waste time on it, but now that his stomach is so full and warm with food it’s easier to work. He even feels himself being more productive. 

But when Youngjae goes back to the mattress and sits close, way too close to him, Jaebeom feels a different kind of warmth. The boy isn’t even paying him no mind, he is doing something to Jaebeom’s phone, so the older man has to remind himself that this is just them hanging out and nothing more. It takes some time but soon enough Jaebeom is able to concentrate on his work again. 

It’s tiring and Jaebeom thinks he has worked enough, he should leave, but first he will close his eyes just for a little bit. That’s the last thought he has, then he is opening his eyes again and there is no doubt that he didn’t just close his eyes for a bit. He is resting his head on Youngjae’s shoulder and he can feel the boy’s body moving as he breathes in and out. 

This is mortifying, Jaebeom wants to run away but he can’t even move. He is just so embarrassed for falling asleep like this, and even worse falling asleep on Youngjae. After debating with himself on what to do for a while Jaebeom finally fixes his posture which gets Youngjae’s attention. He feels his face burning when the boy looks at him, but it’s not like he could pretend to be still sleeping forever. 

“I guess I dozed off for a moment,” he says sleepish and it makes Youngjae laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess. Here is your phone it shouldn’t turn off out of nowhere again,” Youngjae assures and that catches Jaebeom’s attention. He had almost forgotten about it, and he didn’t really think Youngjae was going to fix it. He thought the boy was just trying to make him stay. And well, he still doesn’t know if he really fixed it. 

When he asks what exactly Youngjae did, the boy just says he watched some videos on how to make it work again. Jaebeom will just wait and see if it really works, if it doesn’t he will get a new one. 

It’s late so Jaebeom has to leave, he is sleepy and tired but he is more relaxed now than when he goes home straight away. It isn’t so hard to drive home, it’s easier now than it was when he left the office, as tired as he is, Jaebeom feels like he rested for a long while. So, that’s all the excuse he needs to keep staying at Youngjae’s almost every night. Ignoring the way this is just a bad idea. But the first time everything went so fine, even his phone stopped turning itself off, it was like a sign.

At first, he thought it would be bad for him to work there, but then he started bringing his own laptop with him, and he always had food with the boy, and on top of that Youngjae was helping him. It wasn’t like Youngjae could do his work for him, but he knew how to help, probably because he has been working at the firm for a few months now so he knows what to do. And he was always happy to help Jaebeom so he could sleep a few more hours once he got home. 

Jaebeom wouldn’t say he is getting more work done than usual, because Youngjae is distracting, he tries to get Jaebeom to take breaks every other minute. But he isn’t doing less than he would do by himself either, so that’s a relief. And it doesn’t hurt that he doesn’t feel so terribly lonely while working as he does when it’s just him at his apartment. 

It goes on like this for a while, but when the deadline Jaebeom and his team set is getting closer and closer he can’t hang out with Youngjae anymore. In fact, Jaebeom can barely leave the office nowadays. In the office is where he gets most of the job done, and it’s where his team is at so they can work together without needing to video call or email each other too often. 

It was clear to Jaebeom that Youngjae wasn’t really afraid of going home by himself, not that it wasn’t obvious enough before but he had decided to ignore it at the time. But now that it was impossible for him to leave the office, Youngjae didn’t have a problem going home alone, he didn’t even stick around like he would do the first days. And to Jaebeom’s relief, he never showed up hurt again, so he felt less worried. 

The past week was hell for Jaebeom though, he could feel his body giving up on him the more he stayed at the office. He was counting the days to be free from all this hard work, just ‘till the end of this week and he could go back to breathing. Sure, they would still have work to do, but they’d always take it easy for a bit once they were done with the end of a semester. 

After a meeting with one of the biggest companies they provide service to, Jaebeom drags his body back to the office just to take his things and finally head home. The hell isn’t completely over, but they did the tough work already, anything new would be just fixing small mistakes or stuff they let pass. And that wasn’t up to Jaebeom, thank God. 

On his way out Jaebeom stops at Youngjae’s desk, “I’m going home now, and I’ll sleep for a hundred hours,” 

Youngjae looks up at him tilting his head, “you do that, director-nim…”

He is being mindful while Jaebeom couldn’t care less, maybe it’s because of the exhaustion he is feeling. But it is also partially because he decided that him talking to Youngjae is just suspicious if they make it suspicious, they don’t have anything so there’s nothing for others to be suspicious about. 

“You do that too, rest as much as you can. I’ll pick you up tomorrow when I wake up. I’ll text you in advance,” not as if Youngjae is as tired as he is, but Jaebeom wants him to be well-rested too. He was thinking about what he should do after he was done with the load of work he had in his hands, usually, he would just stay home for a few days and sleep. Eating and sleeping nothing else. 

But this time he has something else in mind, he is super tired but Jaebeom wants to do something else. He was supposed to bring Bomi to Korea, but his mother decided it would be better if she did that for him. She said it was because she wanted some time with her granddaughter and to also see how she was living, but Jaebeom knew it was about him. He couldn’t leave the city now in case something urgent came up at the office, and she wanted him to rest. 

So for the weekend, it would be just Jaebeom and he didn’t want to be alone neither did he want to be the third wheel for Jackson and Jinyoung. He doesn’t know why it has become a problem lately but he really didn’t want that. Therefore Jaebeom went home after work and just like he said he would he went straight to bed, he slept enough for all the days he didn’t catch any sleep this past week. 

He didn’t wake up as late as he thought he would, Jaebeom even tried to sleep some more but his body was energized already. He couldn’t stay in bed any longer. The day was beautiful outside, maybe too warm but he would have to deal with it, it was better it being hot than rainy anyway. 

Jaebeom did everything he had to do around the house, he showered and picked nice comfy clothes, he texted Youngjae to do the same and was glad when the boy replied back right away. At least he was awake, it wasn’t that early but Jaebeom didn’t know how much Youngjae could sleep on a weekend day. 

When Jaebeom finally makes it to Youngjae’s single-room the boy looks scandalized when he sees him. “Where the hell do you think you are taking me, Ahjussi? If it’s the gym, forget about it. In fact, I think I’m a little sick, bye,”

Jaebeom rolls his eyes and pushes Youngjae out of the way so he can enter the place. He is so used to being there it isn’t even awkward like the first few times. “Why would I take you to the gym?” 

Jaebeom is not dressed in gym clothes, well, maybe they would look like that. He wanted to be comfortable, he threw on long shorts and a tank top, it could look like he was going to the gym, yes. And even though he told Youngjae to wear something comfortable as well, he went with something totally different. Flannel pants and shirt, it looked like he was in his pajamas. 

“So what? Do you wanna show off or something?” When Jaebeom doesn’t understand what he is talking about, the boy points at his arms. Jaebeom does his best to feign annoyance but he is more embarrassed by the insinuation than mad. “Let’s just stay here and play video games,”

“Video games?” Jaebeom didn’t know Youngjae had a video game or that he was into that, it made sense if he thought about it but it never crossed his mind. He used to play when he was younger but just to pass the time, it wasn’t a big hit for him, not really. “Youngjae-ssi, I want to take you to the mountains, breathe fresh air, and see nature. Do you really would rather play video games?”

Youngjae nods slowly but it’s just because that’s who he is, he never wants to agree with Jaebeom on anything. But Jaebeom knows he is excited, he can see it in his eyes. “Alright, I guess I can do it for you. But we need mosquito repellent,”

That’s his biggest worry. Jaebeom assures him they will get one, to which Youngjae also complains because they need to get one each so Jaebeom doesn’t use all of his. Now he is deliberately being a brat but Jaebeom agrees to every little thing he comes up with. They stop to buy the mosquito repellent and then to buy snacks, they buy a lot, Jaebeom knows Youngjae won’t be able to eat half of them. 

This time Youngjae isn’t loud in the car like he had been the last few times he was in Jaebeom’s car. Youngjae can be very loud sometimes but he also can be so quiet that Jaebeom will forget he is in the car with him. He thinks about how Youngjae was loud when Jaebeom needed him to be to keep him awake but now it’s like he was done with his work. It was cute for Jaebeom somehow. 

They didn’t drive for too long, Jaebeom wished he could take Youngjae somewhere nice, the boy seemed like he would enjoy a change of scenario. But all Jaebeom could do now was take him to a mountain nearby where they could see Seoul from above. It was also more appropriate than going to another city with him.

It seemed to be enough of a change for Youngjae though, he was jumping when they left the car, saying everything was too pretty and taking photos of it all. They didn’t see anything yet, it was just green trees and nothing more. “Have you ever been somewhere like this?”

Youngjae shakes his head, “no, I’ve never been anywhere really,” 

Jaebeom wants to know more about it but he lets it slide for now. It’s already much that Youngjae gave him that piece of information, he never gives away anything from his life. There are more cars where they park and Jaebeom shows Youngjae around, the boy looks like a kid in a toy store. Jaebeom didn’t expect to be so successful, he was happy he opted for this instead of staying home. 

“Did you rest well? We're gonna go hiking,” Jaebeom tells Youngjae with a smile already expecting what comes next. Youngjae’s mouth drops and he looks incredulous. 

“Are you kidding, Ajusshi? We're just gonna walk around the trees and take pretty photos, right?” Youngjae doesn’t sound too distressed but when Jaebeom shakes his head at him he changes his tone completely. “No, no, no. No way I’m going hiking, I’m not built for this and it’s just a no. I broke my arm, remember? You do that, I’ll wait for you here,”

“You don’t need your arm to hike, also your arm looks more than fine for me,” Jaebeom gets closer to Youngjae so he can show him the pics on his phone. “This is how it looks when you get to the top, don’t you wanna make this memory?”

“Ahjussi…” he complains but he even takes the phone away from Jaebeom to see the photos better. They look amazing and they were taken in the morning, but if Jaebeom and Youngjae make it in time they will be able to see the sunset there. “God, we gonna be so tired and then will have to come back, it will take forever,”

“Youngjae-ssi, some things are worth the wait and the pain,” Jaebeom looks right in his eyes and it seems to do the trick. Youngjae shoves his phone back on his chest and starts walking in the wrong direction. Jaebeom has to go after him and turn him around. 

There is a guide that takes groups hiking, of course, they wouldn’t go alone. There are other people going as well. Youngjae looks a little uninterested but Jaebeom knows he isn’t. And at first, they walk just like everyone else, it’s not that hard. But then the climb becomes too steep and Youngjae starts complaining nonstop. 

Jaebeom is also having a hard time keeping up with the group but to his luck, Youngjae is making it look like it’s all him. They go a bit slower than the rest of the group, still, Jaebeom makes sure they never lose the guide of sight. He also makes an effort to not laugh too loud every time Youngjae starts saying he is about to die and that he is gonna kill Jaebeom for this. 

All of Youngjae’s complaints die in his tongue once they get to the top almost three hours later, he just stops talking altogether. There are people talking around but Jaebeom can’t hear them, he only has eyes and ears for Youngjae. He looks everything as if it’s a magical place, it feels magical for Jaebeom too. 

“It’s so pretty, I-- thank you, Ahjussi,” when Youngjae looks at him Jaebeom is taken aback by how beautiful he looks. Of course, he looks tired and a bit red from the climb, his hair is also a mess, but his eyes are shining. Youngjae looks so happy, Jaebeom had no idea something like this could make the boy so happy. Nor did he imagine he could be so happy by seeing the boy like this. 

“It’s okay. It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jaebeom tries to play it cool, but really he just wanted to take his phone from his pocket and snap a few photos of Youngjae. He doesn’t want to forget about how he looked today, ever. But Jaebeom guesses his memory will have to do the job all by itself. 

After Youngjae looks a little more they sit together not too near the edge, because Youngjae is too scared for that, but close enough that they can see the sunset over the city. They are sitting as close as they do when they are at Youngjae’s place, but this feels different somehow. They are in public and there’s a lot of space for them to sit. Still, they chose to be so close to each other. It feels nice like this. 

And for Jaebeom is even better, because it's like it’s just the two of them, he can turn everyone else off, and focus just on the way Youngjae is talking to him softly. 

“I wish we could stay longer to see the stars, I bet we’d be able to see a lot of them up in here,” Youngjae mumbles, the moon is already visible but a little faded. They will have to leave in less than five minutes to make sure they are all safe on their way back before it gets too dark. 

“If we come a few more times we will be able to do that by ourselves, so it will be okay for us to stay as much as we want,” Jaebeom assures him getting to his feet and offering his hand for Youngjae. When he accepts it the touch feels like something out of this world just like everything else around them. 

It’s not practical to do it like that, but when they go down the trail Youngjae and Jaebeom walk side by side. Their arms keep touching, and it takes Jaebeom everything he has to not take Youngjae’s hand on his again and just hold it all the way down. Jaebeom is really trying to not mix things up in his head. 

This is nothing more than a friendship, he didn’t think he could get so close to Youngjae. But they are close now and that’s all that it is to it. No matter the way his heart goes crazy around the boy, it’s probably because of how lonely he is and how Youngjae is the only person he has around all the time. He knows he is too invested in the boy, but that’s all there is to it. Youngjae is making him happy just by being here with him, he doesn’t need to mess things by holding Youngjae’s hand, or by saying anything inappropriate. 

When they finally make it to the bottom of the mountain most of the group that went up with them are sitting at some tables and others have already left. Youngjae says he wants to eat in the car and that’s what they do. They have the windows down to feel the cool air and for Youngjae to see the view better. 

After Youngjae eats almost everything they had left, which Jaebeom thought wasn’t possible, he turns to Jaebeom again. This time he isn’t smiling, his face is blank and Jaebeom can’t read anything on it. 

“Ahjussi, you bringing me here to see something I’ve never seen before it’s nice. I’m really thankful, but what I’m more thankful for is not the new things I’m seeing,” Youngjae averts his eyes from him and looks down at his hands. “I’m thankful about the new things I’m feeling,”

Jaebeom has no idea what Youngjae is feeling, he doesn’t know if he wants to know but at the same time he needs to. Youngjae is quiet for so long he thinks he won’t say anything else, Jaebeom would let it be just like he did before but he feels like this time it’s different. This time Youngjae might want him to ask. 

So he breathes in and out a few times to calm himself before speaking again. It doesn’t help much, he can still hear his loud breathing, “what are these new things?”

“There’s a few,” Youngjae smiles nervously, “no one ever made me feel cared for, and no one ever even treated me like I deserve nice things, like I’m just like them. I-- I don’t know, but whenever I see you, Ahjussi, I feel some kind of happiness and that’s what I want you to feel as well. I really want you to find happiness,” 

Jaebeom has to close his eyes at the words, feeling too overwhelmed. He doesn’t know what kind of people Youngjae had in his life for this to be the first time the boy feels cared for, not when Jaebeom does so little. And it all might be too new for Youngjae, but hearing those words are also something new for Jaebeom. He has never heard anyone saying they wanted him to be happy other than his parents. 

He didn’t even think that it was important or even a thing, but hearing that his happiness is important for Youngjae makes everything Jaebeom has been feeling for a while grow even more inside him. Jaebeom doesn’t even think much about it before he takes Youngjae’s hand on his, if on the trail it seemed like it would be too much now it felt like it was right. 

“Youngjae-yah, today I was happy,” he says softly while one of his fingers caresses the boy’s pulse. “When I was up in there and I looked into your eyes, I was so happy,”

Youngjae still looks a bit nervous but he squeezes Jaebeom’s hand in return. They don’t talk anymore, Jaebeom holds his hand ‘till the boy says he is ready to go home. 

While Jaebeom drives, Youngjae complains about his sore muscles and how he won’t be able to move for the next few days. Jaebeom is happy things don’t become awkward between them. He doesn’t have time to overthink what he did earlier, how he held Youngjae’s hand without a reason to do so. But he barely hears what Youngjae is talking about when he remembers the things Youngjae said. 

He really wants to know more about Youngjae, he seems so lonely and so hurt. But Jaebeom has to know when to press and when to wait. Youngjae opens up to him at his own pace, Jaebeom just wants to make sure he will feel comfortable in the future to tell him more about the things that happened to him. 

That night the hardest thing Jaebeom has to do is let go of Youngjae when it’s time to drop him off, he can’t use the excuse of eating together when they ate so much already. And they are both very tired so there is no way but saying goodbye. Yet, it’s like something changed between them. 

Youngjae looks at him for a few seconds, face close to his own, it’s not long but it feels like he can see even Jaebeom’s soul. Before he leaves the car the boy makes sure to tell Jaebeom to rest well and eat all his meals, and to have a good time with Bomi when the girl gets home. He is acting too caring. 

He walks the stars by himself, he insisted he would rather Jaebeom go home already. Jaebeom agrees to it this time just because it isn’t so late and because he doesn’t know if he wouldn’t look for a way to stay with Youngjae if he didn’t leave right away. 

He only goes back to work on Tuesday, Jaebeom uses the time to rest a little more, and now he finally just stays at home eating and sleeping. His body isn’t so eager to leave the bed after the hike, on the contrary Jaebeom barely gets up. It was like medicine going to the mountain with Youngjae, but in a way that finally allowed him to just stay in and rest. 

Things are a bit slower one the office, some employees took days off now, they waited for the moment they would need it the most. Jaebeom should have done that too in order to stay home with Bomi, but the reason he can’t take more days off is mainly because he took them to stay with her already. 

His mother comes back from Australia with his daughter a couple of days later. It has been a long time since Jaebeom saw Bomi, the longest time since she was born. It was difficult for him but it was even more for her, she had grown as kids do her age. And for Jaebeom everything was new, but she was still the same little girl. 

Jaebeom won’t lie, at first he felt like things had changed. But she only needed to be babied for a few minutes in order for her to go back to her normal self. Then she was showing just how excited she was to be back home. It was really a shame that Jaebeom couldn’t take all the month off to be with her. He missed Bomi so much, it was crazy how he felt it in his chest even more now that she was there. 

It was like being reminded of every little second they missed apart from each other. Jaebeom didn’t waste time and started spoiling her as soon as he could, he knew he was doing that and it would probably bite him in the ass later. But it was the only time he had with her, at least for now they hadn’t decided what they will do after the Summer break. So, he had to make his daughter happy all the time while they were together. 

Jaebeom would work thinking about what he would do with Bomi when he got home. Where he would take her and what they would eat. She was staying most of the time with his parents, but she didn’t even complain because every night it would be like the weekend for her, she was allowed pretty much anything. They would do whatever she wanted to do. 

The only down part of it all was Youngjae. Not that he seemed to care or was acting up the way he did when Jaebeom had the meetings and couldn’t walk him home. No, he didn’t even comment on Jaebeom having to go straight home from work. It was Jaebeom that missed the boy like crazy. 

Sure, he would worry about Youngjae but he never showed up hurt again. The main reason why Jaebeom wanted to drive Youngjae home so bad was because he missed him. Missed to be in the same place as the boy without a bunch of people around where they couldn’t even talk. Youngjae would text him every once in a while, Jaebeom freaked out the first time it happened, he didn’t know what to do. But it was always just Youngjae saying he was doing fine and for Jaebeom to enjoy his time with Bomi. It was like he knew how much Jaebeom missed him. 

Jaebeom worried about Youngjae again one day when the boy went to work wearing a hoodie even though it was so hot it was hard to breathe. Jaebeom could not imagine Youngjae leaving his single-room wearing that. He went to Youngjae’s desk and asked if he was okay, Youngjae shrugged nonchalantly and said he was fine. 

Even though Jaebeom wasn’t very convinced about it there were no other signs that Youngjae wasn’t doing fine. Not as if Jaebeom could talk to him for long in order to try to figure out if something was wrong but he seemed to be okay. Still, it was bugging Jaebeom so much he had to call Youngjae when he got home. 

It was surprising when the boy picked up the phone and he was as sweet to Jaebeom as the man has got used to. It wasn’t that he expected things to change so fast, but for a moment he had been scared Youngjae wouldn’t talk to him the same way. He was just being paranoid, Youngjae was talking excitedly to him and he sounded the same. It made Jaebeom a little relieved, he was probably doing fine. 

“You sure nothing happened?” Jaebeom asks again just to hear it. What he can almost hear is the way he knows Youngjae is rolling his eyes. 

“Yes, Ahjussi, nothing happened. I haven’t even seen Moonbin since that night. If anything I’m a little lonely here,” Jaebeom doesn’t like the way Youngjae always mocks the situation. He probably doesn’t really think everything is okay when it comes to that guy but he acts like that. He tries to be more annoyed at that than embarrassed about the way Youngjae sounded like he was flirting with Jaebeom. That couldn’t be. 

“Hm, Youngjae-ssi…” he wants to change the subject and luckily enough Bomi gets into his room without knocking. Jaebeom has hung up quickly. But he wasn’t so lucky that she didn’t hear whom he was talking to. 

When Bomi hears him saying Youngjae’s name it’s like suddenly she is reminded about how amazing Youngjae is and starts pressing about seeing the boy all the time. She just wants to go to the office to see him again, probably for her seein Youngjae out of there is not something possible. 

Jaebeom thinks about it and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, not at the office obviously, but now that Bomi is home they have been hanging out with Jinyoung and Jackson a lot again. It was normal for her to have his friends around, and now he was friends with Youngjae, she could hang out with him just fine. Maybe Jaebeom could take the boy out with them, it would be fine. Not crossing any lines, he tells himself. 

But that would have to wait. Bomi wants to have a sleepover at Chaeryeong’s, and Jaebeom allows her to, not like he denies anything to her. He wants to use the night to eat out with Youngjae, just the two of them. After that he will ask the boy if he would like to go out with him and Bomi. Jaebeom doesn’t want to put him in a situation that he is not comfortable with. And before sharing Youngjae with Bomi he wants to be with him just the two of them. There is no special reason for that. Jaebeom just misses having Youngjae’s attention. 

Having dinner with Youngjae is the only thing Jaebeom can think about all day after he leaves Bomi at Chaeryeong’s house with her parents. He thought about texting Youngjae about it but Jaebeom wanted to tell him in person. He tried catching Youngjae’s eyes all morning even though he felt stupid tdoing that. But it never worked out anyway. 

Youngjae was still wearing the hoodie everyday and especially today he looked so pale. Jaebeom wanted to believe he was doing fine, but it was difficult. At least tonight he would clean this up for once. 

At lunch break Jaebeom thought he would get the chance to speak to Youngjae but he disappeared before Jaebeom could even make his way over to him. Jaebeom ate with some of his coworkers, but before he headed back to the office he went to his car to take his glasses. Jaebeom hated to wear them so he was always forgetting them in his car or losing them altogether. But recently he would get headaches if he worked for too long without them. 

Jaebeom takes his glasses from the glove compartment, making his way back to the elevator slowly as he checks his email in his phone. Before he can actually get into the elevator he hears a noise, Jaebeom doesn’t pay it much mind but then the conversation continues and Jaebeom thinks he knows the voices. 

He quickly scans the building parking and then his eyes catch Youngjae’s hoodie. Jaebeom takes a few steps in his direction but then he notices Mark and he stops dead on his tracks. They seem to be having an argument and they are standing close in order to whisper whatever they are saying to each other. Jaebeom wouldn’t have seen them if the whispers hadn’t turned into loud mumbled words. 

Everything on Jaebeom is screaming at him to go there and to see why they are together. It makes no sense to him that Youngjae is speaking to Mark. Mark shouldn’t even know Youngjae exists the same way he acts as if he doesn’t know anyone in the firm that doesn’t have a high position. Yet, here he is hiding from everyone else to talk to Youngjae. 

Instead of going there, Jaebeom walks back to his car and sits there. He watches as Mark and Youngjae talk with each other. They don’t seem friendly at all, but it doesn’t change the way Jaebeom feels. He thought he and Youngjae had some sort of relationship that the boy didn’t have with anyone else in the firm. Seeing them together makes Jaebeom crazy to go there and demand an explanation. But, of course, he doesn’t. 

Not even five minutes after Jaebeom gets to his car to watch them, they stop talking. Mark leaves first and Youngjae sits on the floor, he waits another five minutes to go back to the office as well. It makes Jaebeom even angrier with the situation. Why would they need to act as if they weren’t together if this wasn’t important? 

God, Jaebeom really didn’t want it to be the same kind of relationship they had. Of course, Jaebeom would tell himself that they were just friends, so there was no reason for him to be jealous of Youngjae. But he was, he was so jealous it was killing him. 

The more he thought about it, the less sense it would make. Youngjae was with him almost every night, he wouldn’t have time to have anything with Mark. But still, he knows people can go behind everyone’s back to be together even when it seems impossible. Jaebeom found out about it the worst way possible. But it wasn’t the same thing, Youngjae wasn’t Seolhyun, and they definitely weren’t married or in any kind of romantic relationship. He shouldn’t overreact over this. 

Jaebeom tries to convince himself it was something harmless for the rest of his shift, but it’s just too hard for him. He decided to go out with Youngjae for dinner no matter what, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Jaebeom watched as Youngjae packed his things and left the office, he wanted to do something about it, but he couldn’t move. 

It was ridiculous how much Jaebeom missed Youngjae and how much he wanted to be with him even if for just one night. But Jaebeom felt paralyzed by all the possible scenarios he created in his head. 

Jaebeom went home to an empty apartment that night. He was used to it, but not used to be there by himself without seeing Youngjae beforehand. He could barely sleep that night and when he feel asleep it was for stupid nightmares of Youngjae holding hands with Mark, doing everything they did together. 

It made Jaebeom so angry with himself. On the next day he just ignored any thought of Youngjae, ignored the text he had sent the night prior. And did his best to not look his way. Jaebeom felt like trash doing it to him, but it wasn’t worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope it was enjoyable since it was for me lol


	6. No permission to leave

Jaebeom feels something annoying poking at his ribs repeatedly, snapping him from his thoughts. “Dad, are you mad at me?” Bomi is standing in front of him where he sits on the couch, face close to his as if trying to analyze him.

“Why would I be mad at you, baby?” He tries not to laugh at her expression but also tries to go for a more neutral and less scary face. Not that he thinks his resting face is scary but if she thinks he was mad, it probably was too serious. “Dad was just thinking,”

“Hm, I think grandma was mad and I think you are mad too. You were ignoring me!” Bomi accuses him with her finger and a small pout as if Jaebeom would ever be mad at her. It just takes him a few seconds to understand what she is talking about and so he remembers she broke one of his mom’s glasses earlier. 

And she wasn’t wrong, his mother was really mad, since Jaebeom was a kid she would be angry at stuff like that. If Jaebeom broke anything he wouldn’t hear the end of it, so he was extra careful around breakable things. But his mother didn’t give Bomi half of the hard time she used to give him, even though it was a fancy glass his mother would never be truly mad at his daughter like. 

Jaebeom pulls Bomi so she is sitting with him on the couch again, snuggling her on his side. “I’m not mad. Just be more careful around grandma’s kitchen utensils, you know how she is.”

“Okay, but then… why were you ignoring me?” She demands again. 

“I wasn’t ignoring you, I said I was just thinking,” of course Jaebeom wasn’t ignoring her. But his head was somewhere else altogether. It was where it usually is these days, or for a long time if Jaebeom thinks about it, but he doesn’t want to put much thought on it right now. 

Since he saw Youngjae talking to Mark the other day it was all Jaebeom could think about. But pretty soon he realized ignoring Youngjae because of it was stupid, it was not like he and the boy had any kind of relationship. And even if they had Jaebeom shouldn’t ignore him because of who he talks to, he should at least try to understand what happened. At the very least. But more than that, he knows he doesn’t have the right to demand anything from him. 

The problem was that Youngjae noticed he was being ignored really fast, nothing much changed between them, since Jaebeom didn’t have a lot of time to be with him before. But it was like Youngjae could sense when Jaebeom was busy and when he was just avoiding Youngjae. So, now Jaebeom was the one being ignored. He tried talking to Youngjae and to get him alone too many times for him to keep track, but Youngjae was always evasive and it was impossible for Jaebeom to say anything to him. 

“Dad! You’re doing it again,” Bomi calls him way louder than necessary, poking him again and even though she is small her things are really pointy. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s annoying. 

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… what is it, baby? What were you saying,” Jaebeom focuses on her so his thoughts won’t start wandering around again. “I’m paying attention now, sorry,”

“I asked if you have called my friends’ moms already. You said you would call but you forgot, then you said you would call them again but you didn’t say anything else,” and now she makes a cute pouty face at him. That Jaebeom knows would disappear if he said he didn’t call the kids’ parents. But thankfully he did.

“Yes, I contacted them. Hyunjung’s parents said he is grounded so he can’t go, but all the other kids will make it,” Jaebeom tries to not show how happy he is that at least one kid won’t be able to go. It will be Bomi’s birthday next week, but since it will be Monday Jaebeom decided to give her a party this weekend. 

He was lucky enough that she didn’t want an actual party, she wanted to take her friends bowling, and Jaebeom imposed a limit of 9 kids that she could invite. And one less kid was already something to be happy about since he wasn’t looking forward to being responsible for so many kids. 

“That’s okay,” she says, not looking too upset either, “it was Chaeryeong that wanted me to invite him anyway. I don’t care about him,” 

Jaebeom breathes in and out trying not to think about why Chaeryeong would want to have this boy with them. He doesn’t want to think about such small kids being interested in other kids, he is probably just a fun kid to be around, not a crush or anything. Not that he will be able to ignore it if it keeps happening but for now he will. So, after they talk a little more, or better Bomi just starts babbling about her party and how fun it will be, Jaebeom finally puts her to bed. 

It’s way past her bedtime and he would call her out on not telling him that it was so late, but it was his own fault for being so distracted by his own thoughts. Still, Jaebeom decides he will solve this as soon as possible. He is tired of just wondering about what happened between Youngjae and Mark, but more than that Jaebeom misses Youngjae and he wants to be able to at least talk to the boy again. To be near him. 

Jaebeom is so determined that the next day he observes Youngjae’s every move. He is waiting for lunchtime to be able to talk to the boy, but when he looks at Youngjae’s desk again the other is gone. Jaebeom feels anger mixed with disappointment in his veins imagining that Youngjae might be off to talk to Mark again. 

He almost flies off his chair to see if he can still find Youngjae, he didn’t take his eyes off him for longer than a minute. To Jaebeom’s relief, he catches sight of Youngjae already out of the office room. He is not proud to admit he follows Youngjae but he has no other option right now. The boy enters the storage room and Jaebeom feels cold all over, there is no reason for Youngjae to go there by himself if he is not up to something. 

Jaebeom isn’t sure of what to do if he should leave or wait to see if something happens. After a while, he decides he can’t just leave without knowing what is going on in that room, and since no one shows up he feels brave enough to walk to the room’s door and eavesdrop. Jaebeom really tries, but he isn’t able to hear anything, he is barely breathing, afraid he will get caught if he makes any noise. But that’s enough, soon he will have to go back to work and he didn’t achieve anything with this. 

Before he can second-guess his decision Jaebeom opens the door abruptly, he feels like in a drama, being about to find out someone’s darkest secret. But what he finds is Youngjae sitting on the floor hugging his knees with his earphones on, and he is alone. Maybe Jaebeom should leave before Youngjae notices him but it’s the first time they have been alone in a long time. It has just been a few seconds of him staring at the boy really, but Jaebeom is already experiencing a bunch of emotions. He feels his heart between like crazy in his chest, way too nervous but he is also happy seeing that Youngjae wasn’t doing anything. 

Jaebeom slowly walks to him, he sits by Youngjae’s side, realizing he has his eyes closed. There is no way he won’t be startled by Jaebeom’s presence, but the man tries to be as gentle as possible. He puts one hand on Youngjae’s shoulder, it’s a light touch but Youngjae opens his eyes as soon as they make contact and they almost jump out of his face. He takes his earphones off and pauses whatever he is listening to on his phone before saying anything to Jaebeom. 

“What are you doing here, Ahjussi?” Youngjae’s voice is low, and now that they are close Jaebeom can notice how tired he looks. His face is pale and his tired eyes make him look sleepy, but mostly Youngjae just looks sad. 

“I… I was looking for you,” Jaebeom says as honestly as he can without saying he was following Youngjae. There is no use since he really wants to be honest with him, Jaebeom wants to explain why he has been avoiding Youngjae. And he wants things to go back to normal, but he isn’t sure if that’s the right moment. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I mean, not really, I’m feeling a bit off, to be honest,” Youngjae admits and Jaebeom nods at it. He feels a weird sense of proximity being here alone with Youngjae and he wished they could stay like this longer but it’s not the right thing to do right now. 

“Youngjae-ssi, if you are not feeling alright you need to go home. Your health comes first,” Jaebeom almost feels Youngjae nodding from how close he is sitting to him and how hard he is staring at the boy. “It’s alright, just go home and rest. And if you need anything you can tell me, just call me. Yeah?”

“Right,” Youngjae doesn’t sound convinced but doesn’t say anything else in the matter. Jaebeom ignored his texts and calls for a couple of days ‘till he gave up on talking to him. And he can’t explain himself right now but he wishes Youngjae would know that he wouldn’t ignore him in a situation where the boy needs him. “I’ll go then, I’m really not feeling it today,” 

And as simple as that Youngjae gets to his feet and leaves the room without sparing Jaebeom another glance. Jaebeom sits there for a while, he has no idea why Youngjae looked the way he did, but he knows when someone is sad and when they aren’t feeling good physically. Jaebeom knows Youngjae is sad. He wants to help but he doesn’t know how. 

He stays there thinking about Youngjae coming to the storage room to be alone. He looked so small there, so lonely and helpless. Jaebeom feels a pang in his chest thinking about the boy being sad and all by himself. He feels even worse about ignoring him now, he knows Youngjae wouldn’t come to him when sad. But if they were talking to each other he would be able to notice something was wrong before. He would be able to make Youngjae feel better. 

It torments Jaebeom for the rest of day, it torments him when he tries to fall asleep but it torments him even more the next day when Lia lets him know that Youngjae called in sick. Usually, Youngjae disappears without even bothering to explain what happened. But this time he called to say he wasn’t feeling alright, Jaebeom really wants to go to him, but he knows it’s not his place to do so. 

Jaebeom does the bare minimum texting Youngjae, he doesn’t get a reply back. And he doesn’t believe Youngjae is doing it on purpose as a way to get back to him, somehow he believes Youngjae just doesn’t want to talk to him. Jaebeom can see the difference between being petty and just not wanting to do something. And he thinks Youngjae not wanting to talk to him is even worse than him being petty. 

On Saturday he does his best to not think about it since he has a lot to worry about already with Bomi and her friends. Jaebeom spent two nights awake worrying about Youngjae, he will have to give it a break in order to not lose any kid and to not let any of them get hurt. He got Jinyoung and Jackson to help him, they are responsible for three kids each, and that makes things less scary. 

At first, it was a mess even with the way they thoroughly planned it, but after ten minutes of yelling Jinyoung took the lead. Jaebeom was more than happy to let him be in control of these little demons. He could relax a little after the kids had cake and gave Bomi gifts. Now they were all playing and Jinyoung was organizing it, he looked like a teacher and somehow Jaebeom thinks it suits him.

Jaebeom sat just observing the kids making sure none of them would sneak out and disappear. Jackson was sitting by his side in silence. At least Jaebeom thought he was in silence because soon he felt fingers poking his side the same way Bomi did to him before. The difference is that Jackson’s fingers really hurt.

“Hey! Are you crazy?” Jaebeom snaps holding his finger tightly but Jackson just rolls his eyes at him, but his face goes serious right in the next second. 

“Hyung, what’s up with you?” He whispers at Jaebeom as if anyone would be able to hear them when the kids are so loud and there is music playing in the place. Jaebeom doesn’t say anything back, since he doesn’t know what Jackson is talking about, “You look worried since we got here, I thought it was because of all the kids but everything is under control and you still look weird. Did something happen?”

Jaebeom looks at Jinyoung and at the kids, then he looks back at Jackson, pondering if he should tell him anything. Jackson is way less judgier than Jinyoung, he trusts both his friends the same, but it’s always easier to tell Jackson whatever is in his mind. Jinyoung is better with advice but before he gets to the advice part Jaebeom has to deal with his scolding. Either way, Jaebeom doesn’t know what to say to Jackson, if he says anything it will become too real. 

Jackson doesn’t press him, they stay quiet for a little while looking at where the kids play before Jaebeom makes up his mind. He doesn’t look at Jackson, it’s easier this way. “I’m worried about Youngjae,”

“Youngjae… Youngjae... Oh, the boy from your work that Jinyoung keeps teasing you about?” Jaebeom nods, it’s not just Jinyoung that teases him, Jackson does too but he lets it slide. They do it even without a reason, Jaebeom can only imagine what will happen if he gives them a reason to be teased. Maybe it’s better if he keeps quiet. “What about him?”

“He wasn’t feeling good the last time I saw him, and he didn’t show up to work yesterday, he called in sick,” Jaebeom says before he can think better about it. It’s not like Jackson will let go if he stops now, he just needs to make sure to not say more than he should. 

“That’s it? I know you are a good boss, Hyung, but not to the point to get this worried over an employee not showing up for work. Relax,” Jackson gives him a closed smile that Jaebeom doesn’t know what means but at least he doesn’t tease Jaebeom about worrying too much about Youngjae, particularly. 

Still, now that Jaebeom started he doesn’t want to stop talking. He needs someone else’s point of view on this. Or maybe he just needs to take it out of his chest. No matter what it is, Jaebeom keeps going. “Me and Youngjae we are kinda close lately,”

“Really?” Jackson looks at him shocked as if this is the last thing he was expecting to hear. “But you are not close with anyone other than us… wow. Is it like Jinyoung said? Oh my God! Hyung!”

“No, it’s not,” Jaebeom denies because really it is not. He doesn’t even know if he can call Youngjae his friend, he really can’t. This is something else, but it’s not what Jackson is implying. “It’s just, I like being with him, it’s nice. We are close, that’s it,”

Jaebeom expects Jackson to say something clever, to try to get more from him but he doesn’t. He nods and thinks for a while, “then just call him and ask if he is alright, it seems like you are close enough to do so,” he finally says.

And Jaebeom really wishes it was that easy, if only it was the main problem. If Youngjae is just feeling sick or something he will probably get better soon, but things are way more complicated for Jaebeom. “Things… they haven’t been the same between us. I saw him talking to one of the bosses at the firm and I kind, I don’t know, I distanced myself from him,”

“Because he was talking to someone else? That makes no sense, dude. Oh!” Jaebeom can see the realization on Jackson’s face and he hates it because he is realizing it too. “Unless you were jealous of him. You were jealous, Hyung? Wow, you haven’t liked someone in so long even seeing this boy talking to someone else makes you lose it,”

Jackson even laughs at the situation and even though Jaebeom looks at him as if he is one step away from murdering his friend he doesn’t stop. Jaebeom ignores the loud laugh in order to defend himself, “the way you say that is like you are implying that I like him, which I don’t. And I wasn’t jealous, yes, I overreacted but I’m over it. I just want things to go back to normal but he is clearly upset.”

“Of course he is,” Jackson ponders that it makes total sense that Youngjae would be hurt by Jaebeom’s behavior. As if Jaebeom doesn’t know that already. “Listen, whatever is this between you two, why don’t you just go after him? Try to explain things, as far as I know talking things out is the only way to solve anything,”

Jaebeom won’t pretend he hasn’t thought about it. He has. Even before seeing Youngjae in the storage room Jaebeom has thought about going after Youngjae so they could talk, and the feeling only got stronger after their short conversation. But he is scared, he can admit it. Jaebeom is scared Youngjae will be so mad at him that he won’t want to see or talk to him ever again. Rationally things aren’t so dramatic, but Jaebeom can’t help but overthink every little thing between them. 

“Is it because he is a man? Are you freaking out about it?” This is not at all what they were talking about, it was about Jaebeom fucking things up not about how he feels or not about Youngjae. But Jackson is just seeing right through Jaebeom. Jaebeom hates it. 

He rubs his hands over his face, sighing deeply. “Aren’t you? I mean yes, he is a man, he is way younger than me and he works under my supervision. None of this should be happening,” and Jaebeom really means none of this. He is not admitting that he has feelings for Youngjae, it’s more than that, the relationship they already have shouldn’t exist. Jaebeom is already too deep into this and he shouldn’t be. 

“Hyung, you aren’t doing anything wrong. You should talk to him, just be honest. You shouldn’t be alone. Stop repressing yourself, it’s okay to--” Jaebeom has to stop Jackson before he continues. 

His phone is buzzing in his pocket. It’s a text from the father of one of the kids saying he is on his way to pick his son up. It’s almost time for the kids to stop playing, so he explains to Jackson as he says they will talk another time, not that Jaebeom plans on ever talking about this again. He already regrets opening his mouth, things feel way more real now. He also makes Jackson promise he won’t tell Jinyoung anything yet. 

It’s another hour ‘till all the kids leave, Jaebeom almost cries out of happiness when it’s just Bomi left. And he is even happier seeing how much she enjoyed her time with her friends, some of them she hasn’t seen since she moved away. Jaebeom was worried some of her friends wouldn’t be so close to her anymore but kids’ bonds seem to be easier to maintain, and they were all getting along pretty well. 

It was the first time Jaebeom has done anything for her birthday apart from having cake with his parents and his friends. It was always Seolhyun that threw Bomi’s parties, so he was nervous even if it was a small thing. He was also grateful it wouldn’t be happening again too soon. 

When they were leaving Jackson tried to convince Jaebeom to let Bomi sleepover at their place with the excuse of it being some sort of birthday gift. He was giving Jaebeom suggestive looks, he knew exactly why Jackson wanted him to have the night to himself. But Jaebeom declined the offer and ignored the idea. 

He was not going to Youngjae’s place tonight. After the conversation he had with Jackson he was even more unsure about what he should do about Youngjae. Before he was able to pretend it wasn’t anything romantic, and he just cared a little too much about Youngjae, and that getting butterflies on his stomach was nothing to look too much into. But after the things he said out loud is more than clear to him that his feelings might be deeper than he wanted to admit. 

The thought is so scary Jaebeom wants to go back to ignoring it, but now it seems impossible. Once he acknowledges it, it’s just impossible to look away, no matter how hard Jaebeom tries, this is all he has in his mind. 

No matter how scared Jaebeom is to see Youngjae and not knowing how to act around him, he is still looking forward to it. Since it’s Bomi’s birthday Jaebeom was planning on not going to work, but both his mom and Seolhyun’s mother wanted to spend time with her. They were going to take her out together, they were too jealous of each other to not spend the date with Bomi. They would celebrate together at night, so it wasn’t a big deal for Jaebeom to go to work. 

The moment he saw Yougnjae’s desk empty Jaebeom wished he didn’t go to the office at all, it was better than seeing that the boy wasn’t there again. 

“He called in sick again, he really sounded weird though,” Lia tells him when she notices Jaebeom standing in front of Youngjae’s desk for too long. And she says it as if she didn’t believe Youngjae was sick before but this time she does. 

Jaebeom just nods at her and slowly goes to his desk, but it doesn’t seem right. This has been going on for way too long. Before he can even think too much about it and changes his mind, Jaebeom takes his things and walks out of the building without saying anything to anyone. Being the boss has its perks, he can come and go as he pleases. 

As Jaebeom drives he tries to clean his mind from every thought that comes to him, he just has to keep his mind straight and do what he thinks is right. But when he has to leave his car and walk the rest of the way to Youngjae’s place it gets harder, there is nothing to distract him and Jaebeom keeps thinking about how much of a bad idea this is. 

Once he gets to Youngjae’s single room Jaebeom is already sure he shouldn’t be here. But knowing it, it's not enough to stop him. Jaebeom knocks once and waits, then he knocks again and waits a bit more. He is determined to stay here ‘till Youngjae opens the door. Well, he was sure it would be harder but he doesn’t have to wait much more after the third knock. 

“What?” Youngjae asks as soon as he looks at Jaebeom. He doesn’t have much time to look at the boy before he is turning back inside the room leaving the door open for Jaebeom. But he has enough time to notice that Youngjae’s voice indeed sounds weird and he looks terrible, Jaebeom also can see bruises in his arms even though they are almost gone. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know if Youngjae left the door open as an invitation but he will take it as one. While he takes off his shoes Youngjae goes back to his mattress on the floor. He covers his face completely with the blanket, leaving out just his hair. That’s a clear indication that he is not up to conversation. 

Still, Jaebeom walks over to him and sits on the floor by his mattress. “Do you want me to leave?” He asks lowly, afraid that if he is too loud it will wake something in Youngjae that will shove him out. But the boy doesn’t say anything, and Jaebeom knows that if he wanted him to go away he would say it. “What’s wrong, are you sick?”

Youngjae shakes his head, Jaebeom can see the movement under the blanket, and he feels his heart getting impossibly warm at the sight. 

“Did something happen? You can tell me if something is wrong,” he tries again, but again Youngjae just shakes his head. “Nothing happened or you don’t think you can tell me?”

“Nothing happened,” Youngjae finally says something and Jaebeom thinks they will have a conversation but it’s all the boy says. Still, Jaebeom waits, not wanting to press him too much. He looks around the place, Youngjae always keeps things clean, there isn’t much to be messy anyway. But now it all seems even more perfect than the last time Jaebeom was here, there is no even one dirty glass. 

It’s such a small place, but there is nothing that shows Youngjae’s personality around. Nothing that Jaebeom can spot and just easily tell that the boy leaves here. Everything is clean and simple. He has no idea how this is a place where a 21-years-old lives. 

“I was worried about you, you know? I still am,” Jaebeom says but he isn’t sure if it’s loud enough for Yougnjae to hear. He just feels like he needs to say it. 

“I’m just tired,” he hears back and this time he doesn’t expect to hear anything else but Youngjae continues. “I’m just so tired, I don’t want to keep doing it,”

Those are worrying things to hear, even though Jaebeom has no idea what he is talking about he is even more worried now. “You don’t have to, if it’s something that is hurting you, you don’t have to continue with it, Youngjae-yah,”

“There’s nothing I can do, Ahjussi,” his voice is muffled but Jaebeom thinks it’s getting huskier as if he is crying. “I feel so tired of all of this, it’s as if I’ve been alive for so long as if I’ve had so many lives already. I feel like I am hundreds and hundreds of years old and I can never get free from this,”

There’s a knot on Jaebeom’s throat at the words, he has no idea what Youngjae has gone through in his life or what he is going through right now, but it hurts him as if he knew. The way he can hear the pain in Youngjae’s voice hurts him as if it was his own pain. 

“It’s okay, even if it’s difficult now, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, we can make this one life a little better than the past ones, yeah?” Jaebeom tries to comfort both of them. He places one of his hands on Youngjae’s hair, patting it lightly, then he is just caressing his head while the boy probably cries under his blanket. 

Jaebeom wishes he could say more, do more to help Youngjae. He knows it’s normal to be sad from time to time, but Youngjae sounds so hurt it seems worse than just being sad. He really feels useless at the moment, wanting to do so much for the boy and not being able to do much else other than playing with his hair. 

At some point, Youngjae is so quiet Jaebeom is sure he fell asleep. He considers leaving, after all, he still has work to do, and not even for a second Jaebeom thinks Youngjae needs him here, but he wants to stay. Jaebeom wants to make sure Youngjae will be okay so he decides to stay, just for a bit more. 

The position he is sitting in is starting to be uncomfortable for his back though. Jaebeom has spent so much time here, he pretty much knows where everything is, so he gets up and quickly gets a sheet and places it closer to Youngjae’s mattress. He feels a bit weird by lying by his side, but really Jaebeom has spent too much time here for it to be awkward between them. And Jaebeom doesn’t even plan to sleep, he just wants to rest his back and not leave Youngjae here without saying goodbye. 

Of course, he falls asleep as soon as he lies down though. Jaebeom doesn’t know how long he is out of it, and even though he slept on the floor he feels well-rested, probably because he hasn’t been sleeping well. What Jaebeom knows is what woke him up, there is a weight in his chest, but what really woke him was the light touches on his hand. 

Jaebeom opens his eyes slowly just to find Youngjae’s eyes staring at him, his hand resting on his chest, and then he feels the other’s fingertips on his hand and wrist. Youngjae is clearly awake and knows what he is doing, he has his eyes open and he smiles at Jaebeom when their eyes meet. The smile seems sincere even if he still looks a little blue. 

“This is creepy, Youngjae-yah,” Jaebeom says but they are too close, he could just whisper if he wanted. He knows he is blushing by the warmth in his cheeks and by the way, Youngjae’s smile grows larger, not caring about what Jaebeom said. “Are you feeling better?”

By how red Youngjae’s eyes are it’s obvious that he has been really crying before, but now he is willingly interacting with Jaebeom, acting as if nothing happened. Jaebeom knows it was not what he said, he didn’t say much, but Youngjae’s mood is clearly better. “I’m just happy you stayed, I mean you came and you didn’t leave. You stayed, I’m feeling better with you here,”

Jaebeom smiles at him too, pretending that what the boy just said didn’t make his heart flip in his chest. And just enjoying the way Youngjae keeps touching his wrist delicately. But it goes away quickly, he reminds himself that Youngjae was alone because he was being a jerk. From the way they are lying he can only see one of the boy’s arms, still, he can see the not all the way faded bruises, he thinks about Youngjae being completely lonely and hurt, emotionally and physically. It makes Jaebeom feel awful.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Jaebeom says honestly, he is really so sorry. “Sorry, I was being so childish,” 

He tucks Youngjae’s fringe behind his ears so he can have a better look at his face, and the boy just shakes his head at him. “It’s okay. I wasn’t mad at you, really, Ahjussi. I’m just happy when we are together, I’m happy that you enjoy spending time with me. But I don’t expect that for long,”

“What do you mean?” Jaebeom could take it many ways, and he would rather ask now than overthink it later. 

“It’s just that when you get tired and decide to leave I’ll understand, I just want to enjoy it for now,” Youngjae’s face gets even closer to his, Jaebeom is still trying to understand his words but with them being so close is not too easy. Still, he knows what Youngjae is saying is not right. 

“Hey, you shouldn’t give people a free pass to leave you. I mean, sure, you can’t force anyone to stay but telling them that they can leave whenever they please? No. I cannot just leave you, and you cannot just leave me either,” Jaebeom hates to have to do it but he feels like this is a conversation they need to have, so he pushes Youngjae in order to sit up. “Youngjae-yah, I won’t be over you and leave you one day, and I expect you to not do it to me either, get it?”

“I wouldn’t,” Youngjae sits up too, and even though he sits close to him it’s not the same proximity they had before. Jaebeom already misses it. 

“Neither will I,” Jaebeom assures him seriously. He wants to ask why he is so sure he wouldn’t leave Jaebeom but thinks it’s alright if Jaebeom does that. He also wants to ask about Mark, because he really wants to solve it and put it past them. But what he does is run his fingers at the green bruises on the boy’s arms, and Youngjae just lets him. 

It doesn’t feel wrong to be like this with him, it seems to be even more intimate because Youngjae is not shying away from him. Jaebeom knows deep down that he shouldn’t be comfortable like this, but it’s impossible for him to bring himself to ruin the atmosphere they built. The reasons he has to not be so close to Youngjae disappear completely from his mind. 

Whenever he is near Youngjae the things Jaebeom was sure about fly away. He only cares about the boy. 

He would stay here forever just looking into Youngjae’s eyes if his stomach didn’t start protesting, and the protest was a really loud one. His stomach was growling loudly and it had him and Youngjae look down at it, the only thing that was louder than it was Youngjae’s laugh. 

“We should eat something, Ahjussi,” Youngjae smiles, getting up and offering one hand for Jaebeom to get up as well. 

“Is it already lunch time?” Jaebeom wonders to himself as he looks for his phone in his pocket. He has to double-check when he looks at it says it’s already past 3 in the afternoon, “what the hell?” 

“I guess you haven’t been sleeping well, Ahjussi,” Youngjae says in a mocking tone as he starts looking for a pan to cook something. 

Jaebeom won’t have time to do much more than eating, he said he would be at parents’ earlier today because of Bomi’s birthday. He stares at Youngjae’s back for long seconds, but he is tired of being unsure about this. “Get dressed, let’s go eat some warm food,”

“I’m gonna prepare warm food,” Youngjae turns, crossing his arms, he almost looks annoyed. Jaebeom thinks it’s cute. 

“It’s been a long time since we ate out, and I have to pick Bomi’s birthday cake soon. Come with me,” Jaebeom says sweetly getting a little closer to Youngjae and it has the desired reaction. The boy rolls his eyes and pushes Jaebeom out of the way, but still, he takes clothes from his rack and goes to change in the bathroom. 

Youngjae looks incredibly warm and fluffy when he comes out again, he just looks so much better than before. And he also doesn’t look so upset to go out with Jaebeom. The man has the sense to text Lia to let her know that something came up and he won’t make it to the office today, now that he and Youngjae are out together he is terribly aware of the fact that they both should be at work but instead they are driving to a restaurant. 

Skipping one day of work was totally worth it though, they were in a nice and cozy restaurant and Youngjae seemed to be as hungry as Jaebeom was. They didn’t talk much, but it was so comfortable to just be there with Youngjae, Jaebeom was content. 

After they stuffed their faces with food, Youngjae was still taking his time with his juice while Jaebeom checked the right time to get the cake. Usually, his mother bakes birthday cakes for all of them but since she was out all day with Bomi she didn’t have time for that. Jaebeom looks up from his phone and finds Youngjae already staring at him. 

“What?” He asks, feeling self-conscious, maybe he has something on his teeth but Youngjae shakes his head. 

“It’s just, Ahjussi… I know why you were upset and I’m sorry that I can’t explain it to you now, but it’s really not what you think it is. It’s really not like this,” he makes a gesture pointing at Jaebeom and himself. 

Jaebeom wasn’t expecting that, he was looking for ways to bring it up with Youngjae. But he didn’t expect the boy to already know about it and to bring it up himself. He also didn’t expect Youngjae to be honest with him, he thought Youngjae would find excuses but even if he is choosing to not tell Jaebeom what is happening between him and Mark, at least he isn’t lying either. 

Jaebeom is also relieved that Youngjae shoots down his thoughts about him and the older man being close to each other. But he doesn’t know what to say to that, because he really wants to know what is going on between them but Youngjae clearly won’t tell him what it is. At least not for now, and Jaebeom is okay with that.

“As long as you’re doing okay, it’s okay for me,” and it really is, as jealous as Jaebeom felt before, Youngjae’s well-being is his priority. That’s why he regretted ignoring Youngjae soon after it. It doesn’t matter what is between them Jaebeom wants to be near the boy no matter what. “But if something bothers or hurts you, you gotta tell me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae agrees, but he doesn’t smile at Jaebeom the way he usually does. 

They leave the restaurant and they are so full Youngjae keeps complaining about it as if someone has forced him to eat so much. The bakery is nearby so it doesn’t take more than five minutes for them to get there, Youngjae waits for him in the car while Jaebeom picks up the cake. When Jaebeom comes back he sits in silence for a long time without saying anything, Youngjae doesn’t even notice it, being too immersed in a game he is playing. 

“You know it’s Bomi’s birthday, and we're gonna have cake at my parents. Do you wanna come? We could pick a gift for her together,” Jaebeom says tentatively and he almost wishes Youngjae didn’t hear him. He already got Bomi a gift, it is in the back seat. Actually, Jaebeom already gave her a bunch of gifts but he wants to do that with Youngjae as well. 

“At your parents’? Ahjussi, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll see her another time,” Youngjae is totally nonchalant about it, he doesn’t even look up from his phone as if going to Jaebeom’s parents is not even an option for him. 

Again Jaebeom just sits there thinking of ways to convince Youngjae but nothing comes to his mind. He doesn’t know if that’s a good idea, it probably isn’t. But he really wants Youngjae to be there. It feels right to him to have Youngjae with him in moments like this, he doesn’t like the idea that he has to keep Youngjae as a secret. Of course, it doesn’t mean that he has to introduce the boy to his family either, but he doesn’t see a reason not to. He wants to. 

“It will be better with you there,” Jaebeom says, he isn’t really trying, he is just saying it because it will really be better with Youngjae there.

“What?” Youngjae looks at him confused, and then a weird sound comes from his phone making Youngjae contort his face. He pockets his phone and gives his attention to Jaebeom again, “this is such a bad idea. Parents hate me, like all of them, and honestly, it would be so awkward. Why would you want that? Just leave me near a bus stop, it will be fine,”

“Youngjae-yah…” Jaebeom pouts at him, getting closer and closer to the boy, making Youngjae push him away with a disgusted face. 

“Ew,” he complains and it makes Jaebeom laugh like an idiot. He doesn’t even feel awkward playing around with Youngjae like this. He doesn’t really care how pathetic he must look like, it makes him happy when Youngjae reacts to it, even if he pretends to be annoyed by Jaebeom’s tactics. 

Either way, they seem to be really effective because Jaebeom just needs to annoy him a few times before Youngjae agrees on going with him. Jaebeom is happier than he shows, but he has a feeling Youngjae can tell that. 

He probably can tell as well how much Jaebeom enjoys going shopping with him, it should be nothing special but Youngjae is really fun to be around. And he has the most ridiculous and expensive ideas for gifts and even though it will be a gift from Youngjae, Jaebeom will be the one paying so the boy doesn’t really care about the price. Jaebeom doesn’t care either but he has to establish a limit or else Bomi will be even more spoiled than she already is.

They set on buying an instant camera, even though Jaebeom thought a kindle would be better for her to read more books, a camera wasn’t bad either, he also liked photographing. So that was what they bought. Youngjae seemed excited about it, but Jaebeom could see as he was getting more and more nervous the more they drove to his parents’ place. He started complaining saying he didn’t want to go anymore and when they finally got there Youngjae didn’t even want to leave the car. 

Jaebeom wasn’t going to let him not go in now that they are already but he doesn’t want Youngjae to be uncomfortable either, so it takes him some time trying to convince Youngjae that it will be okay and that he doesn’t need to be scared. It will be okay, at least in front of the boy, if his parents find it weird that he is there he will hear it later. So, it’s fine. 

Youngjae walks behind him, almost like a scared cat but when he opens the door for him and Bomi spots them, Youngjae changes completely. “Oppa!” She yells, running to Youngjae as if they are long time friends that haven’t seen each other in a long time. Which is true, they haven’t seen each other in a long time, but they are not friends.

But in Bomi’s head they probably are. Youngjae hugs her and gives her a gift, which makes the girl even louder with her yells. She pays Jaebeom no mind, all she does is check the cake before going back to Youngjae, and it’s okay ‘till his mother appears to see what the commotion is about and she sees Youngjae. Things become uncomfortable real soon, not because she seems annoyed but because Youngjae is completely stiff in front of her. He bows at her as if he is meeting the queen, and then he does the same to Jaebeom’s father. Jaebeom would laugh if it wasn’t clear how uncomfortable Youngjae was.

Thankfully, Bomi saves him, she all but makes a photo session with Youngjae on the couch. Jaebeom thought she would just want to take selfies, but she keeps taking photos of Youngjae doing funny expressions. It’s not so good for him since he is left alone with his parents and their questions. 

“He is my friend, I already said that,” it’s not like Jaebeom can say that they aren’t friends but they are something else, something unnamed. “I just wanted him to come because Bomi adores him, as you can see. And since Jackson and Jinyoung couldn’t make it, I thought it would be good to have someone else she likes here so it can really feel like a party,”

“He is not like Jackson and Jinyoung though,” his father comments. And he probably just means that they are like family, while Youngjae they don’t even know. But all Jaebeom can think is that Youngjae really isn’t like them for him. 

Even though his mother doesn’t say anything, Jaebeom knows she is analyzing everything he does. Every time he catches himself looking at Youngjae playing with Bomi he notices his mother is also looking at him. At some point Jaebeom just gives up on trying to pretend he isn’t looking, it’s too obvious anyway. 

They have a pleasant time, Bomi is really happy and when they finally eat the cake she takes pics of everyone. She also tells Jaebeom and Youngjae about her day out with her grandmas, it doesn’t feel like Youngjae is an outsider. His parents are super polite to him, and his mother keeps putting more food on his plate. So all in all Jaebeom thinks it wasn’t so bad, and Youngjae agrees with him when they finally leave. 

It’s not too late but Bomi is already asleep in the back seat, she is probably too tired from her day out. Jaebeom smiles thinking about how his mother and Seolhyun’s mother must be even more tired than her, considering their age. 

“It was fun but I don’t want to do it again any time soon,” Youngjae says looking at Bomi from the rearview mirror to make sure she isn’t listening to them. “Next time let it be just us and Bomi,”

Jaebeom likes to hear this, the prospect of just the three of them makes him happy. 

What he isn’t happy about is the fact that he can’t walk Youngjae to his place, Bomi is with them and Jaebeom can’t leave her alone in the car. Youngjae assures him it’s okay, he is used to it and it’s not even too late, so he doesn’t have to worry. Still, Jaebeom doesn’t want him to go, they spent the whole day together but for him it doesn’t seem to be enough. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Ahjussi. Thanks for, you know, everything. And for including me, thank you,” before Jaebeom can say anything back, Youngjae leans in closer to him and drops a kiss to Jaebeom’s cheek. It’s too fast, Jaebeom barely feels the touch, and yet it makes his entire body burn and his heartbeat becomes too fast too quickly. “Good night, Ahjussi,”

Youngjae leaves the car and Jaebeom sits there paralyzed. It was so simple and so small, yet it left Jaebeom speechless not even knowing what to do with himself, he was malfunctioning. He doesn’t want to read too much into it, but having Youngjae kiss him made every bit of rationality leave Jaebeom’s body. 

Once he got home, Jaebeom put Bomi on the bed, dropping a kiss to her forehead before cleaning up and going to his own bed. He wasn’t so tired since he slept a lot at Youngjae’s place, and his head was also full, it was impossible for him to fall asleep so early. He felt weirdly happy and nervous at the same time. Jaebeom got his phone, he thought about calling Youngjae, maybe the boy would be awake as well, he didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to hear his voice. 

But when Jaebeom was ready to call, he got a text from Seolhyun saying she will be in Seoul in two days. Jaebeom closes his eyes exasperated, not even bothering answering her. He still has one week with Bomi, he doesn’t know why she is coming so soon but he also won’t let it bother him now. They have a lot to talk about, so it’s probably for the best that she is coming earlier, Jaebeom just hopes she won’t take Bomi earlier than planned. 

After it he just gives up on calling Youngjae and decides to try to sleep, he will have a lot of work to do since he didn’t work at all today and he will have to deal with Seolhyun soon. It’s not so hard to fall asleep now that he solved things with Youngjae. Jaebeom is a bit annoyed but he also feels all warmed up on his blanket with the thought of Youngjae’s lips on his cheek. It’s a good balance. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50k and u earn a kiss on the cheek !! i think that was easy  
> btw i feel like they made so much progress in this chapter.. ofc i want way more than this but hmmm meeting the parents??? homos.. n sorry for not showing their interaction but there wasn't a lot i'll work on it in the future byeeee for now


	7. Date night with Youngjae-ssi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :)

Jaebeom stares at the bags Jinyoung and Jackson brought to his apartment now spread all over his couch, feeling a bit too fond of his friends. They got everything possibly necessary for a spa day, there are masks and all kinds of stuff for the skin as well as for nails. 

“Sorry for the trouble but Bomi is already asleep,” Jaebeom gives them a thigh apologetic smile. It’s not like he didn’t know his friends would come over, they agreed to it as a way to cheer Bomi up. But she didn’t want to wait for them, and Jaebeom wouldn’t feel so bad if it wasn’t the middle of the night on a weekday and they haven’t gone to the trouble of buying all the stuff before coming over. “Actually, I’m not sure if she is asleep but she said she wanted to be alone,”

“Oh,” Jinyoung looks regretfully at all the things he and Jackson bought. “I thought she would like the idea, she has been bugging us for a spa day for so long now,” 

“It’s not about the spa day, or about you guys,” Jaebeom mumbles, feeling his chest tighten a little. He gets them a few bottles of beers, just enough for them to have something to drink but not enough to get them drunk. 

Obviously, they won’t be toning their faces just for the sake of it, but Jaebeom also won’t make them leave just because Bomi didn’t feel like hanging out with his friends. They change the topic, talking about one of Jinyoung’s clients but it’s awkward and Jackson can’t stand the fake small talk for much longer. 

“I don’t get it. Didn’t she want to stay here with you? Why now that Seoulhyun agreed to it, she is so upset?” Jackson starts saying loudly but his tone goes down as soon as Jaebeom gives him a look. His friend seems legitimately confused, and it’s not like Jaebeom wasn’t confused as well but he sort of gets it now. 

“She is a kid, Sseunie, of course, she wanted to stay here but having her mom changing her mind all of sudden… I don’t know, it might be difficult for her to understand,” that’s the conclusion Jaebeom got after talking to his parents. They are trying to help him figure out everything that is happening and how to deal with it, not that it is being easy, but they help a lot. 

“Might it be because it wasn’t just Seolhyun deciding it was the best for her but the fact that she will be moving _again_ ,” Jinyoung looks at Jaebeom as if he is making questions to someone in the court. “Don’t you think that this is weird, Hyung? How come in less than a year that man got another promotion? No one is that efficient,”

It is weird, and when Seolhyun told Jaebeom that they would move to the US he didn’t know how to react. At first, he was out of his mind thinking she would make Bomi go through it once again. But she knew it wouldn’t do their daughter any good and decided it was better if she stayed in Korea, they still have to talk about custody but Bomi staying is already decided. So sure it was weird, but Jaebeom didn’t care about it, it was none of his business what Ed is up to and how the corporation he works for functions. 

“It doesn’t matter to me, what matters is that Bomi gets to stay and that at least that is over with,” Jaebeom isn’t naive enough to think this is over. If anything it will just get harder from now on, he will have to take care of his kid by himself for the first time in his life. Every other time he was responsible for Bomi was on weekends or holidays, if not he always had help, but now it felt like he was on his own and he really was. 

“Honestly, you should be more worried about it, Hyung, I don’t think this is right. It just doesn’t make sense at all that--”

“I honestly don’t want to. God, I’m so tired of worrying about everything all the time. I’m already worried about how I’m gonna handle Bomi and work at the same time. I’m worried she is feeling left like she is just being handed over, I’m worried about not being a good parent,” Jaebeom can’t even blame the beer for his word vomit. He is just overwhelmed, he wants to be with Bomi and he wants to take care of her properly but he isn’t sure if he can actually do it. Sometimes he feels like crying out of frustration but he doesn’t want to make things worse for his daughter. 

“And there’s the whole Youngjae situation as well,” Jackson says with a sad empathetic face, putting his hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder. Jaebeom doesn’t even realize why that was a problem ‘till he sees something shifting in Jinyoung’s eyes. 

“The who situation?” The man slowly asks, staring at both Jaebeom and Jackson as if he just got two kids doing something they shouldn’t be doing. And as much as the situation seems exactly like that and Jaebeom’s first instinct is to yell at Jackson for saying that in front of Jinyoung he doesn’t have the strength for that right now. 

“It’s not important right now,” he then looks at Jackson who looks frightened, “and you don’t have to worry, I’m putting it on hold for now,” 

Jaebeom told Jackson about the way things were fine between him and Youngjae again and even had the courage to share about the way the boy made him feel on Bomi’s birthday. Of course, Youngjae is still important to him, it won’t change that easily but he has to solve what is happening in his life first. He can’t add Youngjae to this mess, and really Jaebeom wouldn’t even know how to add Youngjae to anything. He wouldn’t know how to do it. 

“What the hell are you two talking about?” Jinyoung sounds serious but not as if he is about to go off on them so that’s something. Jackson also doesn’t look that frightened anymore now that he knows Jaebeom isn’t angry at him. 

“It’s just, I think I caught feelings for someone,” Jaebeom tries his best to not sound like a teenager with a crush. He succeeds, but he feels anxious about it the same way. It’s hard for him to talk about it without feeling stupid or like he should just ignore the situation but Jaebeom had to admit his feelings, at least to himself, after a while. 

“Someone who happens to be the boy from your office? God, I knew there was something there,” Jinyoung even giggles at the realization that he called it since the beginning. He doesn’t seem to find it weird that Jaebeom just admitted to being interested in another man, it doesn’t seem like it’s any news for him. “But why does Jackson even know about it, anyway? Why is that important?”

“Didn’t you just hear him saying he caught feelings, baby?” Jackson asks incredulously at the way his husband just seems to dismiss the importance of what Jaebeom just said. It also makes Jaebeom feel weird, this is something huge for him. He really likes Youngjae. 

“But it’s not like Hyung would do anything about it, right? I mean, you did say he was a kid a bunch of times that’s why it was so fun to tease you,” Jinyoung scoffs as if that was the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. When none else says anything he looks at them incredulously, “you were thinking of persuading this boy? This is insane, how old he even is?”

“He will turn 22 soon,” the words are barely audible, Jaebeom never felt so embarrassed talking about this or even when he was alone with his thoughts. He feels like the worst human being in the world having the most ridiculous and disgusting ideas. 

“This can’t be serious, were you considering starting a relationship with a kid? Have you actually gone insane--” Jinyoung sounds furious, even though Jaebeom can’t understand why he is so mad he definitely can feel all the shame it seems like he is supposed to feel. 

“That’s enough, Jinyoungie! What has Hyung done wrong? You act as if he is hurting someone by falling in love, you’re not the judge of his feelings,” Jackson rarely looks angry, especially at Jinyoung, but right now it seems like he has had enough of his shit. “I don’t care that you have an opinion on his love life, but you can never talk to him like this,”

Jinyoung nods, looking down before looking back at Jaebeom. “Sorry, Hyung. It’s just… this is not the kind of action I expected from you.” 

“What kind of action?” Jaebeom asks because he needs to know, but he is afraid of what he will hear next. He is grateful for Jackson’s intervention but his best friend’s point of view has always been one of the most important in Jaebeom’s life. If what he is doing is really wrong he would rather know now. 

“I know you don’t mean wrong, but he is a kid, compared to you he hasn’t lived anything yet. He doesn’t know life the way you do, Hyung. He is just starting to live while you have already done so much, you’ve formed a family and you have a kid.” Jinyoung now looks at him with pity in his eyes and that’s a look Jaebeom wanted to avoid more than anything. “Look, I overreacted because you know what kind of man goes for younger ones…”

“What? Do you think I would--” Jaebeom can’t even say it out loud. He has worried about a lot of things between him and Youngjae, but never once he was attracted to the boy because of his age, if anything that was one of the reasons to keep him from trying anything. 

“You’re just making things worse, we should go, baby,” Jackson looks really pained like this is the worst thing that could have happened, Jaebeom feels the same way. 

“No. Wait, Hyung, I don’t think you are someone like that, it’s just… are you really going to ruin someone’s youth because you think you are so in love with them?” 

“Ruin his youth?” Jaebeom’s eyes burn but he won’t cry in front of them. His entire body burns in shame. It’s just too much happening at the same time, but he can deal with it without crying, he can just do what he has to do and keep going. 

“You two are in different stages of life, you might really be in love with him and he might even feel the same, I don’t know. But how much of his life will he have to give up on just to stay with you? Doesn’t it sound unfair to him?” Jinyoung is now way softer and he even sits closer to Jaebeom in order to make his words less aggressive. 

Jaebeom can only nod because, in reality, he agrees with Jinyoung. Maybe that’s the reason why nothing has ever happened between them because Jaebeom knew it was wrong, that it was unfair to Youngjae. And when Jackson doesn’t say anything Jaebeom understands that even though he supports Jaebeom he also agrees that this might not be the best for Youngjae. 

He feels like punching a wall but all Jaebeom does is send his friends off, he assures Jinyoung he won’t do anything, that he won’t try anything with Youngjae and it was just some crazy idea. Jaebeom also assures Jackson that he is alright and that he will call if he needs something. 

He feels so out of place in his own apartment, on his own couch. He feels wrong and like a stranger lying there surrounded by beauty products. He never wanted anything but the best for Youngjae, and he would never force him into a life he wouldn’t want to be part of. But now this is all Jaebeom can feel as if he put too much pressure and expectations on the boy. It’s funny because he didn’t think it was the right time to do anything about it anyway, but knowing he can’t even if he planned to be with Youngjae hurts Jaebeom more than he thought it would. 

Everything is already hard for Jaebeom as it is, and he also has to convince Bomi to spend a few days with Seolhyun. It was what they decided, that while she was in Seoul Bomi would stay with her, they needed time together, and Jaebeom agreed with it but it was easier said than done. Bomi tried to pretend she wasn’t mad or hurt by her mom but still didn’t want to be with her for the rest of the week no matter what they said.

Jaebeom was not one to force his daughter to do anything she didn’t want to, which made Seolhyun even madder since she didn’t have a lot of time left in Korea. Jaebeom spent two hours talking to Bomi until he was able to convince her that just a few days wouldn’t be a problem and that they wouldn’t change their minds about where she should stay either. He got the impression that she thought she was being handed over once again. They would have to deal with this eventually. 

When Jaebeom finally got to work he had a knot in his throat, feeling yet again as if he had failed with his daughter. The feeling distracted him completely from what would be waiting for him at the office. He was reminded soon enough though, as soon as he entered their floor and was faced with a focused Youngjae the conversation and implications from the past night came back to him. The boy didn’t even notice him, and yet Jaebeom fought the urge to run away from him, from his presence. It wasn’t possible though, Jaebeom had to walk to his desk the way he always did, without looking at anyone and as if everything was normal. 

The only good part about being late is that Jaebeom had a lot to do, a lot of calls to make, and projects to work on. He was grateful for the way it distracted him, ‘till he felt eyes on him, not the way he usually feels it. This time it was closer and he couldn’t ignore it for more than two seconds. Jaebeom turned in his chair just to find Youngjae standing behind his desk with a small suspicious smile on his face. Jaebeom had no idea how he was supposed to react to it. 

Youngjae handed him a small note, it was the small yellow notes they used around the office. “What is this?” Jaebeom asked without looking at anything in particular, trying to keep his voice steady. 

“You have an appointment, I’m afraid you weren’t let know about it yet,” Youngjae’s serious and formal tone gets Jaebeom’s attention. The boy delivers their mail and takes care of pretty much any simple task around the office, but he is not responsible for Jaebeom’s schedule. 

He looks down at the note and finds a sort of messy handwriting that he knows to be Youngjae’s. His heart skips a beat when he sees the words staring back at him. 

_‘Date night with Youngjae-ssi_ _♥’_

Jaebeom didn’t know what was making his heart beat faster if the words or the tiny heart Youngjae drew at the end. He couldn’t look away from the note, he knew he should make sure no one saw it, that he should just put the thing away but he couldn’t bring himself to. Jaebeom stared at the words for so long Youngjae had to snap his fingers in front of his face. When he looked up he was pretty sure he was blushing while Youngjae looked totally unfazed. 

“I don’t--” Jaebeom didn’t even know how to finish his words. He didn’t understand why Youngjae was doing it now, a few days ago he would be so excited to be with him, to have a proper date with the boy, it would be ridiculous. Right now it’s still ridiculous how much Jaebeom wants to go on a date with him but can’t, he shouldn’t. 

“Sorry, Director-nim, but this person is very demanding and busy and they won’t accept a reschedule, so it has to be tonight,” Youngjae then gives him a smile, one that he knows always works with Jaebeom. 

This time is not even just because Jaebeom is unable to say ‘no’ to Youngjae, but because he also had a conversation about people leaving each other not too long ago with the boy. He can’t just decide he and Youngjae are over and not let him know. They have to talk, and even though he imagines Youngjae has another plan in mind, that’s the night where he will have to solve things between them. 

So, Jaebeom folds the note slowly and carefully pockets it. “Alright, but let’s not call it a date, yeah?”

“Wonderful,” Youngjae claps his hands slightly, making a big deal of it. “So, please be ready by eight, your date will pick you up,”

“You will pick me up?” Jaebeom asks a little louder than he intended to. He looks around and everyone is ignoring them, probably too used for their weird exchanges around the office by now, but it doesn’t mean they didn’t hear them. 

“Your date will, please text him your address, Director-nim,” Youngjae says at least before going back to his desk. 

Jaebeom hates him for doing it in the morning, now Jaebeom has the entire day to worry about tonight and to regret his decision. He thinks about walking over to Youngjae and calling the thing off a thousand times but he can’t do it, not just because of Youngjae. He can’t do it to himself, he wants to enjoy what is left of his time with the boy before he has to end whatever they have going on. 

Youngjae leaves the office a little earlier than he is supposed to, Jaebeom can’t stop thinking he is going to prepare whatever he needs for their date. And that’s even more torturous than all the hours Jaebeom spent thinking about it during the day. He doesn’t understand why they didn’t leave together, why they just didn’t go out like they always did. Maybe it was just Youngjae trying to make him even more nervous. 

Jaebeom also left earlier, not because he had to but because it was becoming impossible to stay still in his chair. He needed to do something with his body. And since he was alone at home he had a lot of time to take a long bath and to pick an outfit. It did nothing to help him with his anxiety. Now he had to pick an outfit for a date he knew nothing about. He texted Youngjae asking about it but got no reply. 

It was stressing Jaebeom out, but at least he knew it was Youngjae. And Youngjae would never take him to an expensive place, Jaebeom didn’t think he would and he hoped he was right. Youngjae wouldn’t spend his own money on things like that and he wouldn’t pick Jaebeom up if that was the case. So he just wore something warm and comfortable, he almost dressed too casually the way Youngjae always does, but he didn’t want to be underdressed either. 

Jaebeom wore jeans with a brown cardigan, so it was warm enough, he thought he looked a little weird, definitely weird since he didn’t dress like that very often. And even weirder because that was supposed to be a date with the person he was admittedly in love with. Yet it was like he didn’t put any effort into it at all. He had enough time to change his mind and try into a bunch of different clothes but he ended up going back to his first choice, everything seemed too much. 

He was considering trying something else once again when Youngjae called saying he was downstairs. It was too early, Youngjae was half an hour earlier. It was good so Jaebeom didn’t have more time to freak out but at the same time, he didn’t have enough time to prepare himself. Still, Jaebeom flew out of the apartment afraid he would let Youngjae wait for too long. 

It wasn’t surprising that Youngjae looked casual, but not too casual, he wasn’t wearing his sweatpants and his hair wasn’t a mess for once. He didn’t look like he was in his pajamas which happened way too many times. He was also in jeans but on top of his black t-shirt, he had a jeans jacket as well. His hair was so straight, Jaebeom didn’t even know it could look like that. He wanted to run his hands through it.

Jaebeom just noticed he was frozen staring at him when Youngjae made a funny face and walked to him, he pulled Jaebeom by his hand and walked them to a taxi. “Why are we taking a taxi? I can drive us,”

What Jaebeom really wanted to say was that Youngjae looked amazing, he looked perfect, and even his cologne was driving Jaebeom insane. But he tried to be as casual about it as he could. Youngjae paid him no mind, he just shoved Jaebeom at the back of the car and sat by his side. 

“You look good like this, Ahjussi. Not your usual attire for a meeting, I suppose,” Youngjae smirks at him and then he slides over sitting in the middle instead of the other side. 

There’s little to no space between them, Jaebeom’s hands are sweating and he just wants to roll down the windows to get some air. But Youngjae makes it even worse for him by taking one of his hands on his and holding on to it for no reason, he does it just because. He obviously can feel how nervous Jaebeom is by all of this, but thankfully for once he doesn’t tease Jaebeom, instead, he tries to calm the man massaging his wrist softly. It doesn’t help at all, it makes Jaebeom even more nervous but he likes it so much, he likes this kind of anxiety where he is expecting something good to happen and not something bad. 

It didn’t take too long for Jaebeom to realize they were going to the Han River, but he didn’t ask, he just waited ‘till they got there. Youngjae paid for the ride before Jaebeom could even offer, it was clear he wanted to do things his way tonight and Jaebeom didn’t have a problem with that. 

“So,” Jaebeom looked around, there were some people jogging and some groups of friends reunited, he had no idea what Youngjae wanted to do here. He had his backpack with him but that was all. 

“Let’s ride a bike,” Youngjae giggled, sounding too happy just by the prospect of doing so. Jaebeom looked at their outfit up and down and then at the bike kiosk. 

“It’s been a long time since I rode a bike, I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jaebeom tries, words leaving his mouth slowly but, of course, it doesn’t work. 

“Are you saying I had a bad choice for a date? Come on, Ahjussi, you don’t have to act like a dying old man all the time,” Jaebeom was grateful they haven’t been holding hands since they left the taxi but now Youngjae takes his hand again as if it’s necessary to do that all the time. 

Jaebeom represses the urge to let him know that he was the one complaining nonstop when they went hiking so he wasn’t the only dying old man there. They get two blue bikes and as soon as Jaebeom starts pedaling his bike he wants to tell Youngjae that yes, that was an awful idea. He barely remembers how to control the thing, he is afraid he won’t be able to break if he has to. And Youngjae isn’t even waiting for him. 

The boy doesn’t seem to be having the same trouble as him at all, he rides as if he does it daily, which Jaebeom knows it’s not true. But he is so careful and smiley, Jaebeom almost falls down too focused on watching the way Youngjae enjoys it. Watching him kind of reminds him why cycling was one of his favorite activities when he was younger, it’s amazing to feel the cold wind in his hair and the inexplicable freedom sensation. 

Riding it’s not that hard, and soon enough Jaebeom gets the hang of it. And for him, it now feels like he is a kid again chasing his friends in the park near his house. He catches up to Youngjae, probably because the boy lets him, they go always at the same pace. Sometimes slower but sometimes way too fast for it to be safe, Youngjae will start pedaling too fast out of nowhere just to see Jaebeom behind him yelling for him to be careful. 

It’s fun but Jaebeom couldn’t be more grateful when they come to a stop. He is out of breath and in need of some water. Before Jaebeom can even voice it, Youngjae is handing him a bottle of water that he took from his backpack, he watches the man drink it as if something interesting, making it more uncomfortable than it had to be. 

“I’m kinda hungry now, should we get something to eat?” Jaebeom asks, he had fun but he isn’t sure if this is something he can really call a date. 

“Of course, we're gonna eat, Ahjussi,” this time Jaebeom is already expecting it when Youngjae takes his hand, but it doesn’t make it less nerve-wracking. Instead of walking to somewhere where they could eat, Youngjae walks them to the grass closer to the river. 

Then he sits on it, Jaebeom would expect him to have at least a picnic blanket. When it’s clear that he expects Jaebeom to join in the man just accepts his fate and sits with him. Just like he imagined the grass is cold and it feels a little wet, he hates the sensation, but it all goes away easily when Youngjae takes two giant bags of Doritos from his backpack and hands them over to Jaebeom. 

The older man can’t help but laugh out loud at it, “that’s what you call a date dinner?”

“And it gets even better,” Youngjae says with a bright smile while he shows Jaebeom a bottle of wine and two orange plastic glasses. 

Youngjae seems so genuinely happy, Jaebeom wants to have him like this all the time. They are so different, Jaebeom would never imagine himself drinking wine from an orange plastic glass but he doesn’t care if it’s with Youngjae. If anything it makes him feel warm that the boy had all the trouble picking all of this and planning what they should do together. 

Jaebeom isn’t a big fan of Doritos but he is so hungry after all the biking he enjoys it, eating everything in his bag and even stealing from Youngjae’s. Maybe they aren’t so bad when you are hungry. 

“Why are we here,” Jaebeom asks at last. He has been nervous about this all day and even now he doesn’t know how to be himself a hundred percent because of his nerves. He just needs to know what is going through Youngjae’s mind. 

“Hm, why are we here?” Youngjae repeats his words thoughtfully, “I just wanted to spend some time with you, Ahjussi. I wanted to have a date with you, to call it a date. I wanted to see the stars with you, I wanted you to have fun with me. There’s a lot I wanted,” he says openly and it’s more than Jaebeom expected.

Having Youngjae being so honest with him makes Jaebeom melt, he can actually feel his heart melting and all his walls as well. He thinks he shouldn’t care about what Jinyoung said, it is his life and his decision to make. But at the same time, he also thinks Youngjae deserves way more than a middle-aged divorced man that has nothing to give to him. It seems too selfish to only take from Youngjae without giving him all the things he deserves back. 

“Youngjae, I don’t think we should call it a date,” Jaebeom says looking at the sky just so he doesn’t have to see whatever expression it will bring to Youngjae’s face. There are no stars for him to look at, which is not a surprise, it’s just the dark sky looking back at him. 

“That’s what it is though,” Youngjae says firmly and it almost makes Jaebeom laugh at how petulant he sounds. “I take you out and I hold your hand, we have fun and eat together. This is a date, you agreed to it.”

“I just agreed to it because…” Jaebeom can’t say it. He can’t say he just agreed to go out with him knowing it was a date because he wanted to put an end to things and now that’s the last thing he wants to do.

“It doesn’t matter, Ahjussi. Can’t it just be the two of us tonight? Can’t we forget all the other things? For real let’s pretend there’s nothing else but us, yeah?” Youngjae uses both his hands to make sure Jaebeom looks at him. His touch in his face is so delicate, Jaebeom wishes he would never let go. “I want to see the stars with you so bad, God, why can we never see the stars?”

“We would need to go somewhere else, Seoul is not the best place for it,” his words are slow because no matter how much Jaebeom tries to talk normally to Youngjae their eyes are still locked to each other and it’s making his heartbeat insane. “Whenever we have the time, I will take you somewhere where the sky is so full of stars it’s gonna take your breath away,”

“Yeah, and we can also slow dance...” Youngjae says in a dreamy voice, but he is the one taking Jaebeome’s breath away right now. He sits close to Jaebeom and he keeps pouring him more wine. “So, to make it even more like a first date we should talk about ourselves, get to know each other,”

“Youngjae, shut up,” now that makes Jaebeom laugh, he pushes the boy slightly just to have him move close together again right in the same second. “Are you serious?”

“Of course, since we already know the basics. Let’s go for something more interesting, like... what is the wildest thing you’ve ever done?”

“Wildest?” Jaebeom can’t believe they are really doing this, he should be doing the complete opposite, yet here he is letting Youngjae get even more into his life. “I don’t think I’ve ever done something wild. I mean, I used to get into a lot of fights when I was younger but nothing that got me to a police station or something so I don’t know if that will be wild enough for you,”

“Don’t try to play boring with me, Ahjussi,” Youngjae complains and then he waits but Jaebeom doesn’t really know what he is supposed to do. “Alright, as for me… I guess I shouldn’t go too deep on a first date, right? Hum, I once cheated in a test that I got the answers for and my teacher almost got me, but I ate the paper before she could say anything.” 

“Are you serious right now? I don’t know if this is wild or just weird,” Jaebeom says honestly with a small smile growing on his face. “How old were you though?” Jaebeom never cheated in his life, he liked the concept of working hard and seeing the results. But he wanted to picture a younger Youngjae being so desperate to the point of eating paper. 

“I was fifteen and like I’m really bad at maths, I had to do it,” Youngjae defends himself, but it’s not like Jaebeom is looking down on him. “Now wild enough for you, then what about me running away from home when I was eight?”

“You ran away? God, you were a kid what were you thinking?” Jaebeom knows it as a long time ago but he has a kid, stories like that actually worry him. 

“I was just trying to make it interesting. I didn’t even really run away, I went back the next day,” Youngjae laughs at Jaebeom’s worried expression but it doesn’t seem so sincere as his usual laughs. “So, anyway, for the next question. How many people have you had sex with? How many of those were men?”

Jaebeom chokes on the wine he has been drinking, making it burn his throat and nose. Youngjae laughs so loudly it’s the loudest Jaebeom has ever heard it, he is struggling with the drink that went onto his nose but all he wants is to hear Youngjae laugh. 

It’s clear that he did it on purpose, just to see Jaebeom’s reaction since he doesn’t wait for an answer before he starts making more questions. Jaebeom can barely pay attention to them, he still feels embarrassed, his entire face burning even when Youngjae seems to be over it. 

But Youngjae keeps going and this time he really keeps it light and silly. Youngjae asks random things like what Jaebeom likes to eat the most and dumb stuff about his childhood. But he also asks about Jaebeom’s preferences in pretty much everything, as if he really cares about the answers. 

Youngjae keeps asking random things that Jaebeom didn’t even know he was interested in. The boy knows about Bomi coming to live with him but not even once he mentions it, he doesn’t mention anything about their present life if it’s not about hobbies or favorite places and food. 

It would all be simple and light, stress-relieving even if the boy wouldn’t touch Jaebeom lightly every once in a while. Jaebeom would have his hand held, his wrists softly touched, his fingers played within the most subtle ways. Youngjae knew what he was doing to Jaebeom, there was no way he didn’t know it was driving Jaebeom insane and that he alcohol combined with the conversation, and the touches were just making the prospect of kissing Youngjae less absurd. 

He looked so good under the moonlight, and the way his lips were slightly red because of the wine made Jaebeom want him more than he ever did before. It was not supposed to go like that. “We should go, I have a meeting tomorrow,” Jaebeom attempts to get away from his desires in the most miserable way. 

But it would be too easy if Youngjae just agreed to it. The boy just looks at him, face blank, and then he is lying his head on Jaebeom’s lap. Out of nowhere he just lies there in the cold grass and rests on Jaebeom. He is looking up, supposedly at the sky but his eyes are on Jaebeom. 

“I know,” Youngjae says in a way to make clear that he doesn’t care about Jaebeom’s responsibilities. “Last question though, what makes you happy, Ahjussi?”

“This,” Jaebeom doesn’t care that he shouldn’t be giving it away so easily. He also doesn’t care to explain what exactly ‘this’ means, he knows Youngjae understands him when he closes his eyes with a sad smile on his face. 

Jaebeom isn’t sure why the smile is sad, but he can feel it in his core as well. The sadness of wanting something that they most likely can’t have. 

After that they don’t talk anymore, Jaebeom enjoys the warmth of Youngjae where their bodies touch. Enjoys playing with his hair that is just so soft, while he thinks about every bit of information about the boy he got tonight. Youngjae likes music, that he could sing Jaebeom already knew, but he didn’t know that was what Youngjae wanted to do with himself when he was younger. He learns Youngae doesn’t have a lot of friends, so he always being with Jaebeom instead of being with people his age makes sense to him now. 

Jaebeom can’t get him to talk much about his family though, but the way he learns more about Youngjae’s personality is enough. It also hits Jaebeom that he was already head over heels without knowing much about Youngjae, and now it feels even stronger. Youngjae is so beautiful inside and out, he is so compassionate and smart, he is also so fun to be around, Jaebeom wants to be near him all the time. This is too hard to give up on. It’s too good. 

He wishes they could just keep things like they are right now, just hanging out, just being there for each other. But then Youngjae had to call it a date and make it obvious for Jaebeom that it wasn’t a possibility. He is still trying to process what it means for Youngjae to want to go on a date with him if he is just trying things out or if he just wants to have some fun. Jaebeom can’t even consider Youngjae being in love with him, can’t imagine the boy having the same feelings as him. That would be too much for him to even deal with. 

It’s just after an hour or so of the boy lying on his lap that Youngjae says they should finally leave, he gets up out of nowhere and helps Jaebeom to his feet too without any words. Jaebeom can see the change in his expressions, he doesn’t know if he did something wrong, Youngjae doesn’t look as cheerful as before even though he tries to pretend everything is fine. 

The drive back to Jaebeom’s apartment is just like before, Youngjae doesn’t put any space between them but he is so quiet, it’s starting to bug Jaebeom. He thinks about asking Youngjae to come up with him, it would be the first time the boy would see his place and Jaebeom would look for any excuse to not end the night. He knows it might seem like he has other intentions so he plans on letting things clear to Youngjae. 

Before Jaebeom can suggest anything, Youngjae hugs him in front of the building. They had held hands a bunch of times now, Youngjae kissed his cheek a few nights ago and it felt magical, but hugging feels much more intimate. It’s not intimate just in a romantic way, this is different, Jaebeom wants to point out what is so different about it but he can’t. 

He has no idea how long the hug lasts but when Youngjae pulls away Jaebeom wants to pull him back onto his arms and never let go. “Thanks for going on a date with me, Ahjussi. It was the first time I did something like that, thank you,” 

Jaebeom was frozen in place once again, he can’t say anything before Youngjae goes back to the taxi that was still waiting for him. He was a mix of happiness and nervousness just a few seconds ago, he wanted to forget about everything and just be with Youngjae. But now all he can feel is his heart getting tighter and tighter in his chest. 

Youngjae never having a date in his life, probably never having a relationship, to begin with, it’s something so distant from Jaebeom’s reality. Jinyoung was right, Youngjae hasn’t lived anything yet, he hasn’t done a lot of things and it’s not fair that he will do those things with someone who has a lot more experience than him. Hell, maybe Youngjae won’t even get to live everything he is meant to live if he stays by Jaebeom’s side. Jaebeom really can’t be this selfish. Not to him. 

Jaebeom wants to call Jackson, to just hear someone that might understand his feelings. He doesn’t need his friend to encourage him or to support him on anything, he just needs to be understood. But that’s not something Jaebeom does, call his friend and talk about his feelings. It’s not something he can do easily, and it’s not something he can do now. 

That night Jaebeom doesn’t sleep at all, he spends hours and hours thinking about what to do next. He can’t get to a decision, the only thing he knows is that things can’t keep going with Youngjae the way they are. He knows he loves the boy, and he wants what is best for him, Jaebeom wants to help Youngjae and he wants him to be happy. He won’t just leave him and act as if Youngjae means nothing, but he is now sure he will stop any kind of romantic feeling that might be going on between them. 

When he gets to work the next day he doesn’t look at Youngjae at all, he knows the boy is there because he can see a figure at his desk. But Jaebeom never looks at him directly, he keeps as much distance as he can. They will have a meeting and Jaebeom will spend most of the day away from him, so that will help. 

On his way to the meeting room, Jaebeom’s eyes betray him and find their way to Youngjae. They stare at each other just for a second too long, but Jaebeom can see something on Youngjae’s eyes. He looks at the man as if he knows something he doesn’t. He looks sad.

Jaebeom tries to not think too much about it, he is tired and sleepy the whole meeting, so he is grateful he doesn’t have to make any presentation and most of the subjects there don’t concern him or his team. At the end of the meeting, Mark lets everyone know that he has an announcement to make. Jaebeom then makes an effort to pay attention to whatever the man has to say. 

At first, Mark just congratulates all the directors and the hard work they have been doing all year, nothing too interesting for Jaebeom to have to listen to. But then he starts talking about how much of a pleasure it was to work with each and every one of them and how he will miss them. It’s just then that he announces that he will be working at the new company building in Daegu. 

Jaebeom is left open-mouthed as well as everyone at the meeting room, no one wants to be transferred to Daegu. They considered it to be a punishment whenever someone had to move to the city to work at the new office. Jaebeom can’t understand it, Mark for sure isn’t being punished, but he won’t be on the same high level he is right now once he moves. Mark acts as if that’s the best thing to happen to him and asks everyone to look at it in a positive way, and if they are to be transferred as well to be grateful about it. 

Once the meeting is finally over, Mark walks over to Jaebeom and asks for him to come with him to his office. They have never been very close, and after what Jaebeom saw between him and Youngjae he made sure to put even more distance between him and the other man, but he can’t deny he is curious about what Mark has to say. 

They sit at the comfortable couches in Mark's office and his secretary brings them tea. “Jaebeom-ssi, are you happy for me?” Mark asks but it’s clear on Jaebeom’s face that he is more shocked than anything, and that makes Mark laugh. “You don’t have to worry, your position as the new managing director is secured. We got it all sorted out before my transference,”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Jaebeom says honestly. He doesn’t want to think about getting a promotion now, he knows the day for the decision to be made is getting closer but he just wants to ignore it altogether. 

“You’re worried about me? I’m flattered, but that was my decision, I think me and my family need a change of airs,” Mark doesn’t look sincere at all, but it’s not like Jaebeom will call him out on that. “I’m more worried about you my friend, about the people you hang out with and how it might affect your position here,”

“What do you mean?” Jaebeom knows what he means but he doesn’t want to hear from yet another person that he should stay away from Youngjae. He knows it already. 

“Here,” Mark doesn’t explain what he is talking about, he just hands Jaebeom a folder as if that explains everything. “We always look into every employee but I’m afraid we might have failed with this one, I hope you will take care of it in the future.”

His tone makes Jaebeom shiver, they have nothing else to talk about. Mark wishes Jaebeom good luck and Jaebeom does the same, but once they are done with the tea Jaebeom leaves his office right away. He is so curious about the folder he barely makes it back to his desk without opening it. 

Before he does though, he notices Youngjae’s desk is now empty. And it’s really empty, it’s not just Youngjae missing, all his things are gone and it’s like he was never there. Jaebeom leaves the folder on his desk walking over to Lia. 

“Where’s Youngjae-ssi,” he sounds terrified even though he has no reason to. 

“It was his last day, the contracts are over and it was to be expected that he would leave earlier,” even though she notices Jaebeom’s desperation she doesn’t comment on it. Instead, she sounds bored with the subject, directing her eyes back to her computer screen. 

“What do you mean the contracts are over? We always renew them for another year, you said you were working on it,” 

“Sure, and everyone else renewed for another year, but Youngjae-ssi said he wasn’t interested in continuing working here. So,” Lia shrugs as if to say ‘that’s the story’, and Jaebeom is left without anything. He doesn’t know what else to ask, he doesn’t know what to make out of it. 

He walks back to his desk almost not caring about the folder Mark gave him anymore. He wants to go after Youngjae and ask what is going on. Jaebeom knows he isn’t doing it just because he hasn’t acknowledged Youngjae today, it would be too silly and it wouldn’t even make sense. He probably declined the proposal to renew his contract a few days ago anyway. 

Jaebeom opens the folder indifferently but then he is faced with Youngjae’s name right at the top, it’s big and he notices that there are a lot of pages. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do, he is afraid to read the pages after what Mark said about having failed with one of their employees. He won’t be able to just ignore it, that’s for sure. So Jaebeom takes the folder with him to the storage room where it’s silent and he knows no one will disturb him. 

He seats on the floor, noticing his hands are shaking. It could be anything, it could be something as simple as information about Youngjae lying on his resume, but then it wouldn’t be too important and it wouldn’t matter so much. 

Again Jaebeom opens the folder this time not so slowly, the first page only has Youngjae’s full name and basic information like his parents’ names, his age, and where he studied. Jaebeom doesn’t know why this is important. He looks at everything carefully, he notices Youngjae’s mother passed away when the boy was born. It makes Jaebeom want to puke, he feels awful even though it’s not something he could know he feels terrible about it. 

The next thing he pays close attention to it’s the institution where Youngjae studied, he doesn’t recognize the school name. He thinks about Googling it but turning the page he finds more information about it. Apparently, it’s a school for kids under the responsibility of the Country. 

It takes Jaebeom a while to realize what it means. What he understands is that Youngjae probably didn’t have anyone to look after him, his father wasn’t dead though. Jaebeom checks it again and the paper says the man was still alive. Jaebeom keeps reading but he is even more scared that he will find that Youngjae went through worse things than losing his mother and being under Government custody.

Sure enough, in the next pages, Jaebeom finds out that the school wasn’t just for kids left alone in the world. But for the ones that have committed offenses and were there to be rehabilitated. “No, no, no,” 

Jaebeom feels like crying, he can’t keep reading this. It doesn’t just feel like he is entering Youngjae’s life without permission, it also feels like he is finding out things that he shouldn’t find out. He shouldn’t know these things. 

But, of course, now that he started he can’t stop reading. Jaebeom thought, or better, hopped he was going to find out that Youngjae did something dumb like shoplifting or underage drinking. But reading the pages he wanted to scream in frustration. It says that when Youngjae was twelve years old he stabbed a man in the back. 

“This is… God, this has to be wrong,” Jaebeom whispers to himself not believing what his eyes see. This can’t be about his Youngjae, not the caring and loving Youngjae he knows. Jaebeom let him into his life, he can’t be someone who did such things. 

It is weird that the company would overlook something so big like this so Jaebeom keeps reading hoping he will find a catch. And just like he thought, the firm wouldn’t hire someone guilty, Youngjae was considered to act in self-defense. Jaebeom knew that was supposed to make things better but it didn’t, because no matter what the justice said, the fact was that Youngjae, a kid, stabbed someone. 

There were no details on what happened or the motivations, all it said was that Youngjae wasn’t guilty of the crime but had to stay in the rehabilitation center ‘till his ‘18s. Jaebeom can’t imagine what living in a place like that for six years could make to one’s head, but at the same time, he couldn’t care. He just can’t care when he thinks that he let Youngjae in his life, that he let the boy near his daughter without knowing about something as huge as this. 

Even if it was self-defense Jaebeom can’t imagine a situation where he would stab someone. This is not something he can just be empathetic about. He thought Youngjae was someone good under bad circumstances, that he just needed someone to help him out. But it was much more than that. It was more than Jaebeom could deal with. 

There is more information about his behavior, how he used to run away from the center all the time, or not do the activities he was supposed to. There was stuff about him being shy but polite and never getting into fights or disrespecting the staff. But at this point it didn’t mean much for Jaebeom, he read everything, and even though there was nothing about what Youngjae did once he got out Jaebeom couldn’t trust him anymore. 

He doesn’t know why Youngjae decided to not renew but it was for the best, Jaebeom didn’t want to see him anymore. He didn’t want to have someone like him around. To think he took the boy to his parents’ place, it made Jaebeom sick to think about it. He just wished Youngjae would forget about him, forget about his family. Just go away. 

It’s easy for Jaebeom to stay away from Youngjae, it’s easy for him to remind himself why that was all a mistake. But no matter how betrayed Jaebeom feels, he can’t stop thinking about the boy. Not even a second goes by that Jaebeom doesn’t think about Youngjae and how much he needs to talk to him. To understand what happened, even though it’s pretty clear that he almost killed someone. There is no explanation for that, Jaebeom tells himself over and over again. 

It’s been weeks, Jaebeom thought it would get better with time but it didn’t. It just gets worse and worse, Jaebeom misses Youngjae as if he was a part of his body that he lost. 

Things aren’t so hard with Bomi now that she is back in school with her friends. Jaebeom and Seolhyun decided he would be the main responsible for her but that both their mothers should help with it. Jaebeom knew it was because Seolhyun didn’t trust him enough, but he was grateful to have all the help he could get. Things were better at home, and Bomi didn’t look so upset anymore, things were getting into place once again. 

Jaebeom was the one suffering. He lied on the bed with her one night, he thought she didn’t want to be alone but soon enough he realized she didn’t want him to be alone. It was sweet, but it was too sweet. Jaebeom wasn’t used to having someone that cared about him like this, not anyone other than Youngjae and just the thought made him want to cry. 

He couldn’t hold it anymore, he let a few tears roll down his face, he hoped Bomi wouldn’t notice but she probably could hear him sniffing. 

“Dad, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Bomi says, supporting her little body on her elbows and looking up at him. “Dr. Chloe said it’s okay if you cry when you’re sad. But you can’t be sad all the time,” 

Her voice is so sweet and she sounds so smart as if she learned something important and was now using it to help her father. It makes Jaebeom cry even harder, but this time he also laughs, is a mess of him crying and laughing and Bomi obviously can’t understand what is going on. 

She hugs Jaebeom and he finally stops laughing, it isn’t funny. Nothing feels funny, but she is right, it’s okay if he cries. At least, when he is with his daughter, Jaebeom feels okay being vulnerable. He tells himself that is okay over and over again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- yo sorry it's taking me so long between chapters, but idk this fic is kinda heavy on me and even when i want to write i feel a bit tired so sorry.. i will try to be more constant  
> \- anyway hope this wasn't messy and yeah.............  
> \- btw got7 making a cb??? oprah vfnckjds pls support them a lot :D  
> \- [twitter :D](https://twitter.com/yjjbzone)


	8. No turning back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello gays pls enjoy this :x
> 
> @nic: what's good

The last thing Jaebeom wanted was to have a celebration dinner with his boss and the bunch of the company’s directors right now. He just wanted to go home and watch some dumb movie with Bomi. Jaebeom knew he should be excited, should be happy, so on the outside, he was doing his best to look like so, but he was really not feeling it. 

He has wanted this promotion all his life, well, for the most part of his life when he understood that he had to have an office job in order to earn money and offer a good life for his family. 

So, this moment should be the moment where he looks back and is happy to say that everything was worth it. That he made it. Hell, Jaebeom used to think he would cry for weeks if it ever happened. But now he can’t even be happy about it. Sure, Jaebeom has always been a bit too anxious and he was worried about his new responsibilities, both in the company and in his personal life. 

But that wasn’t it. Jaebeom just wasn’t excited to be the new managing director. He didn’t care for the job and he didn’t feel passionate anymore. Sitting there with all these men Jaebeom felt like an alien in disguise. He was one of them, he had become one of them, had earned his space between such influential men, but it didn’t feel as good as he thought it would feel. Maybe it was a passing thing, he probably hadn’t fully comprehended what was happening yet. And once he does, he will be the happiest man alive, his life will be complete. 

“I shouldn’t tell you this, but you were my favorite to the position, Jaebeom-ssi,” says the company’s founder, Mr. Kim. He is an old man, Jaebeom imagines he is probably in his late ‘80s but he can’t be sure. Maybe he is even older. 

The first time he acknowledged Jaebeom, he almost had a heart attack because of it. Jaebeom remembers telling Seolhyun as if it was the biggest accomplishment of his career. It probably was at that point in his life. Now the man says Jaebeom was his first option and he won’t feel a thing. Still, Jaebeom politely bows his head not knowing what to say to that. 

The man takes that as an opportunity to keep going. “Hyunjae was… he was creating problems for us, for our image. And we need younger kids like you, a new way to see things… to see the world. I’m sure we made the right decision,”

Jaebeom smiles at that, not because he feels flattered by the compliment but because this man just called him a young kid. He supposes anyone looks like an infant to him. Again Jaebeom bows and promises to do a good job, earning a smile from his boss and a lot of praises from the other men in the room. 

“I’m glad we can trust you to do it. You know, son, this company is my life. My legacy…” his voice shakes a bit, Jaebeom isn’t sure but he thinks the man might be getting a little emotional. “None of my daughters showed any interest in it… and at some point, I believed Mark would become the managing director and work his way up to the CEO position. Would make sure the company would keep going even when I’m no longer here,”

Jaebeom feels a weight on his shoulders, he doesn’t want this responsibility to himself. Doesn’t want the man thinking of him like the one who will take care of the business for his family once it is needed. But then he digests the words better and something seems off, “Mark-ssi? I didn’t know he was…” he has always known that Mark had some kind of relationship with the founder’s family. That he was the one the old man trusted the most. But Mark wasn’t even an option for the position, that was he was told. 

“Oh, you know how much Mr. Kim respects and trusts Mark-ssi,” one of the directors comments before anyone can say anything. “Of course, since he doesn’t have the best academic background in the area he couldn’t assume the position. But Mr. Kim was determined to give him the position if things would come down to it,”

Jaebeom knew what it meant, if all the other three options weren’t good enough or had any issue getting the promotion, Mark would get it. Even if he wasn’t the most qualified, he had Mr.Kim in his favor. “But Mark-ssi was sent to Daegu…”

He doesn’t say what it seems like but everyone in the room knows it’s seen as a punishment even if the higher ones in position will never admit it. “Well, that was his choice--”

The same man was explaining but then Mr. Kim interrupted him. “Mark is a very ambitious one, he knew about the opportunity and he wanted it. Certainly, something came in his way, you wouldn’t happen to know what it was would you, son?”

“No. I don’t know, I’m sorry,” Jaebeom says firmly. They don’t talk about Mark anymore, and Jaebeom is grateful that he can get away with not being too talkative for the rest of the night. He can’t stop thinking about what he just heard. 

It wasn’t a lie, Mark was very ambitious, even if one didn’t know him personally they would be able to see in his eyes. See the fire there. He knew he could get this very position and yet he acted as if he was on Jaebeom’s side, doing whatever he could to help him. Then it was true that he was the one making the decision to go to Daegu, but Mr. Kim is right, something must have come in his way. He wouldn’t give up on something so big. 

Even when Jaebeom finally makes it to his apartment this is all he has in his mind. He reckons that he was too naive to trust Mark so easily, but again Mark never did anything to harm him. At least Jaebeom can’t think of anything. But even if Mark was just being an honest competitor, he wouldn’t offer Jaebeom any help. 

His brain is frying with what it might mean. Jaebeom is grateful for Bomi spending the night at her grandparents’ so he doesn’t have anything else to worry about but this. It turns out to be useless, Jaebeom could spend the entire night trying to come up with an assumption but he wouldn’t ever know for sure. 

It’s late in the night but Jaebeom decides to email Mark, he asks the man to call him when he gets the chance. Jaebeom doesn’t care how it will seem, he wants to have an honest conversation about this. 

But having sent the email gives Jaebeom the fake feeling that he will be able to solve this later and it won’t be a problem anymore. So, his useless brain is free to think about other things. To think about the boy that he will always think about, every night, no matter what. It wouldn’t be different this night, Mark becomes just a small point in his mind. 

The main subject of his thoughts will always be Youngjae. 

Jaebeom wonders if it’s normal to miss someone this much, someone that isn’t part of his life. Not really. He might care for Youngjae, he might even think he is in love with him, but Youngjae isn’t someone that is included in his life. He was there and now he isn’t anymore. Just like that.

He thinks it’s natural to miss him, yes, it probably is. But to think about him all the time? It certainly isn’t. He talked to Jinyoung about it once and his best friend assured him it would go away, that it wasn’t anything for him to worry about. It would go away. Youngjae was just an obsession, it would pass. 

Every day Jaebeom repeated the words to himself. But it was ridiculous, he knew better than Jinyoung ever would. It wasn’t an obsession, or maybe it was but it was also more than that. He was the only one who could understand that it was more. 

Jaebeom didn’t tell his friends what he knew about Youngjae, he just let them believe he distanced himself from the boy like he said he would. It was the worst part, he had to keep everything inside. Had to keep all his dark thoughts to himself. At first, it made him angrier since he was the only one who could analyze all the new information. But then he started to feel something different, he didn’t want to admit but he wasn’t angry anymore. He just felt betrayed. 

But what he really wanted was to be angry. Feeling betrayed wasn’t enough. And it was also a way too familiar feeling. He remembers being angry at Seolhyun just for later feeling betrayed, and then proceeding to wanting to forgive her. She never wanted to be forgiven but he wanted to give her the chance anyway. 

He knew it wasn’t the same. Youngjae didn’t do anything to Jaebeom, he doesn’t think the boy ever would, even though he also didn’t think he could trust him anymore. But he didn’t want to feel sorry, he didn’t want to beg Youngjae to come back just because he was admittedly so in love with him. He shouldn’t do that again. It will only end in pain. And even though he is already in pain as it is, he doesn’t want to repeat the same mistakes. 

So, Jaebeom really won’t do it. He won’t be the one forgiving Youngjae even when the boy isn’t there to ask for forgiveness. He has accepted the fact that it won’t pass no matter how many times he tries to convince himself it will. Jaebeom will just spend as many nights as he needs sleepless and thinking about Youngjae. For as long as he can take it. 

Of course, the bad habit of not sleeping well shows in his appearance. The next day at the office he gets a surprise party, which is awful to deal with, and all the employees supposed he looked like that because of how much he celebrated the last night. Jaebeom lets them believe it. 

As much as he hates how they can only talk about it at the office, Jaebeom is really grateful for them and for how supportive everyone is being. Jaebeom will miss working with his team, but he is also grateful he won’t have to be there looking at Youngjae’s old desk anymore. Now, there is a girl working there. She is the same age as Youngjae, and she is way more helpful and polite. Everyone loves her at the office, Jaebeom heard two of his employees talking about how lucky they were Youngjae was finally fired. 

Jaebeom hates it. He hates that she is there and that everyone loves her so much. Of course, he will never show it but he can’t even remember her name and it’s always awkward around her. He wished everyone was this nice to Youngjae when he was there. He knows the boy could use some kindness in his life. 

The thought kind of throws Jaebeom off. It’s been a while since he thought about Youngjae in such a caring way. He has been angry for so long, and even when the anger went away he never thought about the boy being deserving of nice things. It sounds terrible even in his mind, but Jaebeom stopped caring about what was going on with Youngjae. It seemed that not anymore, since now he was getting bitter over the boy not receiving affection from coworkers. 

Jaebeom shakes the thought away. He knows he will have plenty of time to think about it at night when he can’t fall asleep yet again. 

After the mini-party they threw for him, Jaebeom still has to go to his parents’ place and have a special dinner. It’s like the celebrations will never end. He could say no, say he was too tired, which wouldn’t even be a lie. But Jaebeom can’t take this away from his parents. They worked hard so he could have the best education, they dreamed about their only kid finding success, and even though Jaebeom doesn’t feel successful at all he knows that’s how they see this promotion. 

If it was for his mother they would have the whole family and neighbors over, but Jaebeom only agreed to have this commemorative dinner if it was just them. He knew his mother would brag about it to her sisters and friends either way. 

Of course, ‘just them’ meant Jinyoung and Jackson as well. Jaebeom loved them, but he was still a bit bitter about the last two conversations they had. It’s not like Jaebeom didn’t ask for their opinion he needed it, but he wasn’t happy either. What was even worse was that he felt ashamed whenever they would meet. He didn’t have a reason to, but he couldn’t help it. 

They were all at his parents’, Jaebeom hasn’t seen his mother this happy since Bomi was born. Which is very telling. That excites him a bit, it kind of reminds him why he started it all this when he was younger. The dinner isn’t as bad as he thought it would be, but trying to avoid his friends left him alone with his father. 

Jaebeom didn’t think it would be a problem, it was always comfortable around him. But even though the older man was happy as his wife, he wasn’t blinded by the promotion. 

“You look like you had your heart broken, son,” it’s just the two of them in the living room where they watch the others talking loudly in the kitchen. Jaebeom feels caught off guard and he can’t say anything but stare at his father. “Oh, you did,”

Jaebeom can’t deny it. He hasn’t thought about it like that, but now that he does he can’t think of any other way to put it. “Mm,”

“That’s good, I’m glad,” he says and he is already smiling knowing it would confuse the hell out of Jaebeom. 

“What?” Jaebeom says loudly. No one pays them no mind and if they did he wouldn’t care now. He can’t understand how his dad can say it was a good thing when it was literally killing Jaebeom’s insides. 

“I thought you would never allow yourself to love someone again. Having your heart broken is part of it, of loving but also of living. I’m glad, now you can start again,” and this time his smile is warm and not knowing. Jaebeom can feel the warmth but he can’t agree with him. 

“It’s not… no, I can’t start again. It’s still going on,” he admits, this time softly not knowing how to talk about it with his father. He is afraid that any wrong move and he will give away who he is in love with. 

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that now you know that it’s possible to fall in love, and then to fall again and again. That’s it’s not over because of her,” Jaebeom knows he took things really badly when his marriage ended. His parents were worried about him, and what it seems is that they were still worrying about his life, his happiness. 

“It’s not the same,” and again something new hits Jaebeom. It’s really not the same, no matter how many times he compares the situation with what went between him and Seolhyun, this is nothing like that. “He didn’t--”

Jaebeom covers his mouth with both hands as soon as the words leave his mouth. His eyes wide open not believing what he just said. His father looks as surprised as him, so Jaebeom guesses he never suspected anything. He doesn’t know if this makes things better or worse, but he really wants to run away. 

It’s like his father can sense it, he puts one of his strong big hands on Jaebeom’s shoulder as a way to settle him. “What about him?”

“Dad, it’s not-- I-- can we please don’t do this. Can we not talk about what I just said and just… please,” even if his father isn’t looking at him in a disgusted way, Jaebeom fears it will happen at any moment. He just wants to take back the words that slipped way. There’s a reason why Jaebeom never felt comfortable talking about this with his parents. It scares him.

“We can. Let’s not do that then,” the man says, and the warm look is still there, it’s not gone. Jaebeom breathes relieved. “But we can still talk about the heartbreak, right? How is this one different?” 

“Dad, we don’t talk about stuff like this. We don’t have to,” Jaebeom pleads. They don’t talk about personal stuff like this, not at this level. When his parents found out about Seolhyun cheating all his dad did was give him a hug. That was the end of it, they didn’t talk about it, they don’t have to talk about Youngjae now. 

“I understand, it’s difficult. I haven’t experienced it myself, but I’ve heard it’s different every time that’s why I wanted to know more.” His father married his mother when he was twenty, so Jaebeom understands he is talking about not having experience with heartbreaks. He doesn’t envy him though, he is glad Seolhyun broke his heart, Jaebeom didn’t want to spend all his life with someone like her. “And also, because I want to be there for you, son. I want to do a better job,”

“You are already doing an amazing job, dad. You don’t have to talk about my bad luck with love for you to be a better father,” Jaebeom is finally able to smile back at his father. He knows the feeling of wanting to do better for your kid well. But his father is already great as it is, in fact, Jaebeom is happy with their dynamics; he doesn’t want it to change. “And you don’t have to worry, the pain it’s still going on. But whatever it was it’s over and done with,”

“The pain will be over and done soon too,” his father tries to comfort him, squeezing his shoulder. Jaebeom has heard it way too many times, and every time it gets less believable. “Just make sure you made the right decision. That boy seemed like a nice one,”

Jaebeom chokes on nothing, it’s obvious that his father is talking about Youngjae. On the last occasion where it was ‘just them’ the boy was there, now he isn’t. Jaebeom just wasn’t ready for his father to get the situation so easily. And he can’t even deny, he just catches his breath and walks to the kitchen without another word. 

He could thank his dad or he could try changing the subject but it was impossible for him to face it, to talk about it even for one more second. Jaebeom just goes to the kitchen so he can sit with Bomi and pretend to engage in whatever they are doing, after all, they are there because of him. 

Jinyoung tries to get him alone when he notices Jaebeom is acting weird. But he has been for a while and he just isn’t up to explain it again. To hear yet again that whatever he feels for Youngjae isn’t that serious and he should let go. Jaebeom does all he can to not talk to him or Jackson about anything that is not related to his promotion. 

His friends even mention the spying thing that supposedly existed. Instead of being scared, Bomi is super excited and wants to know more. Jaebeom doesn’t know shit about it, he doesn’t even believe it was real, to begin with. It could be Mark trying to scare him off, he doesn’t know. But Jackson makes up a story for her, is so eventful that at some time she calls him out on his bullshit. Jaebeom has fun seeing her having fun and being her normal self again. 

When they get home is way past Bomi’s bedtime and Jaebeom has to carry her all the way up. Then he sits by himself on the couch. The lights are off and Jaebeom imagines he probably looks like an insane person sitting there in the dark and doing nothing there. Eventually, he pulls out his phone and checks if there’s anything from Mark. But nothing. 

Mark now works under him, he should reply to Jaebeom and clarify things with his boss. It’s not like he can run away from it forever, but Jaebeom will let it slide for now. He is not worrying so much about it as he was the previous day, it just doesn’t seem to matter considering everything that happened tonight. Jaebeom considers that he might be being too careless about it, but he has more to worry about. 

Fortunately, he is so tired his brain decides to give him a break and he is able to sleep that night. He falls asleep on the couch and it’s not a good night of sleep, when he wakes in the morning it's like he had barely slept but his body is a little less tired than it has been lately. 

It’s not been easy to do things exactly the way Jaebeom wanted. He hoped to be more present to Bomi now that they are living together. It wasn’t a hard adaptation since she was already there before they decided she would stay, but he knows he isn’t doing everything he could. He feels guilty, so something Jaebeom always does is take her to school. Even if it doesn’t seem like much, it’s important to them. 

Jaebeom can’t pick her up, but he always tries to compensate her by spending time together at night and on the weekends. Lately, she hasn’t been demanding so much time together anymore though. So, Jaebeom supposes the time while he drives her to school is seen as more important to him than to her. He doesn’t mind though. 

On their way there today she is really quiet, texting away on her phone. Jaebeom gave up on engaging her in conversation two minutes in, it was too tiring. But out of nowhere, he felt eyes on him that were impossible to ignore. 

“What is it?” He asked but kept his eyes on the traffic in front of him. 

“Where is the cat Youngjae-oppa gave you?” She answers so quickly as if she was just waiting for him to ask. It takes Jaebeom a few seconds to understand what cat she is talking about then he remembers the dumb keyring, he took it off right after Mark gave him the folder about Youngjae. It made him uncomfortable to be always looking at it. “Dad!?”

“Hm?” He was starting to get distracted realizing that again it was Mark and now he seemed to be part of everything. “It’s at home, it was weird looking,” 

“It wasn’t,” she complains, sounding annoyed. “Youngjae-oppa got it for your birthday, and he got me the camera for mine. I was thinking about what we should get him,”

Jaebeom is stiff and he tries to ignore her but she makes a noise of complaint again. “I don’t know when it’s his birthday, it probably already passed,”

“But we have to give him something,” but then she is already distracted with her phone again and Jaebeom is grateful for it, it doesn’t last much. “I’m looking up gifts for him, please, dad ask him when it’s his birthday. It has to be perfect,” 

Thankfully they get to her school not too long after that and they can stop talking about Youngjae. Bomi is the only one with whom he has conversations about Youngjae, he just doesn’t know how to tell her to stop, to forget about the boy. He can’t forget Youngjae himself. It’s not like it’s easy. 

After that, it becomes even harder. Jaebeom has to prepare everything around the office for his new position. The full transition will happen just in a month but there’s a lot he needs to wrap up with his team and start working on. And at home Bomi will bring Youngjae’s birthday up every night, he has already lost his patience and told her to forget it but it didn’t work. 

Of course, it only made Jaebeom think more and more about Youngjae and about his birthday that was really around the corner. It was like Bomi had sensed the exact right time to talk about it. 

Since the first time, Jaebeom read the folder at the storage room he never touched it again. But now that Bomi started with her obsession it was even harder for Jaebeom to take the boy off his mind. 

At one night after he put her to sleep Jaebeom goes through his drawers to find the folder once again. It’s not like he forgot anything written there, he just wants to have something about Youngjae. He reads the first pages again, and this time he doesn’t feel like he felt the first time. Sure, it still scares him but he is so hung up on Youngjae’s birth date, and on it being the same day his mother passed away he can’t think of anything else. 

It will be a year since he hit Youngjae with his car as well. It brings a bitter taste to his mouth to think about the way Youngjae acted as if he didn’t remember it was his birthday, he doesn’t know if it was really an act or if within the years Youngjae made sure to try to forget about it. 

Again, he has trouble sleeping, but after that night Jaebeom will go back to it and read the folder almost every night before bed. He keeps imagining a young and lonely Youngjae who will just be all alone this year as well. It doesn’t take more than a week for him to give in. It’s past one in the morning when Jaebeom says fuck it and dials Youngjae’s number. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know what he expected. On the first try, he was so nervous but then Youngjae didn’t pick it up and every time he would be less hopeful about it. It made sense that the boy didn’t want to talk to him, Jaebeom didn’t know how but obviously he knew something had changed. Or else Youngjae wouldn’t have disappeared right when Jaebeom got the folder about his past.

But he still hopes Youngjae will pick up. Jaebeom doesn’t even know what he would say, he just wishes he would have the chance to say something. So, on the next night when he is trying again and he doesn’t hang up before he is supposed to leave a voice message Jaebeom just breathes in for a few seconds wondering what he should say before he hangs up. 

Then, he tries again but this time he will say something. It takes him a few seconds again but he is able to form words. “Youngjae-ssi… would you pick up? I need to talk to you,”

Jaebeom feels a little relieved now that he was able to say something to the boy, even if he was just leaving a voice message he felt a little closer to him. He realized that even though he had nothing to say to Youngjae he really needed to talk to him. He needed it. 

Again, Jaebeom didn’t know what he was expecting. If Youngjae was avoiding him the same way Jaebeom was then for sure he wouldn’t call him back. He could be hurt by the way Jaebeom acted. The man tries to convince himself that the way he reacted was normal, that anyone would react like that but he isn’t so sure about it anymore. Maybe a normal person would try to talk things out, try to understand what really happened to him. But he was trying to protect his feelings and his family.

It was still his priority and even though Youngjae still seemed like a threat to it, he felt wrong not giving him a chance. It took everything in Jaebeom to go to Youngjae’s place, he was nervous and anxious, regretting it within every step he took but he wasn’t going to step back. 

Jaebeom knocked for a while but no one opened the door, this time it was like he knew Youngjae really wasn’t there. So, he called the boy again. 

“Youngjae-yah, please call me back… it’s your birthday next week… I’m sure you know that, it’s just that I’d like to see you. Me and Bomi we would like to see you… call me,” Jaebeom knows he sounds pathetic and that was the last thing he wanted, to sound like that again. To be begging the other person to talk to him but he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“He is not there, dear,” comes a soft voice from behind him that almost makes Jaebeom jump in place. He looks over at some old lady carrying a few bags from the market, she seems to live in the room next to Youngjae’s. “He hasn’t been around for a few days,”

“Oh, do you know if he moved?” If he really did Jaebeom doesn’t know what he would do. There would be no way for him to find Youngjae. But the woman shakes her head and her face morphs into a sad one. 

“It’s not like he can move, he needs to live here for as long as he owes the owner, am I right?” She says it in such a crypt way it makes Jaebeom uncomfortable. If Youngjae can’t move but he hasn’t been around either, where the fuck would he be? “Maybe try again in a few weeks, he should be back,”

She gets her keys and starts unlocking the door to the room she is standing in front of. Jaebeom walks to her, panicking that he will lose the only person that has some kind of information on Youngjae. “Do you have any idea where he could be? Do you know maybe where his sister lives?”

“I do, but he is not there. I see his sister often, so I’d know,” it seems to be all she will say and Jaebeom doesn’t know what else to ask but she takes pity on him. “Lee Moonbin would know though. He wouldn’t let Youngjae-yah disappear owning him any money, so he always knows,” 

Owing money... Jaebeom doesn’t know what to do with that information. So for now he ignores it, he asks the woman where he can find Moonbin. She is a little reluctant to tell him, saying he shouldn’t get involved with people like him but ends up giving him his office address. 

Jaebeom has a feeling she does it more because of Youngjae than because of him. It doesn’t matter though. He thanks her and then he walks to the building using the GPS on his phone. It’s not too far, and Jaeebom doesn’t even know what he is doing. It’s Saturday morning, he should go to his parents and pick Bomi up but instead, he is walking into an old degraded building. 

He walks up the stars ‘till he gets to the only floor where there is something. Jaebeom doesn’t knock, he doesn’t care to. He finds Moonbin in a chair and another boy, probably his age or just a bit younger. 

“Who the fuck are you?” The boy jumps from his chair walking up to Jaebeom but he is short and not really intimidating. Jaebeom isn’t intimidated by any of the two. 

“It’s alright,” Moonbin tells the other guy, he doesn’t leave his desk, he waits for Jaebeom to walk up to him, which he does. “If you are here because of your little whore I don’t know where he is,”

“I’ve heard differently,” Jaebeom spites back, ignoring how he just spoke about Youngjae. He hates looking at this boy’s face, he feels the rage he used to feel when he was younger and he would get into fights. 

“Of course, it’s not like I’d let him run away. But he is probably with his little orphan friend, nothing too much. Don’t worry though, if he doesn’t show up I’ll make sure to find him,” he smirks, saying everything in a threatening tone. 

Jaebeom closes his hands into fists and closes his eyes as well, trying to remind himself he isn’t a teenager anymore and he won’t solve it by breaking Moonbin’s teeth. He wishes he could. “How much does he owe you?”

“What?” This time Moonbin full-on laughs. The other guy joins in even though he probably doesn’t even know why the other is laughing. “When the money stopped coming in I supposed he got tired of… making little favors to your old ass. But you still want to give him your money. Are you an idiot? You like making a fool out of yourself?”

Jaebeom punches Moonbin’s desk hard with both fists, it makes a loud noise and he feels like his fingers are on fire. It doesn’t intimidate Moonbin at all but the other guy runs to his side as if to tell Jaebeom to back off, he doesn’t. “How much does he owe you?”

“ _ He _ needs to pay. If the money comes from you I don’t care. But he needs to do it. I want to know he had to beg you, he had to suck you off for a few thousand wons. You know, I want him to really earn it,” Moonbin isn’t smirking or laughing anymore. There is fire in his eyes, as if the thought of Youngjae suffering to pay him is all he is living for. As if he craves for it. 

Jaebeom feels so much worse for avoiding Youngjae. For leaving him alone to whatever is it that he has to deal with. “You know I could call the police right now and end this for him. Wouldn’t you rather just accept the money?”

“We take cash only--” the short boy starts but is interrupted by Moonbin. 

“And what will you say? You need evidence, not just cry to them about me not telling where your whore is. Now fuck off, I’ve had enough of looking at you,” finally Moonbin gets up from his chair, slamming his hands on the desk and staring at Jaebeom as if daring him to do anything different from what he just told him to do. 

Jaebeom can’t leave like this, he won’t be able to live with himself knowing he is leaving Youngjae’s freedom and safety in this boy’s hands. “Here’s my card,” he puts it on the desk, hating that he has to be rational about it and not just break everything. Put this building down with his own hands. “You want your money? You call me,”

“It’s not the money I want,” he says defiantly. Jaebeom wants to spit on his face, he is disgusting, everything about him is. 

He leaves the place feeling like he didn’t do anything to help Youngjae. He doesn’t even understand how he can be so desperate to help the boy when a few weeks ago he didn’t want to ever see him again. 

But reading all that information on him, again and again, shifted something inside Jaebeom. He only felt betrayed now because he didn’t understand everything, because he wasn’t able to put the pieces together with so many others missing. He felt betrayed because he didn’t know what to do, he had his hands tied and he couldn’t help Youngjae. It was the only thing he wanted, to help him, to keep him safe. 

The days passed, and as much as Jaebeom hoped he would be able to talk to Youngjae before his birthday it didn’t happen. There was nothing he could do about it. Moonbin didn’t call him about the money. And even though Jaebeom also gave his card to Youngjae’s neighbor she didn’t call either. 

It was tiring, calling Youngjae every night, and never having him picking it up. In the beginning, Jaebeom would feel relieved to leave him voice messages because it was like talking to him but soon he started to feel more and more helpless. Youngjae obviously wasn’t going to call him back or pick up. If he ran away from Moonbin, Jaebeom would be happy for him but he didn’t want Youngjae to live like this. Running. Scared. He wanted him to be truly free. 

Free and happy. It was all he wanted for Youngjae. 

Jaebeom cried on Youngjae’s birthday. He hasn’t cried about it since the night Bomi comforted him. He was dealing with it a little better but it hurt more on him to imagine Youngjae not being well than the thought of being lied to. This was way worse to take in. 

  
  
  


After Jaebeom assumed the position as the managing director his life turned into an even bigger mess than it already was. He barely had time for anything and it was making him feel more and more guilty, his mother and Seolhyun’s helped him a lot with Bomi but Jaebeom wanted her to spend more time at home. It wasn’t healthy for kids to spend most of the day going from a place to another. 

Jaebeom wanted to hire someone to take care of her, she wasn’t a baby but he wouldn’t leave her alone at the apartment. But it was proving to be too hard to convince her grandmas that it was the best option. With everything at work and at home, it was harder for Jaebeom to keep looking for Youngjae. It was also too tiring to keep calling him and just hear his own voice talk back to him. 

“Mr. Lim, there is a sir here who would like to speak to you,” Dahyun, his personal secretary, said after a soft knock. Jaebeom looked at her then looked down at his schedule notebook to see if he forgot about any appointments. “He doesn’t have an appointment, but he is really insistent. He is not a businessman of any kind… I can call security if you would prefer,”

She says the last part after closing the door behind her and making sure whoever is outside can’t hear her. Normally, Jaebeom wouldn’t see anyone without an appointment. No exceptions, but it makes him curious and he tells Dahyun to let the man in. 

It takes Jaebeom about two seconds to recognize the boy in front of him, it’s the short boy that was with Moonbin the other day. He looks completely out of place in Jaebeom’s office, even a little fidget. 

“What do you need…” Jaebeom has no idea what his name is. But he makes sure he looks open and friendly. If this boy is here is probably about Youngjae, and it’s not like he has anyone giving him information about the boy. 

“Mr. Lim Jaebeom, managing director,” he reads the desk plate then looks up at Jaebeom. “It’s about 160 million, up to this month Youngjae’s debt is 160 million. It will go up next month,”

“What?” Jaebeom doesn’t understand why he would come here tell him that, and he understands even less how in hell would Youngjae be in debt like this. “And you are telling me because you think I will just give you all this money?”

“I’m not an idiot, and neither are you,” the boy rolls his eyes and then he looks a little more like the young boy he is. “It’s just because I’m seeing Youngjae around again, and Moonbin… I don’t know, I think he is getting angrier. I don’t care for what he does to anyone not really, but we grew up in the same place at the same time. And I don’t know man, I just don’t think Youngjae deserves this shit.”

“What do you mean Moonbin is getting angrier,” Jaebeom is excited about the part the boy said he saw Youngjae around. He wants to know more but first, he has to understand why exactly he is worried. 

“I guess you make him jealous. Anyways, I have no idea what you can do about it, Moonbin won’t take your money but I thought I’d let you know,” and just like that he gets up and starts to leave. Jaebeom tries to get more from him but he just asks the man to not tell anyone he was there. 

Jaebeom isn’t even sure he should trust the boy. It could all be some sort of messed up plan to get Jaebeom’s money. But it doesn’t feel like it, he seemed genuinely worried something might happen to Youngjae. And he can’t decide to ignore something like that. 

He wonders about what is the right thing to do now. 160 million won is a lot of money, Jaebeom can’t just give it away as if it’s nothing. But if it would really help Youngjae, if it would make the boy free and never get beaten up again he would do it. Jaebeom just needs to be sure it would save him and then he would do it, no questions asked.

It’s not like he didn’t know he was madly in love before but the realization that he wouldn’t mind giving all this money to that boy in order to give Youngjae peace hits Jaebeom in a different way. He spends a lot of time in his office not getting any job done, just thinking about the situation. ‘Till Dahyun knocks saying it’s really late and she has to go, Jaebeom apologizes feeling so embarrassed he forgot about the hour and was already so late in the night. He would give her a day off later. 

It’s dark outside, and Jaebeom has to pick Bomi, this is really becoming a pain in the ass. He knows sometimes she just wants to be at home and not waiting for him. Still, he lets his mom know he will get there later tonight, makes something up about a meeting, and drives to Youngjae’s place. He has made up his mind. If it’s the right thing to do or not, he doesn’t care, he will just go after him. 

Jaebeom goes up the stairs faster than he ever did. He wonders why Youngjae’s neighbor didn’t call him. Maybe she didn’t trust him enough to do so. Jaebeom just hopes Youngjae is really back. 

There is a playground on his way that is usually full of kids on the weekends but empty at nights like this one. Jaebeom never paid much attention to it, but this time his eyes go to the swigs and there is someone there. The night is so cold, Jaebeom can’t understand what someone would be doing alone in a swing, and it’s not a kid or he would offer help. Jaebeom almost ignores it, but he notices the jacket the boy is wearing. 

Even though is late and dark, Jaebeom knows that jacket because he was the one who paid for it. He stays frozen in place, he is sure that it is Youngjae but he doesn’t know if he should go there. It doesn’t make sense, that’s the exact reason why he came here, to see Youngjae but seeing him even from afar leaves Jaebeom so scared of what might happen. 

He is pretty sure he will fuck up things even more between them if he goes there. But he can’t just not go there. He can’t let his chance slide and just go on with his life. 

Jaebeom walks slowly to the playground, he doesn’t want to startle Youngjae in any way so he goes the other way to make sure the boy will be able to see him coming and not just see him when he is at his back. 

It’s not much use because Youngjae is looking down, so he can’t really see Jaebeom. Jaebeom on the other hand can see the boy well. He looks the same but different, Jaebeom can’t spot what really changed, maybe it’s because the last time they were together Youngjae was really happy. On their date, he was happy most of the time and he would smile at everything Jaebeom would say, now he is looking down and he looks completely off. 

“Am I disturbing?” He finally says when he stands in front of Youngjae and the boy notices him, it’s not like he can continue lost in thoughts now that he was seen. 

“Ahjussi,” Youngjae’s voice lacks emotion. Jaebeom can’t sense if he is happy, surprised, or annoyed to see him. He would like to read him but it’s even harder than before. “What are you doing here?”

Jaebeom sits at the vacant swing beside Youngjae, so they are at the same level. From this angle he can see Youngjae’s hurt fingers, and can see how there are some old bruises on his face again. He feels like leaving straight to Monnbin’s building but can’t. He tries to focus on Youngjae for now. “What do you mean what I’m doing here? I’ve been looking for you. I have called several times, haven’t you listened to my messages?”

“I have not,” Youngjae admits easily. Jaebeom knew he was being ignored but it seems he was being even more ignored than he thought. 

“Why not,” 

“Because!” Youngjae exclaims loudly, startling Jaebeom with the change in his tone. But then he goes back to being quieter, “don’t you hate me now? Why would I want to hear you telling me that? I don’t. I was scared,”

“I don’t… I don’t hate you,” Jaebeom doesn’t even sound like himself. His voice is weak and he thinks not very genuine. But it’s so obvious he doesn’t hate Youngjae, to think that’s what Youngjae has been believing for a while now puts him off. 

He doesn’t know how to keep going. Youngjae was scared of what he would hear on Jaebeom’s messages and it’s so ridiculous considering it was just the man begging for him to talk to him. It was just Jaebeom begging to get anything from him. 

“What did you do on your birthday? I wanted to see you,” Jaebeom admits, he feels his face burning in embarrassment but it’s not like Youngjae wouldn’t be able to find out about it if he decided to listen to the voice messages. “I missed you--”

“Can you stop acting as if I left you? You would leave me anyway, I was just doing you a favor. You don’t have to come here because you feel sorry for me or something, just forget about me,” the words are angry but they don’t sound angry. Jaebeom has no idea how Youngjae manages that. 

“What?” He chuckles at the stupidity of what he just heard. “Do you think I can just forget about you? Youngjae-yah, I think about you all the time, I care so much about you, and it’s honestly worrying to what extends I’d go for you,”

“And why would you think about me or care about me, why would you do anything for me?” Youngjae looks at him and it has been a while since their eyes met like this, Jaebeom thinks his memory couldn’t do it justice. It’s way more intense and it takes his breath away, “don’t do these things, Ahjussi. I’m not worth them, I don’t want you to waste your time on me,”

“Would you stop this? I’m not gonna lie, I want to understand what happened to you, I need to in order for it to work. But it doesn’t change how I feel. Why do you want it to change?” There is desperation in Jaebeom’s voice but he just can’t be sent away. He can’t have Youngjae telling him to stop just now that he decided he will stay no matter what. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved, it was wrong. There’s nothing I can do about it but apologize,”

“It doesn’t matter, it has already changed. The moment you read those things it changed, I’m sorry you are trying to hold on to me. I don’t know the reason you are doing this but you don’t have to,” Jaebeom is about to protest but Youngjae keeps going. 

They are still looking at each other and it makes it hard for Jaebeom to stop anything he is saying when he looks so broken like that. 

“Every time people find out things change, then they are sorry and they try to be overly nice to me just like how you are doing. This is the only thing I didn’t want to happen. For you to see me in a different way, but it’s too late. So please, Ahjussi, just let it go,”

“I can’t,” Jaebeom’s voice is shaky, he knows he will cry at any moment and it’s what he is trying not to do. But he really can’t, before all the things he found out he was already decided to not keep things going with Youngjae, he was so dumb and naive at the time, it’s clear that he can’t do it. He can’t stay away. “It’s not because I feel sorry, it’s because… just because I can’t let go of you,”

“I’m tired, I’ll go home,” Youngjae says getting out of the swing but he doesn’t walk away just yet. “Ahjussi, I don’t want to be rude, I’m just trying to not hurt you,”

“You are hurting me though. Every time you leave, you hurt me,” Jaebeom gets up as well, and standing next to Youngjae is so different from just sitting. It’s been too long since they were this close physically, he doesn’t feel like ever moving again. “Can’t we just not hurt each other anymore?”

“I don’t know how to do it when I stay, I really don’t. I mean, I just know how to protect you if I’m not around,” Youngjae turns his head to the other side, the moment is so tense all Jaebeom can hear is their breathing, nothing else around them.

Youngjae looks ethereal under the moonlight, there are also the yellow lights from the light poles, it makes him look like some kind of angel. Everything about him is perfect. Jaebeom is mesmerized by his skin, by the way the lights hit it, even by his moles. But now he can also see the bruises better. It pains him. 

Jaebeom is in love with him. It’s not the first time he came to that conclusion, but at this moment he is more certain than ever. He needs to be with him. “I can show you how,” Jaebeom softly turns Youngjae’s face back to him, holding his chin. 

He waits for Youngjae to say something to maybe push him away but he doesn’t. He just looks at Jaebeom with big bright eyes as if trying to believe what the other says. 

Jaebeom’s hand finds its way to his cheek slowly and then his other hand does as well. They have never been this close before, Jaebeom can feel Youngjae’s breath on his lips, there is no turning back from this feeling now. He maps Youngjae’s entire face to any kind of sign that would say ‘no’, but when he finds his eyes they are already on Jaebeom’s lips. Really, he can’t turn back from this.

Instead of leaning in, Jaebeom pulls Youngjae closer, caresses his cheeks with his fingers. Youngjae puts his arms around his shoulders and holds on to them as if he just needs the support. There’s not much else Jaebeom can do. He brings Youngjae to him, sealing their lips together in a chaste kiss. 

It can’t last more than a second before Jaebeom pulls away and stares right at Youngjae. The boy has his eyes closed so Jaebeom waits for him to look back at him, he stares at every detail of his face, the moles, the cute nose, the long eyelashes, and at the soft pink on his cheeks. He is lost in it ‘till he notices Youngjae already has his eyes open again.

“You just have to stay,” Jaebeom finally says, he waits for an answer because he needs it. Needs to know if Youngjae will stay with him. 

Youngjae leans in and kisses him again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- hi i was really insecure about this chapter but shout out to Ju for cheering me up, it was really effective and when i reread it before posting i really liked it 100% more and now im confident with my choices. so thx Ju  
> \- everyone i hope you enoyed, it felt right to make it happen now it realy did so here we are  
> \- oh btw dahyun is the secretary bc once i wrote it in one fic and i wanted to do it again one day she will be jayb best friend !! bye
> 
> ps: they are not dating now 🙄


	9. With me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now if you didn't expect an update today neither did i.. no idea how it happened but now pls have it

One of the hardest things Jaebeom has ever had to do in his life was letting go of Youngjae. He knew the boy wasn’t upset because he had to leave, Jaebeom explained to him he had to pick Bomi up and take her home. Youngjae said it was alright and Jaebeom believed him, he was the one who didn’t want to let go of the boy. He didn’t even think about letting Bomi spend the night at his parents’, he just wanted a few more minutes with Youngjae. 

The problem was that it was already late and his phone wouldn’t stop buzzing in his pocket. Jaebeom knew he had to go and he knew it wasn’t a big deal. Still, it was making him anxious, it was a mix of longing to be with Youngjae after so long, wanting to kiss him the entire night, and the worry of leaving the boy alone. 

Not like it would be the first time Youngjae was left alone, he has been living like this for a long time now. But whenever Jaebeom looked at his face he would see proof that he wasn’t safe there. Jaebeom knew he wouldn’t be able to be with Youngjae all the time and keep him safe, he had to do more than that. It was all messing with Jaebeom’s head and he really didn’t want to leave once they reached Youngjae’s single room. 

Youngjae had already unlocked the door and he was looking at Jaebeom as if expecting the man to leave. It was a little awkward, it has never been awkward like this between them, Jaebeom didn’t think it would get awkward now. They didn’t talk at all after their shared kiss, sure Jaebeom explained the reason why he had to leave in a hurry and made Youngjae promise he would call if anything happened to him, but that was all, he wanted more. 

They didn’t talk about the kiss or about the fact that they haven’t seen each other in months. This is not something they can do now, and obviously, a kiss wouldn’t solve their problems but Jaebeom wished it would. They walked the short distance to Youngjae’s place in silence, and if before they would hold hands for no reason this time they wouldn’t even look at each other. 

It made Jaebeom want to scream, he was so frustrated, a few minutes ago he felt on cloud nine, doesn’t remember ever feeling like that because of someone else and now he didn’t even know if they were alright. 

“So, when are we seeing each other again?” It’s not like Jaebeom could leave without knowing for sure. He couldn’t risk leaving and then not being able to contact Youngjae again. 

“Just call me, I swear I’ll answer this time,” Youngjae gives him a small smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Jaebeom is about to stay a little longer just so he can make sure he didn’t cross any line nor ruined things between them, but then Youngjae squeezes his arm, it only lasts a second but it’s enough. “Don’t leave your daughter waiting, I’m really going to answer when you call, Ahjussi.”

It makes Jaebeom feel a little better, he nods and Youngjae smiles at him once more. All Jaebeom wanted to do was to lean in and kiss Youngjae again, before he can come to a conclusion if it’s the right decision to do or not the boy bids him goodbye and closes the door. 

Jaebeom is a little disappointed as he drives to his parents’ home but then he remembers the soft touch of Youngjae’s lips against his own. It was way more than he thought he would get, it was more than he deserves after what he pulled as well. 

Sure, Jaebeom was hurt and confused but it wasn’t an excuse for him to shut Youngjae down the way he did. Even though Youngjae seems to be pretty understanding about it, it’s pretty clear that he was still hurt by it. 

Jaebeom couldn’t expect things to go back to the way they were before, it wasn’t what he wanted either way. He wanted way more than that, this time he really wanted to be with Youngjae. Having kissed the boy was reassuring, at least it didn’t look like Youngjae was opposed to the idea of being with him and he even promised to answer Jaebeom’s calls. It wasn’t that bad. He wouldn’t act as if things were perfect between them now but Jaebeom can positively look at it and see that this is way better than what he had before. 

His thoughts are interrupted once he finally gets to his destination, as soon as Jaebeom steps foot in his parents’ living room Bomi is walking out of the house, going straight to his car. Jaebeom raises an eyebrow at his mother, but it’s his father who explains she has been moody all day and it only got aggravated by Jaebeom’s lateness. 

They make their way home in silence, Jaebeom thinks it’s better like this. He hopes Bomi will be less angry if she has some time with her own thoughts, it’s not what happens. She slams the car door shut and does the same to the door of her room as well. Jaebeom has to remind himself he was a difficult kid too and he only got worse with time. This is normal. He can deal with it.

“Living room in five,” is all Jaebeom says after knocking at her door. He sits on the couch and waits. Bomi knows she will be in trouble if she doesn’t do as she was told so she stomps her way to the couch, but only when her time is about to run out. 

“What? It’s late and I have school in the morning in case you forgot,” if it was someone else’s kid Jaebeom would think she is funny talking like a moody teenager, but it’s his daughter he can’t be amused by her misbehavior. 

“Cut the attitude, what is wrong with you?” Usually, he would pamper her up so it takes her by surprise when he doesn’t. Still, she doesn’t say anything, just looks to the ground, she isn’t embarrassed, just angry. “I’m sorry I left you waiting for so long I had things to attend to,”

“It’s not-- dad, I’m tired of spending all day at grandma’s every single day. She doesn’t let me go out with my friends and now she won’t even let me watch TV in the afternoon is all about homework,” Bomi starts out angrily, her arms moving in every direction but Jaebeom can hear the struggle in her voice. She is really upset. “I don’t wanna go to America, sorry I was mean but she is really annoying,”

“Hey, baby, I won’t send you anywhere. Get it?” It’s not like Jaebeom hasn’t picked up on the fact that Bomi won’t complain about things that are obviously annoying her because she is scared of the outcoming. But Jaebeom can’t have his daughter always afraid of him leaving her, this is not a new thing but it always hurts. “You will stay here with me no matter what,”

Bomi just shrugs, it makes Jaebeom feel terribly guilty. He pulls her in so he can hug her side and kiss the top of her head, again he is left in silence with someone he loves without knowing what to do. 

“I’m really sorry, Bommie… how do you think we can solve this?” Jaebeom has a few ideas himself but he still wants to hear from her first. Sure enough, his words are all it takes for his daughter to jump to her feet, she stands in front of him with bright eyes. 

“I’m big now, I can come home by myself, I don’t need anyone to take care of me,” she is almost yelling the words, so excitedly as if it would ever be an option. 

“That’s a hard no--” and she is already whining. “I was thinking of hiring someone to pick you up from school and staying with you ‘till I get home,”

“Like a babysitter? Dad, I’m twelve now! People don’t have babysitters at twelve!” 

Jaebeom wants to roll his eyes at the way she says it but he remembers that for her she is an adult even though she is far from it. “She would just take care of you while I’m away. I won’t be away that much, I will try to work more from home from now on.”

Bomi doesn’t look like she believes him, Jaebeom knows no one believes him when he says that but he really feels like this is something he should have done a long time ago. He can’t stop his work at the office completely, and now he really has to be there most of the time. But if he tries it he probably can manage more time at home at least a few days a week. He is already planning on asking for Dahyun’s help so he can spend more time at home. 

After some convincing it’s also decided he will look for someone to stay with Bomi, she is pleased with it as if it was her idea in the first place. The hardest part will be explaining it to her grandmas but after all, it’s Jaebeom’s decision to make and he knows what is best for his daughter. He gets a goodnight kiss from Bomi, even though he scolds her about calling his mother annoying. It makes Jaebeom feel more at ease. At least a little. 

He is already in bed fighting his thoughts, hoping he will get some sleep tonight but it’s useless. Jaebeom just wants to call Youngjae, he needs to. A part of him comes up with a bunch of excuses on why it wouldn’t be so weird or creepy, but it’s all stupid, the biggest part of him just doesn’t care. 

Still, when he finally makes the decision to call Youngjae he is sure nothing will come from it. Jaebeom is used to it by now, so even though he hopes he doesn’t even expect it when he hears Youngjae’s hoarse voice on the other end of the call. 

“Why are you still up, Ahjussi?” He sounds so sleepy, Jaebeom isn’t sure if he woke him up, but this time he picked up so quickly so he doubts it. 

“Can’t sleep,” Jaebeom admits quietly, his heart so loud in the quiet room he is grateful Youngjae isn’t there with him. “Can’t stop thinking about you,” it’s almost a whisper but he knows Youngjae caught that. 

It’s hard to say the words but soon Jaebeom realizes it’s not as hard as it would be if he had to say it to Youngjae’s face. Talking about his feelings over the phone it’s way easier, even though he can’t see Youngjae’s reaction, it’s easier to let it out. 

“Im worried about you there all alone, I don’t know if you are safe or if at any second that bastard will break in and--”

“He won’t, you don’t need to worry over it,” Youngjae assures him but he still sounds a little off. “You can go to sleep, Ahjussi, I’m fine,”

“You’re always telling me not to worry… you do realize I can’t just not do it, right?” At that Youngjae doesn’t say anything, Jaebeom isn’t sure if it’s because he doesn’t believe him or because he just doesn’t know what to say. “I want to see you as soon as possible, can we have dinner tomorrow?”

“Oh, you missed me so much, didn’t you? So desperate to see me again,” Youngjae jokes. 

“I did. It probably wasn’t the same for you, it was probably easier for you to stay away, but you were all I had in my mind. I missed you so much, Youngjae-yah. Missed you all the time,” again Youngjae goes quiet. Jaebeom is worried he is being too much, maybe the comfort of the phone is making him come off as overly obsessed, he doesn’t know, but maybe calling him wasn’t the best idea. 

“We can have dinner tomorrow,” he finally says, ignoring completely what Jaebeom said about missing him. He doesn’t know how to feel about it, Youngjae doesn’t sound mad or weirded out, but of course, he can’t be sure of it without even seeing his face. “Just text me the where and I’ll be there,”

“Okay… I should let you sleep now,” Jaebeom doubts he will be able to fall asleep himself. He doesn’t know if he regrets calling because now he is even more unsure of Youngjae’s feelings but at the same time he got a dinner date. It’s confusing, to say the least. So, overthinking it’s all he will have tonight. 

“You don’t have to-- don’t hang up. Just, can you stay in line even if we are silent?” It’s the softest Youngjae has been all night, even when things seemed alright and he kissed Jaebeom back he hadn’t sounded like this. 

Jaebeom doesn’t know why he would want to stay in line but he agrees to it, then Youngjae doesn’t say anything more but he is still there. Jaebeom can hear him moving around and he gets overly conscious about his own movements, he lies still ‘till his body starts aching and he has to get up to pee. When he gets back to bed Jaebeom doesn’t care that much anymore, and to his surprise falling asleep is not as hard as he thought it would be. 

He can hear Youngjae’s soft breathing from time to time and it wasn’t something he ever thought he would want, at least not over the phone, but it soothes him. It makes sleep come easily to Jaebeom. His phone is overheating when he wakes up in the morning and Jaebeom almost doesn’t want to end the call but he needs to get to work and Youngjae is probably still asleep. 

Bomi works like a detective trying to get him to spill why he has been smiling weirdly all the way to school, with a bunch of theories. Jaebeom didn’t even realize he had been smiling this much. Not even the load of work he had to do was enough to ruin his mood. He was probably creeping Dahyun out with the way he was acting but she didn’t comment on it. 

They had a short meeting just the two of them so Jaebeom could ask her to look up babysitter agencies but mostly so they could discuss and come up with a plan to reduce Jaebeom’s working hours at the office. Dahyun had agreed to help him and to work with him at his apartment when necessary, Jaebeom felt a little guilty but she assured him it was part of her job since she was his personal secretary and that it wasn’t a problem. 

It felt like things would finally work out now, at least it seemed like they would, even if it wouldn’t be as easy as he expected it to be at least now Jaebeom had a plan to follow. He had to skip lunch in order to get more work done before the weekend and start organizing what he could do at home and what he couldn’t. It was worth it, it also prevented him from calling Youngjae again. All Jaebeom did was text him, just to let him know they would have dinner at his apartment. 

At first, it was Jaebeom’s first idea because he wasn’t about to let Bomi alone or at his parents’ again, they would just eat together, and then he would find a way to send her to her room. But the first thing she did in the morning was to remind him she was going to Chaeryeong’s house. Jaebeom didn’t mind it much but it was hell to convince his mother to let the girl go to her friend’s straight from school. Jaebeom could understand his daughter’s annoyance at her. 

Still, Jaebeom thought having dinner at home was a good idea. They would be able to talk freely and he hoped it would make Youngjae more comfortable. Even thinking about dinner now was making Jaebeom hungry, he was about to ask Dahyun to bring him something from the cafeteria when she opened his door and gave him a weird fake smile. 

“Mr. Tuan is here to see you,” she probably sees Jaebeom’s surprise and discomfort on his face as she starts apologizing nonstop. 

“It’s okay, Dahyun-ssi. Tell him to come in,” Jaebeom doesn’t know why seeing Mark now makes him feel so nervous all of the sudden. As the man enters his office he feels a bitter taste in his mouth, it only gets worse and Mark goes for a handshake. Jaebeom wants nothing to do with him, even if he was really trying to help when he gave Jaebeom that folder he just made a giant mess. 

Mark made himself comfortable in front of Jaebeom, his smile was bright and he even apologized for coming without an appointment. “I was in Seoul to solve some family problems so I decided to drop by. I believe you wanted to see me,”

“Because of the email?” Jaebeom asks not believing Mark is showing up after so long because of that, but the man nods it makes Jaebeom roll his eyes not even caring for being discreet. “I asked you to call me, which you didn’t. It has also been a while, hasn’t it? You work under me now, shouldn’t you call me when I tell you to?”

Mark is clearly surprised by his tone, Jaebeom doesn’t care, he wants to remind him he is the one in charge now. “Sorry, I… I was busy and since you didn’t contact me again it didn’t occur to me to call,”

“So why did it occur to you to come here now?” Jaebeom isn’t even embarrassed by how much he is enjoying seeing Mark so uncomfortable. 

“Wanted to pay the new managing director a visit, to congratulate you. I knew you could do it, I’m proud,”

“Oh, I see. That’s why I wanted to see you in the first place. I heard you wanted this position and you were going to get it if it wasn’t for me, how is that?” Mark doesn’t say anything, he is obviously taken aback. Jaebeom feels victorious, it’s not the easiest task to know something Mark doesn’t, to use anything against him. “What I wanted to know is why if you wanted this position you were trying to help me. Or were you trying to harm me,”

Mark is quiet for so long Jaebeom thinks he won’t have anything to say to it. His shocked face gives space to a smirk Jaebeom believes it’s supposed to make him look as if he doesn’t care. “Can you blame me? I gave my life to this company, it's only fair I’d be the managing director and later the CEO. It wasn’t personal, you were just in the way.”

“You didn’t have to do anything against me then. What was even your plan exactly?” It makes sense to Jaebeom that Mark was desperate for the position and that was the only solution he found. Get Jaebeom out of the way but he doesn’t understand how, he has no idea what Mark was going to do since it’s clear whatever he planned didn’t work out for him. “So, what? Nothing worked after all?”

“Let’s say… my plans turned against me and in your favor,” Mark laughs, shaking his head. “It’s funny if you think about it, the person who was supposed to help me ended up helping you,”

“Who? What are you talking about?” Jaebeom knows Mark won’t give everything away that easily, he won’t tell him his plan or whoever is that person who seems to have helped Jaebeom. But he doesn’t think he got any help, anyway, it’s probably another lie. “I’m giving you a chance to come clean, if you don’t I’ll report--”

“And why haven’t you already reported me already? It’s been a long time, you have nothing on me other than those meets but that doesn’t prove anything… so I advise you to look for something that can incriminate me or to not bother at all. Maybe a spy would help?”

Jaebeom rolls his eyes again, he doesn’t know if the whole spying thing was something Mark made up to scare him or if he was the one who hired someone to spy on Jaebeom. He doubts Mark will tell him anything, it wouldn’t be smart to do so. 

“So, we are clear on you trying to get me out of the way, you can admit it and expect me to not do anything?” Jaebeom can’t believe Mark, he has always acted as if he was above everyone else but Jaebeom never had to deal with his behavior directed at him. 

“I don’t expect you to not do anything, Jaebeom-ssi. It’s actually good we are on the same page now, I like fair fights better,” he gets to his feet ready to leave Jaebeom’s office, giving him another big smile. But before he leaves he turns around again, “you are not seeing that criminal anymore, right? It wouldn’t be fun if I already had something on you this easily,”

He doesn’t wait for Jaebeom’s reply, not as if Jaebeom would tell him anything. It confuses him, he guesses that’s what Mark was trying to do in the first place, to confuse him. Jaebeom doesn’t think Youngjae has anything to do with it, Mark was obviously referring to him. 

He believes Mark had something against Youngjae, it was probably his past and how close he was to Jaebeom. It wasn’t a well-kept secret. He probably wanted to get Youngjae out of the company that’s why Jaebeom saw them talking. He did show the folder to Jaebeom, it wouldn’t make sense if it wasn’t about it, and maybe he thinks if Jaebeom has any kind of relationship with Youngjae will be harmful to him. But he doesn’t care if it will, he doesn’t care if anyone has anything to say against Youngjae. 

Even if the entire world is against him now Jaebeom won’t care anymore, he will stay by Youngjae’s side. The time away from the boy had just only one good aspect, it helped Jaebeom realize how in love he is and how nothing else matters to him. Youngjae wasn’t considered guilty by the justice, whatever else others think about him it didn’t matter.

Mark made him angry and confused, but the moment he got a text from Youngjae agreeing to meet him at his place, Jaebeom didn’t even think about the man anymore. 

He left work earlier than he usually did these days, so he could get their food. It wasn’t because they would eat at home that Jaebeom would be the one cooking, it would be disastrous and they would end the night hungry. After putting some thought into it, he had decided their dinner would be from the restaurant where they ate after his date with Jackson’s friend. Youngjae had liked the stake there, and Jaebeom had liked that night. It would be perfect. 

Jaebeom is an anxiety ball, maybe he left work too early, got their food too early, and got home way too early as well. He called Chaeryeon’s mom to make sure the girls were alright, they were. Then he took a long shower, spent a long time trying to decide what to do with his hair only for it to air dry on its own, then he spent an even longer time trying to decide what to wear. Jeans and a hoodie seemed way too simple but he was at home, he didn’t want Youngjae to feel uncomfortable. When he looked in the mirror he hated it, Youngjae would hate it too. 

Jaebeom changed outfits more times than he could ever remember doing, settling for black jeans and a black t-shirt. He knew it was a little too tight, but it would be alright, it was a bit too much but he looked good that’s what he was going for. Then he had to put all the clothes back in his closet, not that he thought Youngjae would go to his room, he just had time to spare so he cleaned everything he laid his eye on as well. 

It was almost time for Youngjae to get there, last time he was early. Jaebeom was worried the food wouldn’t taste as good since he had to heat it or everything would be too cold. It didn’t matter though, the food had already gone cold again. Youngjae was late, very late. Jaebeom had walked around the entire house, fixing everything he thought was out of place and still not even sight of the boy. 

Jaebeom had been so hopeful before, even though he was nervous he had hoped things would go well. Now he was about to call Youngjae and beg for him to please show up. Maybe not beg, but Jaebeom decided to call him anyway. Again he thought Youngjae wouldn’t answer but it only rang once before he heard Youngjae’s soft ‘hello’. 

“Are you not coming?” Maybe Jaebeom would beg. 

“I am at the entrance of your building…” Jaebeom is so relieved the boy is there, but he can still notice the nervousness in Youngjae's voice. He waits for him to continue but that’s all he says. 

“Is something wrong? If you are having trouble coming up I can go and get you,” Jaebeom was already at the door, ready to leave the apartment just so he could bring Youngjae to him. 

“No, no. I’m already getting to the elevator, I’ll be right there,” Youngjae hangs up without another word. Jaebeom doesn’t leave the door though, there is no point in doing so. 

Soon enough the boy is knocking at his door, Jaebeom would like to play it cool and wait at least a few seconds to open it for him but he can’t wait anymore. 

“Hey,” he says, trying to smile but it’s really hard when the only thing he can do is stare at Youngjae. 

The boy doesn’t say anything, it’s clear on his face how nervous he is. Jaebeom is nervous too but not like him, he doesn’t understand why Youngjae is behaving the way he is. It’s like he would rather be anywhere else but here with Jaebeom. At the playground he was very firm about them not being together, Jaebeom doesn’t know if he will be able to convince him again. 

He tries to get Youngjae to talk as he heats the food again but all the boy does is nod, he looks around and comments on how big Jaebeom’s apartment is but that’s the only time he says something. He thought it would feel more normal with food, Youngjae always eats well no matter what. But of course, this time he is barely touching it. Watch him pretend to eat in complete silence is pure torture. 

“Is from that restaurant you liked,” Jaebeom’s voice is so cheery, he almost laughs at how fake he sounds. He takes Youngjae’s fork and knife, he isn’t using them anyway, so he can slice the steak for him. “Try it,” 

Youngjae pushes his arm away when Jaebeom tries to feed it to him. “Can we go to the part where we talk already? I can’t do it, can’t sit here pretending everything is okay as if it won’t all be over once we finally talk,”

“What-- what is it about?” Jaebeom just wants them to eat in peace but Youngjae clearly can’t do it. He pushes the chair so he can get up, he takes two steps but then he stops, crossing his arms but never looking at Jaebeom. 

“We need to talk, you said it yourself. If we want things to work between us you need to know the things I’ve done, and listen I don’t know why I agreed to it but it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter,” Youngjae is speaking so fast it’s hard for Jaebeom to make sense of every word leaving his mouth. “You already know, weren’t you mad at me? Why are we even doing this again?”

“I was,” even though Youngjae was the one who disappeared, Jaebeom was mad at him and he knew it. He didn’t want to see Youngjae, and didn't want him in his life anymore. He never said that to Youngjae but he thinks it was very clear either way. “Youngjae-yah, I know I hurt you, I know I messed up and I’m really sorry. I just want to be with you, all that isn’t more important than being with you.”

“You don’t have to apologize, y’know? I’m just trying to say that we already know how you will react to the things I’ve done, why are we doing this now… it’s just we looking for ways to hurt each other again,” Jaebeom thought Youngjae was very defensive, maybe even angry before. But now he only sees a hurt kid in front of him, Youngjae’s arms aren’t crossed over his chest, he is more hugging himself than anything.

“Can we try it though? I swear I won’t walk away, I’ll just listen to you,” but Youngjae shakes his head, doesn’t give in. Jaebeom really can’t take him looking so hurt. “Trust me… the things I thought before… I don’t think like that anymore. I just want you to tell me the truth from your perspective, just so we can put it behind us,”

“I almost killed a man, in fact, he died in prison later, because of me. He died because of me, I believe we can say I killed a man, is that good enough?” His voice shakes but he keeps going, when he looks at Jaebeom he looks so broken. “I was sent to some kind of orphanage, one for troubled kids, and I grew up there. That’s it,” 

Jaebeom didn’t know the man Youngjae stabbed had been sent to prison, didn’t know he had died there. But all the rest he knew, what Youngjae left unsaid was that he was considered innocent. Even though Jaebeom knew it from the start, back then it didn’t change the way he felt as if he couldn’t trust Youngjae, so he understands why the boy doesn’t think it’s important either. 

“You were trying to defend yourself, weren’t you? It wasn’t your fault,” Jaebeom tries but Youngjae only mumbles a ‘whatever’, as if this is really not important. “I won’t have it, I’m sorry but if we are going to be honest with each other you need to explain to me what happened,”

“He was hurting my sister… he was the owner of the house where we lived, we didn’t have money to pay for it and when I got home from school he was beating her up. Ahjussi…” Youngjae looks at him again, Jaebeom wishes he knew what the look in his eyes meant but he couldn’t read them. This time Youngjae doesn’t look away when he speaks again, “I thought he was going to kill her, so I got a knife that was laying in the sink and I stabbed him. There was-- there was a lot of blood, I--”

Youngjae can’t keep going, he isn’t crying but he sounds like he is. It probably hurts him having to talk about it, Jaebeom feels guilty but he can’t see them moving forward if they don’t clear this up. Still, he feels bad seeing the way Youngjae struggles to let the words out, the way he is embarrassed by something that wasn’t his fault. Because it really wasn’t, he had to do it. Youngjae had to do it to save his sister, he was just a kid and he didn’t know a better way to help the only family he had left. 

Jaebeom knew it was self-defense a long time ago, but hearing Youngjae tell him how it went makes him feel so guilty for judging him. When he read the folder Jaebeom thought there wasn’t a world where a kid stabbing someone could be acceptable, what he can’t accept right now is knowing Youngjae was all alone and doing that was the only solution he found. Youngjae shouldn’t have to go through something like that. 

“I’m sorry it happened to you,” Jaebeom says tentatively. They aren’t standing very far from each other, still, he takes a step closer just so he can have a better look at his face, just so the boy can feel his warmth. “I’m sorry you were all alone and you didn’t have another option. I’m sorry you were sent away for protecting your sister,”

A few tears roll down Youngjae’s face but he doesn’t make a sound, just stares at Jaebeom for a long time as he cries. He looks like he wants to say something more but he can’t. This time Jaebeom closes all the distance between them, he hugs Youngjae, wrapping the boy in his arms. Youngjae doesn’t push him off but he doesn’t try to hug him back either. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Jaebeom is sorry for the life Youngjae had, the way it obviously still haunts him, but he is also sorry for the way he acted. He is so embarrassed but he doesn’t know if saying it out loud is the best thing to do right now, he wants to do it another time, to explain to Youngjae why it was his first reaction. Youngjae is too emotional right now, it wouldn’t do him any good. 

“Stop saying you are sorry,” Youngjae’s words are muffled on his neck, but he can still understand them. “Stop hugging me too, aren’t you scared of me?”

“Why would I be scared of you?” Jaebeom hugs him tighter, Youngjae isn’t trying to break away from him, even though he sounds like he isn’t pleased with the hug he doesn’t try to stop it. “I’m in love with you. I’m not scared, I just regret the way things happened, but I’m glad you are here now and we get another chance,”

Youngjae muffles something again but this time it’s impossible for Jaebeom to understand what he said, he asks the boy to repeat it but it’s even worse he can only hear a low noise coming from the back of his throat. 

“What was it,” so he pushes himself away just enough to look at Youngjae’s face, keeping his arms around the boy. The tears on his face have dried up, but his cheeks are still very red. 

“It doesn’t matter. Are you not mad? Are you not scared, really?” 

“I’m only mad at myself for making you talk about it. It was stupid,” he really should have thought about it better, it wasn’t as if he didn’t know most of it already. Youngjae should be allowed to tell him about his past on his own terms, at his own pace. Jaebeom has to stop himself from saying he is sorry again. “Can I say I’m sorry for the time I wasted, though? I missed you so much, I should have come to you earlier,”

“It’s okay. Really it wasn’t your fault, please don’t apologize anymore. It’s really, really okay,” Youngjae blinks at him slowly then he gives Jaebeom a small smile. This time it wasn’t forced, it’s a genuine smile, Jaebeom missed it so much. He wants to kiss it away, but he is back to not knowing if he is allowed to do that. “You know, I’m really hungry… the nerves wouldn’t let me eat but now I can only think about that steak,”

“‘M right here in front of you and you can only think about the dumb steak?” Jaebeom pouts, making Youngjae roll his eyes. He looks like himself again as if he wasn’t crying his eyes out less than five minutes ago. “Okay, let me heat it up for the third time tonight,”

It’s not really a bother to do so, Jaebeom is hungry too. He is watching the food spin through the glass when feels Youngjae’s warm body hugging his back. Jaebeom goes very stiff then, he wasn’t expecting it, he wasn’t expecting anything really. Youngjae kisses his neck, not caring about how unresponsive Jaebeom is, he probably knows Jaebeom wouldn’t be able to do anything even if he wanted to. The kisses keep coming, lips resting over his skin for longer every time, ‘till the food is ready and he jumps back. 

Jaebeom wants to break the microwave but he just acts as if he isn’t bothered, as if the thing didn’t just ruin the best sensation he has felt in years. Youngjae acts as if nothing happened as well, Jaebeom would think it was only his imagination if it wasn’t for how wet Youngjae’s lips were. 

They sat down to eat again, and it definitely didn’t taste as good as it did when they ate at the restaurant, but Jaebeom didn’t think the food would resist being microwaved these many times anyway. Youngjae still eats as if it’s the best food in the world, Jaebeom feels butterflies in his stomach as he watches him. He doesn’t care for how dry his food is. 

After they finish their food they don’t feel like moving, Youngjae complains about being too full so they just stay there. Jaebeom wants to know how Youngjae is making money if he found a new job or not. He didn’t. At least not a real job, he says he’s been helping his friend who works fixing computers, and sometimes he works at the coffee shop near his place. Just only they need him. 

Jaebeom feels bad, he knows Youngjae needs money. They still haven’t talked about the money he owes to Moonbin, Jaebeom wants to solve it as soon as possible, he just doesn’t want to bring it up yet. He offers to hire Youngjae again, even though he knows it isn’t a good idea if they want to keep doing whatever it is that they are doing, but Youngjae doesn’t even consider it. 

It’s for the best, Jaebeom knows it’s for the best that they don’t work together but when Youngjae says it’s getting late and he needs to go home it freaks the man out. He really doesn’t want Youngjae going back to that place. 

“You can stay. I mean I have a spare room so you can spend the night here, not with me just… here. I don’t want you to go,” it’s not a lie, Jaebeom wants to stay with him for longer but more than that he wants the peace of knowing Youngjae is safe and sound. 

“Hum,” Youngjae looks around then back at Jaebeom and nods. “Okay, can we go to your living room now, though? This chair is killing me,”

“Yeah, come on,” he takes Youngjae’s hand on his own and guides him to the couch. They agree on watching something together, none of them wanting to go to separate rooms just yet. 

The moment Jaebeom starts looking for something on Netflix Youngjae is already glued to his side, at first it’s just that, and it’s already hard for Jaebeom to concentrate. But then Youngjae leaves a kiss on Jaebeom’s neck again, he does his best to ignore it but clearly that’s not what Youngjae wants him to do. He drops another kiss, then another, then Jaebeom can feel his tongue touching his skin, making things too hot for him. That’s just about all he can take without doing anything. 

Jaebeom wraps his arm around Youngjae so he can press his body even more against his own, he waits for the next kiss, it comes and again it’s just so wet. He turns his head after a while so he can look at Youngjae, he looks sinful, if his lips looked good and wet the first time he did it now they look even better, they are so full and pink. Youngjae’s eyes are also so dark, it’s an invitation if Jaebeom has ever seen one. 

All Jaebeom has to do is pull Youngjae in by his nape, he does it with so much force their lips crash together. It hurts, but Jaebeom doesn’t care, he has been waiting to do this for so long. He keeps biting and kissing Youngjae’s lips, sucking them ‘till he has the boy whining on his mouth, just then he slows down to drop chaste kisses instead, making sure he didn’t hurt him. 

Youngjae is the one who deepens the kisses once again, he keeps pulling Jaebeom’s hair, sucking his tongue. It’s just so different from the first kisses they shared, it’s also been a long time since Jaebeom had any kind of action so he really needs to slow things down. He presses the boy on the couch, hands on his waist, he was about to get on Jaebeom’s lap, and makes sure the kisses aren’t so heated anymore. 

It doesn’t seem to bother Youngjae, he kisses Jaebeom at the pace the man decides ‘till he gets tired of all the kissing and just rests his head on Jaebeom’s shoulder with a soft sigh. He says he wants to watch something dumb so they watch ‘Nailed It!’, it’s not even funny but Youngjae seems to enjoy it. He is hugging Jaebeom’s side, arms wrapped around the man’s waist and head still on his shoulder, they don’t speak. It’s just too comfortable and oddly familiar like this. 

Sometime around three in the morning they decide to go to bed. They are both tired but Youngjae clearly hasn’t been getting much sleep lately, Jaebeom makes sure he knows where everything is and that he gets whatever he needs. Youngjae kisses him goodnight and it’s something so simple but it makes Jaebeom blush like a teenager. 

He doesn’t have a hard time falling asleep as he thought he would, even though he knows Youngjae is right next door and he would want nothing more than sleeping with him he is just so satisfying things worked out. A few days ago he didn’t have any hope things would even go back to the way they were before. So, he is content. 

They spend the entire morning together, then have lunch out but Youngjae wants to go home after it, not as if Jaebeom thought he would be able to keep him there forever. Before it’s time for him to pick Bomi up Jaebeom decides to go to his parents’ so he can talk to his mom about getting a babysitter. It’s not the first time he brought the idea up, so she reacts the exact same way he thought she would but it’s not even up to discussion. 

Jaebeom respects his mom but he doesn’t even think he needed to have this conversation, he should just let her know about his decision, yet he tries to explain to her why it is the best decision for hours. It does nothing, she can’t accept and she is so mad she barely talks to Jaebeom once he says it’s already decided. 

The worst part is knowing he still needs to have the same conversation with Seolhyun’s parents. He does it over the phone, he gets loud voices on his ears but again nothing will change his decision. Jaebeom is doing it for his daughter and really is only up to him. His father tries to help with his mom but it’s no use right now, Jaebeom only leaves when it’s time for him to take Bomi home. And he lets her know he already talked to her grandparents, she is so excited it makes Jaebeom even more sure of his decision. 

He spends the next day with Bomi, just the two of them, Jaebeom really appreciates moments like this. Though, whenever he gets a chance he will text Youngjae and will also call him before bed. 

Jaebeom misses him like crazy, he missed him before, but now it’s as if he needs Youngjae every second of the day. He knows it doesn’t even sound like an okay thought so he doesn’t say it out loud or admits it, but it doesn’t change the way he feels. Jaebeom is really looking for ways to hang out with Youngjae again, he is way too busy though. He has a lot of work to do and had to interview women for the babysitter position almost every day. 

It’s really tiring, Jaebeom is so whiny about it, Youngjae gives the idea of them having lunch together. It was supposed to be just on Wednesday since Youngjae would work the night shift at the coffee shop that day so he was free, but then Jaebeom wanted to do it again Thursday, and now it was Friday and the third time in a row they had lunch together this week. 

“The ladies are alright, some of them are too strict though, and that’s not what I’m going for,” Jaebeom comments as Youngjae stuffs his face with sushi. He had interviewed three different women today and one of them wouldn’t stop talking about the rules she personally likes to set for the kids she takes care of. Jaebeom would not be hiring her that’s for sure. 

“Honestly, Ahjussi, I think you should just hire that first lady you interviewed that you liked so much. You are just wasting your time now, you could be spending this extra time eating with me,” Youngjae finally looks up from his food to lock eyes with Jaebeom and wiggles his brows at him. 

“We are not eating enough for you?” Jaebeom asks, a smile on his lips he can never hide whenever he is with Youngjae. “I will think about it over the weekend though,”

It’s not so simple to hire someone to take care of his daughter. Dahyun looked the candidates up before calling them for an interview, they all had good references, but it wasn’t so easy to trust a stranger with his daughter. The first woman he interviewed was indeed the best option, but Jaebeom was only sure of it now that he talked to the other ones. 

His decision was made, mostly, he would just think everything over the weekend so he wouldn’t make a mistake and have Dahyun contacting his chosen candidate by Monday. For now though he wanted to enjoy lunch with Youngjae, Jaebeom wasn’t so hungry but he enjoyed being there with the boy. 

“You know,” Jaebeom starts but then he stops, not sure if this is the right moment to do it. Youngjae is already looking at him, expectantly now and he doesn’t know if he wants to back off. It might not be necessary, but Jaebeom thinks making things clear between them now it’s the best thing he can do. “Youngjae-yah, you know I’m in love with you, right?”

Youngjae averts his eyes for a moment but just as quickly as he does that he looks back at Jaebeom and nods his head. Jaebeom doesn’t expect him to say anything to that, not even to say it back and he doesn’t mind. 

“And do you also know I want a relationship with you, yeah?” Jaebeom places his hand on top of Youngjae’s before he continues. “I don’t want just to have dates with you from time to time and just that, I want you to be my boyfriend. I want to introduce you to my family, I want everyone to know about us. I want us to be together,”

“Why would you-- I mean, are you sure about that?” Again Jaebeom didn’t expect anything different. He isn’t hurt, he knows Youngjae is just insecure, and he can deal with it. It’s not rejection so he thinks he can do something about it. 

“I’m sure. That’s how I want to do things, I want you always with me,” he squeezes Youngjae’s hand and the boy turns it over so he can interlock their fingers together and squeeze Jaebeom’s hand as well. 

“I want that too… I’d also like to kiss you know, Ahjussi.” Youngjae pouts looking to their sides as if checking if that’s alright. There is no way they would kiss here but the sight is so cute, Jaebeom has to stop himself from going for it. 

They talk a little more, still hand in hand, and then Youngjae excuses himself to use the restroom. They are pretty much done with their food, Jaebeom is just waiting for Youngjae to come back to make sure he doesn’t want anything else before they leave. 

“Hyungie,” Jaebeom hears Jackson’s voice right at his ear as the man hugs his shoulders. Jaebeom knows it’s him before he can even look at him. “What are you doing here eating all alone?”

When Jackson finally lets go of him he is faced with his best friends, they have warm smiles on their faces but Jinyoung looks a little nervous. They didn’t fight, Jaebeom wouldn’t fight with him when he agreed to end things between him and Youngjae, he agreed with Jinyoung. But he was hurt and things were a little awkward. They were especially awkward on Jinyoung’s birthday, everyone noticed it, even his parents. 

Jaebeom was over it now. “Hey, are you two off for lunch?”

“Yeah, it’s so rare for us to have time to eat together these days,” Jinyoung is the one who answers him. “Maybe we could all eat together? Like old times,”

It hasn’t been that long but Jaebeom won’t call him out on that, he wants things to be peaceful for once. He is about to say he was done with his food when he noticed Youngjae walking back to their table but stopping dead on his tracks when sees Jackson and Jinyoung. His eyes lock with Jaebeom’s but instead of keep walking he turns around, going back to the restroom’s discretion. 

“We can eat together, of course, we can. But I’m not alone, is there a problem?”

“If it’s okay for you,” Jackson shrugs but Jinyoung doesn’t seem so happy about the idea. And he doesn’t even know with whom Jaebeom is eating. He will like it even less once he finds out, Jaebeom considers it but he doesn’t care.

He excuses himself quickly, telling them to sit, he will be right back. He catches up to Youngjae before the other can get to the restroom. 

“Why are you running away?” He asks, holding Youngjae’s arms as if the boy would just break free from him. It’s not like Youngjae has ever met his friends or as if he knows about their past argument, he had no reason to leave, they could be anyone. “We are together now. Let’s go back to the table together,”

Jaebeom hopes Youngjae understands what he means by coming after him. He hopes Youngjae can see how serious he is about them being with each other, but if he isn’t he will make sure to prove it to him with every opportunity he gets. 

Jackson and Jinyoung are already sitting, they are talking to each other softly when Youngjae and Jaebeom get back. When they turn their eyes at them, Youngjae’s hand finds him so quickly Jaebeom barely registers it happening, his hand is so cold, it wasn’t like that just a few minutes ago. Again, Jaebeom squeezes it. 

“It’s alright,” he whispers to Youngjae. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i wanted to write smth but i had to write what would happen in between this is the in between, the thing i wanted to write will come one day...   
> \- anyways last thing i'm posting this year.. thanks everyone who read anything i wrote this year i'm really thankful for everyone really, i hope ur safe and hope u can continue to be safe and well in the future  
> \- [twitter ](https://twitter.com/yjjbzone), bye :D


	10. Red socks

“Jinyoung, Jackson,” Jaebeom says, nodding towards his friends so Youngjae knows who is who. “This is Youngjae, my boyfriend,” as he says the last part he can see the shock on his friends’ faces but he is more worried about the way Youngjae’s hand is cold and sweaty on his. 

Jaebeom wants to reassure him that it’s okay, they agreed to it, but it doesn’t feel like the right moment to do so. Even if the word ‘boyfriend’ still doesn’t feel very natural for him to say, it is what they are. Youngjae is his boyfriend and this is how he is going to introduce him from now on. 

Youngjae greets them, bowing lowly. Jaebeom doesn’t feel comfortable seeing how nervous he is, so gently helps Youngjae to sit again by pulling the chair for him and squeezing his shoulders before going back to his chair. 

The silence seems to drag on but thankfully Jinyoung breaks it, without any inconvenient remark. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Youngjae-ssi, we’ve heard a lot about you,” he gives Youngjae a warm smile. It isn’t fake, it’s just very polite. 

“Likewise,” Youngjae gives back. He isn’t even looking in anyone’s direction, looking down at his plate instead. 

“Woah, now I understand Hyung, you are so handsome I would risk it all too,” Jackson jokes and it earns him a shy smile from Youngjae. That’s better than not making eye contact, Jaebeom supposes, he was starting to feel bad for putting the boy in this situation without a warning. 

“Baby, don’t scare the kid off,” Jinyoung interferes. And even though it’s clear that Youngjae doesn’t like being called a kid, at least it’s clear for Jaebeom by now, none of them seem to be too fixed on this detail. 

Jaebeom is grateful when the waitress comes to their table to take Jinyoung and Jackson’s orders. At first, his friends just talk to each other and to Jaebeom, it’s not that they are ignoring Youngjae, it’s just really hard to get something from him other than a nod or a monosyllabic answer. 

It’s just when they get their food that Jackson and Jinyoung try to engage Youngjae in conversation once again. “So, what do you do, Youngjae-ssi? I know you work with Hyung, but what are you studying,”

“I don’t, I mean I’m not working with Ahjussi anymore and I’m not studying anything either,” Youngjae says looking at Jinyoung. He doesn’t say it embarrassedly as Jaebeom thought he would, Youngjae has been really shy and afraid to say anything. But now he sounds a little more like the Youngjae Jaebeom knows. “I’m just working at a coffee shop from time to time, and helping my friend when he needs it,”

“Oh, what do you two--” Jackson starts, but it’s cut by Jinyoung who was clearly bothered by Youngjae’s answer. 

“What do you mean, you are not going to college? You don’t plan on going any time soon?” He inquires and that’s also more like the Jinyoung Jaebeom knows. 

“No,” Youngjae says simply.

“Not everyone needs to go to college,” 

“You went to college, what are you talking about?” Jinyoung bites back at Jackson again, and Jaebeom has no idea how things shifted so fast but he can’t just watch as it unfolds in front of him without doing anything. 

“Can you not do that? Not now, please,” he asks, pleading at Jinyoung who rolls his eyes at him. 

“It’s okay, Ahjussi.” Youngjae gives him a thankful smile, even though he hasn’t done much and he knows it isn’t okay for him. “I just, it’s hard for me to focus on my education right now,”

“What can be more important than your education? Sorry,” Jinyoung raises his hands slightly as a sign of apology. “So, okay… anyways what do you do with your friend? It’s something you are good with?”

“I help him…” Youngjae looks at Jaebeom quickly before he keeps going, “when a client has a problem with their computer system, their websites, their privacy or they need something related to… technology… the company where my friend works provides help for them, and I help him if he needs,”

Jaebeom feels a little confused since Youngjae is so vague about it but he is pretty sure he has told him he could only fix computers, and not work with systems. Of course, Youngjae’s vague way won’t work on Jackson, it’s not because he wants to interrogate the boy like Jinyoung but because Jackson is naturally curious. 

He keeps asking questions about what and how Youngjae does his job, about where he learned it without going to college, and why he isn’t working with it full-time. Youngjae gives more info about it to Jackson than he has ever given to Jaebeom. He doesn’t mind it, or maybe he does a little but only because it makes him wonder why Youngjae would be secretive about something harmless like this. 

“Maybe I can find you a job, if you can work with technology systems and you are good at it there is no reason for you to not be making money from it,” Jinyoung says while he eats as if it’s no big deal. 

“Please don’t worry about me,” Youngjae who hasn’t eaten anything since he came back from the restroom then takes a sip at his glass of water and announces that he has to leave. “I’m really sorry but I have to go to work,”

It’s a lie, Youngjae doesn’t have any shifts today, that much Jaebeom knows but it’s not like he is going to call him out there. Again Youngjae bows deeply, Jaebeom watches as he leaves feeling a hole opening in his chest. He wished he could walk with Youngjae, take him home, and kiss him goodbye. 

“Seriously? You were not going to tell us you are dating him?” Jinyoung snaps, getting Jaebeom’s attention back. “You are so mad at me that you thought we couldn’t know about this?”

“I’m not mad at you, what the--” Jaebeom sighs deeply, “we just agreed on it, should I have called you on the spot? Of course, I’d tell the two of you,”

“Your parents know? Oh my God, does Bomi know, Hyung?” Jackson forgets about his food, he was talking animatedly with Youngjae but now he is really on it for the gossip. 

“No one knows, like I said we just agreed on being in a serious relationship,” Jaebeom explains and Jackson wants to know the details, how it happened, if it was romantic enough. He acts as if it’s something in fact exciting as if they are gossiping about a celebrity’s life. They are not. 

As much as Jaebeom is excited to talk about Youngjae as well he knows this is serious. He wishes he was allowed to enjoy it with his friends at least for the time being but Jinyoung’s serious expression won’t let him relax. 

“What?” 

“Are you sure of that? Because if you are, of course, we will support you no questions asked. You are my brother, I’ll always have your back, but like it or not he is a kid. He is very young and he is a man, you know your family won’t take it lightly and I want you to be sure that’s what you want for both you and him” Jinoung’s tone is way too kind, Jaebeom knows he is looking out for him. This time he is being supportive, not just judging Jaebeom’s choices, but it still hurts. 

“I’m sure, Jinyoungie. I’m in love with him and I know it’s not just about being in love. That I have to consider what is the right thing to do, but being away from Youngjae doesn’t feel right. I know it isn’t the right thing,”

“Alright then” Jinyoung gives him one last reassuring smile and that’s enough for Jaebeom. Then without wasting a second Jackson starts making plans about them going out on double dates and how much better it will be to have Jaebeom with them without being the third wheel. As if he enjoys it, but Jaebeom is happy with their support he doesn’t mind. 

Their reaction was way better than he could have hoped for, and even though he knows his relationship with Youngjae isn’t ideal he is happy he gets to live it now. Of course, being sure of what he wants doesn’t solve all of the problems that Jaebeom knows he might have from now on. 

Having his best friends’ support makes Jaebeom feel more at ease though. But when he goes back to his office and even when he gets home later all he can think about is what Jinyoung said about his family. Jaebeom knew from the moment he decided to go after Youngjae that he would have to deal with it and he decided to be brave about it. The problem was the way he shoved it to the back of his mind. ‘Till now he was enjoying living the moment with Youngjae as if it was a dream, but it isn’t, it’s real, and soon rather than later he will have to make sure the boy is part of his life and not some secret he keeps only for himself. 

Jaebeom enjoys his Friday night with Bomi, he wants to give her as much attention as he can so she won’t feel left out when she finds out about Youngjae. He doesn’t believe it will happen, he wants to make sure nothing in their relationship changes but still Jaebeom has to make sure of it. He barely has time to call Youngjae and it doesn’t feel right, being away from him always leaves Jaebeom feeling as if something is wrong with him. 

At least they manage to talk when Jaebeom finally goes to bed, they don’t speak much but at least he can rest peacefully knowing Youngjae is safe. They don’t hang up though, they don’t do it every night but ever since the first time they stayed on call even when they went to sleep Jaebeom found himself missing it on the nights they didn’t. It’s too soon but Jaebeom can’t wait for the nights he will have Youngjae with him instead of alone in that small single room. 

The thought lingers on Jaebeom’s mind all day, he works from home but he catches himself countless times thinking about bringing Youngjae to be with him. He knows he can’t do it now but he supposes he can at least start inserting the boy in his life more, bit by bit. So, he asks Youngjae to come over, and even though he thought it would be hard to convince him it isn’t, he is also eager to see Jaebeom. 

It’s just late afternoon when Youngjae finally gets to his apartment, Jaebeom runs to the door, he has been counting the seconds to see him all day long. 

“Hey,” he tries to kiss Youngjae but he holds Jaebeom in place, hands on his chest. “What?”

“Isn’t Bomi home? I don’t want her seeing this,” Youngjae complains trying to get past him but Jaebeom won’t let him move. He has been dying to kiss Youngjae, since yesterday when he left the restaurant by himself without a proper goodbye. 

“She is in her room, now come here--” 

“Dad, who is here,” they hear Bomi’s voice and then the door of her room being slammed shut. 

Youngjae looks at him as if to say ‘see, I was right,’ and Jaebeom can’t even protest. Bomi doesn’t even care for when Jaebeom has someone over, not that it happens that often. Nowadays it’s just Dahyun and very rarely Jinyoung and Jackson, though he believes it will change now. 

“Youngjae-oppa!” Bomi yells so loudly when she sees Youngjae that Jaebeom thinks he will keep hearing it for the next few days. 

His daughter runs to Youngjae but she stops before she can crash on him, she was going to hug him but she probably feels shy out of a sudden. Bomi stays by Jaebeom’s side instead and she looks at Youngjae with bright eyes. 

“What are you doing here? You came to work like Dahyun-unnie?” She doesn’t sound happy about the prospect of Youngjae wasting his time working, looking at him curiously. “Or did you come for your birthday?”

“My birthday? Bomi-yah, it’s not my birthday, it was in September,” he says softly, Jaebeom likes the way Youngjae talks to his daughter. He finds himself smiling for no reason. “You are so big now, you have grown a lot,”

“Oh, thanks!” She exclaims happily, but then she is back at talking about Youngjae’s birthday and how they missed it. She even blames Jaebeom for not finding Youngjae when she asked him to. “I wanted to celebrate and to buy you a present, a lot of presents actually,”

“It’s not your dad’s fault,” but he doesn’t give her anything else, opting for not lying. Still, Youngjae amuses her by talking about birthdays and what kind of presents he would like to get. Youngjae is just joking, he says stupid things like a trip to Mars and getting longer legs. Just things Bomi can’t really get him but it’s already enough to make his daughter laugh non-stop at his antics. 

Bomi doesn’t laugh that easily, with her getting older she has become quite passive and finding everything boring. Nothing is ever good for her tastes. It’s different with Youngjae even when he says something not even remotely funny she will laugh and act as if he is the funniest person she has ever met. It doesn’t take long for Jaebeom to realize he will have to compete for Youngjae’s attention. Not that it is a problem, he was more worried about Bomi not being so warm to the boy anymore. 

He was happy to share Youngjae’s time with her, it was just really hard to get him to even look at Jaebeom. Bomi wasn’t letting him even open his mouth if his words weren’t directed at her. Jaebeom stuck to watching them, he has watched them before, the first time he wasn’t so happy about it. But then it made him feel comfortable, this time he felt something even bigger. He felt like it could work, they could work, they could be a family. It was too soon, again he knew that, but he could see them working as a family and it made him feel safe. Safe to share everything with Youngjae. 

After a while, Bomi calms down, as much as she manages to and they watch a movie together. Jaebeom doesn’t feel awkward, he thought he would but it goes smoothly, then they have dinner together, and again Bomi is all over Youngjae. It’s probably tiring for him but he never shows any annoyance at the attention he is getting. 

After they eat and watch another movie Jaebeom has to make Bomi say goodbye, it’s not the easiest task because she refuses to go to her room before Youngjae leaves even though it’s late. She only stops making a scene about it when Youngjae promises to come back another time, even though she doesn’t seem too convinced she doesn’t complain anymore. And this time she hugs Youngjae before going to her room. 

“I think we can agree that she likes me,” Youngjae says seriously, making Jaebeom giggle stupidly. “I hope she won’t start to hate me once she finds out… I kiss her dad on the lips,” the last part he whispers jokingly, but there is some worry in his words. 

“She won’t,” Jaebeom assures him even though he can’t be sure either, pulling Youngjae closer to him so he can hold him in his arms. “You make not liking you really difficult,”

Youngjae blushes and even though he doesn’t look very convinced he doesn’t say anything else about it. “Anyways, I wanted to give you something but I couldn’t before, so,”

He hands Jaebeom a file folder he had in his bag, it gives him bad memories. Jaebeom doesn’t even like remembering what happened the last time he had something like this being handed to him. 

“Hey, no,” Youngjae shakes his head when he notices the worry in his eyes. “It’s nothing bad, it’s just… you were all worried about the babysitter you wanted to hire. I know this is something important and I just want you to rest assured, so I made some research on her. There is nothing bad, but there are a lot of details as well so read it all when you have the time,”

Jaebeom opens the folder finding it all too strange. Youngjae asked him about the woman last night over the phone but he didn’t think much about it, and also Dahyun has already made all the research he could need on every candidate. Still, when Jaebeom starts reading it he notices how it has much more information than Dahyun could ever find. Youngjae found out how the woman has been fired from all her previous jobs, he found files with information about her behavior, her medical record, and even things she did when she was a teenager which was a long time ago. 

“What is that? Isn’t it illegal... Youngjae, I’m pretty sure a lot of this is confidential, how did you find all of that,” Jaebeom can’t take his eyes off the folder though, it does give him a feeling of relief. He will do just like Youngjae said, will read everything thoroughly but it already made him feel a little better even if he knows this is wrong. 

“This is one of the things between what I can do,” Youngjae’s voice is challenging, Jaebeom has to look at him. He doesn’t know what it means, but soon Youngjae’s face morphs into a softer expression. “Ahjussi, I can find things like that and I can do a lot of things I shouldn’t, but I will only do anything if it’s for you.”

Jaebeom doesn’t know what any of that means, he always wants to know what Youngjae is up to. He already had a feeling the boy was doing things he shouldn’t but now that he got the confirmation he is afraid to ask, afraid of what it can mean for them. 

“Just don’t do anything that could get you in trouble, alright? Not for me, not for anyone else,” he asks, holding Youngjae’s face on his palms, having already left the folder to the side in order to focus on him. “Promise me you will make sure you don’t get in trouble, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Youngjae nods, and then he is the one pulling Jaebeom closer to him. “Do you think it’s safe for me to kiss you ‘cause I need to leave and I don’t--”

Jaebeom kisses him before he can say anything else, not a long kiss because is also hyper-aware of his daughter being just a room away but long enough for the thigh knot in his chest to loosen a little bit. He smiles and then kisses Youngjae again, just one more time before he has to let him go. 

It’s surprising for him but this time Youngjae accepts to take a taxi home, it’s not enough to end Jaebeom’s worries but at least he knows the other will be safe for the most part. And also it won’t take him so long to get home, that’s a relief. 

If it were up to Jaebeom he would have Youngjae come over on the next day as well, he would always have him there. If it were up to Bomi it would be the same. She asks if he is visiting again at lunchtime, but he knows they have to take small steps at least for now with his daughter, he can’t make Youngjae a present part of her life so soon and without knowing how if they are going to be able to keep it like this. 

Monday is also a busy day, Jaebeom has to go to the office not just because of his obligations with the company but because he also has a meeting with the woman he wants to hire, Mrs. Cha. After reading the folder Youngjae gave him Youngjae was even more sure of his decision. There was nothing out of the ordinary, her background was exceptional and she didn’t lie about anything. 

They talk for a long time, Jaebeom has a list of rules and demands he needs her to follow. At first, he didn’t want to come out as a too exigent boss, but it’s his daughter they are talking about. It’s not only about doing a good job but also about keeping Bomi safe, at least it seemed that Mrs. Cha was more than used to it, and considering her experience she was good at taking care of kids. Probably even better than Jaebeom, he thought bitterly. 

Mrs. Cha would start working right the next day, though she was available to sleep at work Jaebeom wasn’t sure about it. He didn’t rule it out completely, if necessary he would ask her to spend the night but it wasn’t going to be part of their routine. Jaebeom wasn’t too keen on having the woman living with them like this. 

On her first day, Jaebeom took the day off from work, not completely he was going to work from home as best as he could but he wanted to see how Mrs. Cha would deal with Bomi. He doesn’t believe for a second that it will be the same way when he is not around but he hopes he will get a good idea of how it is going to be. Jaebeom is more than pleased to see Bomi behaving well, it’s not that she is that difficult, but she is still a kid so he has to watch it closely. 

Her good behavior can probably be explained by how excited she is to be allowed to be home instead of being at her grandparents’. It doesn’t matter, if she can keep it even after the excitement passes it’s good enough for him. At least Mr. Cha proves to be very good with kids, she is an old woman and Jaebeom thought she would be just telling Bomi what to do but she also plays and helps his daughter with her homework.

It’s a tiring day, even more so than Jaebeom would have at the office, he also misses Youngjae to death. It’s starting to be too much, missing him after a few days but he really can’t help it. It pains Jaebeom to not be able to see him in the next few days either, he has a lot of work since they are approaching the end of the semester and now he has even more responsibilities than before. Still, before it gets impossible for him to leave the office because of the piles of work Jaebeom wants to spend some time with Youngjae and Bomi. 

There are a lot of things he wants to fix before all the mess that is about to start. It’s not only about having Youngjae being even more part of his life, but he also has to do something about Moonbin. Jaebeom needs to make sure Youngjae will be alright even when he is not around to take care of him all the time. There are a lot of possibilities going through his mind but Jaebeom thinks it will be better if he talks things out with Youngjae. He will have to do it eventually, he can’t run from it forever. 

This is still on his mind a few days later when he is having breakfast with Bomi, and she comments on how Youngjae hasn’t visited again like he promised to do. It has been over a week, and if Bomi misses Youngjae she has no idea what Jaebeom is going through. That’s why he has been considering spending the weekend with Youngjae, well with Youngjae and Bomi. 

Jaebeom still has to ask her opinion first, even if he is sure she is going to be happy about it he waits until she is done eating to ask if she would like to go to their country house on the weekend. Bomi hates going there and if it was just the two of them or even her grandparents she wouldn’t be happy to go. But it’s different when Youngjae is added to the conversation. 

“I do! I wanna go, dad! It’s always so boring, but if Youngjae-oppa is going too then I want to go!” She gives him a thumbs-up, Jaebeom has expected that but the way she is always happy to see Youngjae still throws him off sometimes. 

She isn’t even wrong about the boring part though, it must be awful for her when they go there. He bought the house with Jackson and Jinyoung, it made no sense for any of them to buy it alone when they would go together anyway. And that’s how they did it, they would always go together, sometimes with their parents, so it was always just old people. Bomi only enjoyed going there when she was younger and every small thing could be fun for her. Now she hated even the thought of going to the countryside. 

The prospect of having Youngjae around was probably incentive enough. It was for Jaebeom as well, it’s not that it wasn’t fun for him before, it was alright. But he would only go to the country house if someone else suggested it. This time he was looking forward to it, even though he still had to ask Youngjae to go with them. 

Having to go to Youngjae to talk about the short trip it’s more of an excuse, they could have talked about it over the phone but Jaebeom needs to see him. He makes time to be able to leave work earlier so he can see Youngjae and spend some time with him after all the days being apart, he knows he is at home and decides to surprise him by going over without calling beforehand. 

Jaebeom doesn’t have to knock more than twice before the door is being opened slowly and Youngjae is peeking through the small gap. He smiles relieved as soon as he notices who is at the door. 

“Hey, you,” the boy smiles again, pulling Jaebeom inside by the hand and closing the door behind him. Youngjae kisses him, just a chaste kiss as a way to say ‘hi’, it’s more than Jaebeom was used to. He can notice the way Youngjae is starting to feel more comfortable with all the touching by small things like this. “I wasn’t expecting you,” he comments. 

“Did I startle you?” Youngjae shakes his head no, but Jaebeom doesn’t believe it, he seemed apprehensive before opening the door. “What are you doing?”

“Working on something,” Youngjae says pointing at his laptop lying on his mattress. The same laptop he has lent to Jaebeom a bunch of times so he could work from there, the nights they spent together there it feels like a lifetime ago. 

Jaebeom misses it, the proximity. 

“Not fixing computers I suppose,” Jaebeom mumbles and he can see the way Youngjae’s face shifts. They have talked about their meeting with Jackson and Jinyoung, but it was more about how Youngjae felt and how things would be better next time. They haven’t talked about Youngjae not telling him the actual truth about what he is doing to earn money. 

“Sorry,” 

“I just… just what exactly are you doing?” Jaebeom asks. 

“Honestly? I want to tell you everything, I want you to know so you don’t make your choice blindly,” Youngjae averts his eyes and doesn’t look back at him. Jaebeom has no idea what he is talking about. “But at the same time I don’t, I want to hide every little thing so you will like me, so you won’t leave,”

“Youngjae-yah, I said I’m not leaving you. Can’t you believe me? Please, stop worrying just for a little while,” Jaebeom holds his face softly so Youngjae can look at him. “I’m not leaving your side,”

“I… there’s this thing-- no. Let me try again. We, me and Bambam, do a lot of things, the things I said about setting websites up and working with software, well that’s not a lie. But most of the time we do more than that,” Youngjae is fidgety so he has to pull away from Jaebeom and walk to the other side of the room. “Like right now I’ve hacked this lady phone because her husband thinks she is cheating on him,”

“What? Are you out of--” Jaebeom’s voice is louder than he intends to and he can see the way Youngjae’s shoulders tense, trying to make himself look smaller. “Sorry, but this is serious. You can go to jail, do you not see it? It’s worse than you getting private information on Mrs. Cha, you are-- Youngjae, listen to me, you could be arrested,”

Youngjae nods and for some reason, it makes Jaebeom even angrier. It’s not like he expected Youngjae to not know the consequences of what he is doing but he had hoped he would at least not be fully aware of how bad it all was. That he would be shocked and maybe realize how dangerous it could be for him. 

“Please, why are you doing this? And it doesn’t even--” it doesn’t seem to be paying off, that’s what Jaebeom means to say. Of course, Youngjae is doing it for the money and it must pay a lot for him to risk his freedom. But Youngjae still doesn’t have much, the way he is living makes that much obvious. It’s not to live a good life. “Is it so you can pay Moonbin up?”

But that’s also obvious, Youngjae needs to pay the other and it’s a lot of money. Jaebeom fears for him every time the boy is alone, he can’t imagine the way Youngjae feels. He’s been alone and scared for years now, Jaebeom can’t judge the ways he found to get away from this torture. 

“I’ll fix it, let me fix it,” Jaebeom’s voice is shaky even though he tries to mask it. He walks to Youngjae, he wants to shorten the distance between them but Youngjae walks away from him. “Youngjae, I can fix it. I should have done it already, I’m sorry for how long it’s taking me. But I will fix it,”

“Aren’t you-- don’t you realize what me doing these things mean?” Youngjae sounds like he is on the verge of tears. Jaebeom shakes his head, he doesn’t care what it means. Youngjae might think it will scare him off somehow but it won’t, nothing will. 

“I came because I wanted you to spend the weekend with me and Bomi. Come with us, I swear when we come back things will be different, you won’t have to do that anymore, I will fix it. I will fix everything,” this time Jaebeom succeeds at getting closer to Youngjae. 

He doesn’t put up a fight when Jaebeom holds him, it’s not much but nowadays it always helps Jaebeom to calm down. This situation is making him anxious, and guilty as well knowing he could have done something sooner but Youngjae’s warmth can soothe him like nothing else in this world. 

They stay like that for a while, it’s hard to get Youngjae to speak. He hasn’t agreed to go to the countryside yet and he hasn’t said anything about Jaebeom helping him with the Moonbin situation either. At least he isn’t pushing Jaebeom away this time, he accepts Jaebeom’s hugs and kisses, accepts his words and love promises, even if in silence he lets Jaebeom hold him. 

Knowing Bomi is already home and being taken care of helps Jaebeom to not feel so guilty about spending so much time with Youngjae. He is glad he can stay there ‘till things seem to be better, and lighter. Jaebeom manages to get Youngjae to lie with him and to even talk to him again, he doesn’t understand what is going on but it seems to be easier for the other to talk to him while they cuddle and Youngjae faces away. 

“What got you like that? I’m not mad, you know that right? I’m just worried about you,” Jaebeom speaks softly as he drops a kiss on Youngjae’s neck. 

“I know you are not mad. But I’m guilty, you keep having to help me, having to forgive me. I have done a lot, Ahjussi, I feel bad,” it’s the most Youngjae has said since they almost had an argument. 

Jaebeom has a feeling he would tell him everything if he asked right now, but he isn’t sure if he wants to ask. Youngjae already feels bad as it is, he is scared whatever he has to say will only make things worse. Even if Jaebeom thinks he needs to know the boy’s troubles in order to help him, to make his life easier, he doesn’t think it has to be all at once. Youngjae is always feeling guilty, every time he tells Jaebeom something he did it is heavy with him feeling like everything is his fault and with him worrying it will be the last straw, that Jaebeom will leave him. 

He doesn’t want it to be too overwhelming for him, so he won’t ask. He won’t ask anymore and he will let Youngjae tell him whatever he wants whenever he feels like it. For now, Jaebeom tries to assure him everything is okay, kisses every bit of skin he has access to, and tries to distract Youngjae by telling him about the country house. 

Even though Jaebeom doesn’t want to leave he knows he can’t stay any longer. He could ask Mr. Cha to spend the night with Bomi but he has to work in the morning, and he isn’t sure how Youngjae would feel with him sleeping over now that they are together. He leaves feeling a heavyweight in his chest. Youngjae doesn’t seem so down anymore, he smiles and kisses Jaebeom assuring him he will be fine. He isn’t quite sure about it but he still leaves as he is supposed to. 

It’s just two more days ‘till they see each other again. 

Friday Jaebeom gets Bomi from school, he has told Mr. Cha to go home and start her weekend earlier. Bomi is jumpy and won’t stop talking about all the things she and Youngjae will do together, it’s like she doesn’t even remember Jaebeom will be there as well. She has been happier lately, it’s still hard sometimes but Jaebeom thinks she is getting used to living with him. A lot changed in her life over the past year, so having his daughter adapting happily makes him feel better about everything he is doing. 

They drive to Youngjae’s place and wait for him since the car can’t exactly go up to his single-room. It doesn’t take too long for Youngjae to calm down, this time Bomi runs to him without holding back. Youngjae accepts the hug with a big smile, so genuine Jaebeom can almost forget about how down he looked the last time they were together. 

Bomi is overly pleased when the boy compliments her outfit, but then she eyes Youngjae up and down with a frown. “Oppa, you will be cold with these clothes. Didn’t dad tell you it’s even colder in the woods?”

Youngjae looks down at himself as well but he doesn’t seem too worried about it. 

“It’s okay, I have warm clothes, enough for the both of us. We can share, right Youngjae-yah?” Jaebeom smirks at him, noting the way it makes his cheeks flush beautifully.

“Don’t make it weird, dad,” Bomi says, making a disgusted face at him. Jaebeom is pretty sure she can’t tell he is flirting with Youngjae but she probably feels embarrassed anyway. 

Youngjae doesn’t say anything to that, he changes subjects asking about how was Bomi’s day at school and that’s pretty much what they talk about for about half an hour. After Bomi lets Youngjae into the life of her closest friends she gets tired and starts dozing off in the back seat. Jaebeom and he are left in silence, Youngjae watching intensely as the buildings start disappearing and giving space to big trees, mountains, and large plantation fields. 

They have a long way to go, so after a while of fighting sleep Youngjae dozes off as well. He rests his head against the window, it can’t be too comfortable like that but it doesn’t stop him from sleeping anyway. Jaebeom feels his heartbeat speed up, he can’t even keep his eyes on Youngjae for more than a few seconds but it’s still enough for his entire body to react to the sigh. 

It’s not something new, he has been feeling this way even before he allowed himself to admit he was in love with Youngjae, but it’s getting more and more recurring. No matter what Youngjae is doing, even if he isn’t doing anything like right now, it will always make Jaebeom feel like there are thousands of butterflies in his stomach. 

He doesn’t mind the long drive, and fortunately, Bomi wakes up before he gets too bored. She tries to not wake Youngjae up as well but her whispers are actually louder than her normal voice so it doesn’t take long for it to happen. Now that he is rested, Youngjae speaks a little more, not only replying to Bomi but also giving small facts about his childhood to her. He doesn’t mention the years he spent at the orphanage but he doesn’t make it seem like he had a different reality either. It gives Jaebeom hope that soon he will get to open up more and not feel like he has to hide himself from him, from them. 

“It’s huge!” Youngjae’s mouth drops open when they finally get to the house. It’s indeed a huge place, not only the house but the entire property. When they bought it they had plans to have a big family. All of them did, Jackson and Jinyoung wanted to adopt kids and way too many dogs for it to be possible, they didn’t do either. Jaebeom also thought he would have more kids, at least three. He also didn’t do that.

They also thought they would go there often, once or twice a month. They rarely do. Looking back at it they didn’t get their future right, but there’s nothing about it that Jaebeom resents, he is happy with the way his life is now. It’s more than enough having Bomi and Youngjae. Still, he wished they had bought a smaller place. At least it’s comfortable and good enough for them. 

Youngjae helps him out by bringing the grocery Jaebeom has got before leaving Seoul, he will gasp every now and then because of something that will get his attention in the house. 

“Bomi, take your things to your room. I will show Youngjae where he will sleep,” she makes an annoyed face but it’s just because that’s how she looks whenever he tells her to do anything. 

Jaebeom shows Youngjae the upstairs, letting him know where everything he might need. And finally showing him the room where he is going to sleep, Jaebeom has his own room, it never changes and so does Bomi. He picked a random room for Youngjae, close to his. 

“I hope it’s of your liking, if you need something just ask me, but I’m pretty sure everything is in order,” Jaebeom explains about to leave for his room when Youngjae drops his small bag on the floor and closes the door. 

“Ahjussi, I will leave my things here. But maybe we could…” he shyly licks his lower lip before continuing, “maybe we could sleep together? I mean, I could sleep with  _ you  _ in your room,”

He is trying to sound confident but Jaebeom can see right through him, way too nervous to ask something would never be denied. 

“I’d like that,” he says slowly, a smile growing on his lips before he pushes Youngjae against the door. 

He supposes they have some time, so Jaebeom leans in and kisses Youngjae's lips. At first, he just kisses him lightly wanting to make sure that’s okay. But as Youngjae kisses back urgently the kisses become more passionate, licking and exploring Jaebeom’s mouth in such fervent way it makes the man feel weak way too quickly. Soon enough Youngjae has one of his legs wrapped around his hips and it takes Jaebeom every bit of self-restraint from him to not just take him to his bed. 

Youngjae’s hands are all over his body, pulling him impossibly close when they hear Bomi calling for him. It’s as if someone has thrown cold water on them, the boy pushes Jaebeom off him so quickly he almost loses his balance. 

“Tell her I’m changing, I need a moment,” Youngjae is out of breath and that’s really something new for Jaebeom, he hasn’t seen him like this ‘till this moment. It’s too damn distracting, it’s only when Bomi calls for him again that he is brought back to reality. 

Jaebeom leaves the room without saying a word to Youngjae, he can’t think straight to form words right now. He also needs a moment, but he is the father so he doesn’t have the privilege. Thankfully, Bomi doesn’t need anything, she is just hungry and wants to eat something before dinner. It’s late for them to do anything, Jaebeom wants to go fishing in the morning, for tonight they will just stay in and eat something warm. 

It takes Youngjae some time to join them, true to his words he has changed and he looks way more composed than when Jaebeom left him in his room. He also doesn’t act awkwardly which Jaebeom thought would happen. Youngjae just wants to make them dinner, even though he can’t cook that much just like Jaebeom he assures him he looked some recipes up and he can do it. 

Youngjae asks for Bomi to help him and it makes Jaebeom intervene, Bomi isn’t allowed in the kitchen, it makes him nervous to think she can hurt herself even if she isn’t so young anymore. Youngjae promises she will only do simple things like washing the vegetables and mainly observing as he works, then he argues that Bomi needs to know how to take care of herself. At least how to make herself food if she ever needs to. 

That’s the only reason why Jaebeom agrees to it, he feels the need to do everything in her place, to not let her do any work but she ends up angry at him. Jaebeom knows why Youngjae said what he said, he had to take care of himself way too young, Bomi won’t go through the same things he did. Bomi has Jaebeom, she has her mom and a large family, she won’t ever be left alone to her own resources. 

And still, Jaebeom can see how it would be good if she can do things for herself. He is overprotective and he doesn’t want her to be dependent on someone else her whole life. Seeing Youngjae taking care of her and teaching how she should do things around the kitchen makes Jaebeom’s heartbeat go crazy once again. Youngjae is behaving like a parent, maybe he doesn’t know that, or maybe he just knows his way around kids, even if it’s just that it’s still a lot for Jaebeom to take in. 

He slowly starts feeling comfortable leaving Bomi to Youngjae’s care in the kitchen. Jaebeom keeps watching everything but he doesn’t feel so nervous anymore, it all feels right. And when the food is ready and they have shrimp soup, the recipe Youngjae tried, with rice and a lot of vegetables she is so proud of herself Jaebeom wishes he could have recorded it. 

They eat way too much, at some point he thinks Bomi will get sick, she probably eats that much because she was the one helping the cooking more than because of how it tastes. Jaebeom is left with the dishes while she and Youngjae go to the living room in order to choose a movie for them to watch. 

They don’t do that for long, not even halfway through the movie they picked Bomi is fast asleep. They were watching The Princess Diaries for the tenth time in the past two months, she loved it and she knew pretty much every line from the movie, she was also tired and well-fed, it was easy for her to fall asleep. 

Jaebeom takes Bomi to her room making sure she is warm and comfortable before he goes back downstairs. Youngjae is still watching the movie and hasn't moved a centimeter. 

“Do you wanna finish it?” Jaebeom asks, sitting back again. This time he sits close to Youngjae, hugging his sides and dropping a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Unless you have something better in mind, yes, I’m finishing it,” Youngjae replies distractedly, eyes never leaving the TV.

“Ah, you know, for someone who has been crazy to watch the stars with me you haven’t even mentioned it since we got here,” he says with a smirk on his lips knowing it will work. And it does. 

“Oh,” Youngjae turns at him then back at the TV just to turn it off. “Can you get something so we don’t freeze out there?” His voice is full of excitement.

“Sure,” Jaebeom goes to his room so he can get a warmer coat for Youngjae, he also gets a few blankets so they are more comfortable. Youngjae is waiting for him by the door and he is so happy as if they are going to do something extraordinary when it’s just going outside and looking up. 

Outside isn’t so dark because of the house lights, but it definitely doesn’t have as many lights as in the city. They can see the stars perfectly, and it’s not just a few stars, the sky is filled with them. Jaebeom doesn’t even think he has ever noticed it was how it looked when he was there the previous times. 

The big tall trees around the house make it feel like something out of a movie. While Youngjae is busy gasping, Jaebeom places the blankets on the cold grass, it should be enough. Then he tells Youngjae to lie there and covers him with yet another blanket. It isn’t as warm and he would like it but it isn’t terribly cold either. 

“I can’t believe this, I can’t believe there are so many stars up in there and we never get to see them,” Youngjae comments amazed, making Jaebeom smile. 

The boy tries to take some pictures of the moon but it makes him overly frustrated for not being able to capture its beauty. He can’t capture anything at all, the pictures he takes just look like pole lights instead of the beautiful sky. Youngjae soon gives up on it and starts researching constellations in his phone, he tries to look for them without much luck either, that part doesn’t frustrate him as much since he has fun looking for the right stars. 

Just like in the car earlier, Jaebeom feels his heartbeat beating way too fast. He can feel it in his throat, and it’s all he can hear in his ears. Looking at the way Youngjae’s eyes shine, reflecting the stars on them, the way he pouts when he can find the constellation he is looking for or can’t even pronounce their names correctly. Watching his flushed face, the way his nose is so red it makes him look funny. It’s too overwhelming. Jaebeom knows he is in love, yet his entire body keeps screaming at him as if it has just found out about him being head over heels for Youngjae. 

“Oh God,” he all but growls, turning half of his body over Youngjae’s and hiding his face on his neck. 

“What is that?” Youngjae giggles at the sudden action, Jaebeom can feel his stomach moving under him and it just makes him growl again, most of it muffled by Youngjae’s soft skin. “Ahjussi, what’s with you?”

“You are just so pretty,” this time he makes sure to say it in Youngjae's ear so he can hear him perfectly. “So pretty, I can’t believe I get to look at you like this,”

“Me?” He sounds as confused as he always does when he receives any compliment from Jaebeom. 

“Yes, you. Every time I look at you I’m starstruck, no matter how many times I do it’s always the same,” he confesses, then he kisses Youngjae’s neck just because it’s right there and he is allowed. 

Sensing the way the other doesn’t react he moves slightly so he can look at him. His eyes are still bright but there is some confusion there as well, not as if he doesn’t believe Jaebeom but as if he really has no idea what he is talking about. 

“Once… the one time after that messed up date I had with Jackson’s friend you slept when I drove you home. You looked so pretty, I remember looking at you and being ‘woah, is this real?’,” Jaebeom tells him and Youngjae lets out a short laugh. “Ever since you are always leaving me astonished,”

“That’s… you like me a lot, right Ahjussi?” Youngjae’s voice is light and he is smiling. He doesn’t sound insecure about it for once, but he is still waiting for Jaebeom’s reply. 

“I do. I like you a lot,” Jaebeom kisses the tip of his nose just so he can get another wide smile. “I love you so much, Youngjae-yah,”

Youngjae pulls him down so he can kiss him, he forgets all about the starry night in order to hold Jaebeom and kiss him deeply. He is pulling Jaebeom’s hair, sucking his lower lip into his mouth, the kiss so wet it’s messing with Jaebeom’s sense, he can’t feel anything else but Youngjae. The boy’s hands won’t stop moving over his body, going from his back to his nape and hair, going down again all the way to his ass. If it wasn’t warm enough before now things become hot, too hot, in a way he can feel himself getting hard in his pants. 

Jaebeom wouldn’t have stopped because of that, but he knows Youngjae can feel it against his leg and he can’t even stay still to not make it too obvious. Jaebeom’s hips are moving instinctively over Youngjae not leaving the man another option but having to hold the boy down and move away from his lips. 

“We should go inside, it’s getting late and we need to get up early in the morning,” Jaebeom manages the words out. It’s a lame excuse and he knows that, Youngjae knows that but at least he isn’t called out. 

“I don’t want to, Ahjussi. I want to stay here,” Youngjae tries to pout but it doesn’t work, his face is flushed and his lips too swollen. So inviting, Jaebeom almost forgets about his reasoning and kisses them again, but he knows he shouldn’t. 

They should talk about how far they are planning to go before, he is afraid of not doing the right thing if he gives in now. It’s one of the hardest things Jaebeom ever had to do, but he gets out of the grass and helps Youngjae up as well. He is uncomfortable in his pants, but he tries to ignore it, pretending it all wasn’t as intense as it actually was. 

Jaebeom almost regrets agreeing to Youngjae sleeping with him, but he is surprised when he doesn’t try anything. Considering how handsy he was outside and how he didn’t want to come to bed Jaebeom had imagined it would be harder. But all Youngjae does is give him a peck on the lips and covers himself up to his chin with the thick comforter. 

The last, and the only time they slept in the same bed Jaebeom was just so happy to have the boy with him he didn’t overthink anything. He slept easily, this time though he is hyper-aware of everything, he knows when Youngjae finally falls asleep, and no movement he makes on the bed goes unnoticed. Jaebeom really wants to wake up early in the morning but he can’t make his mind stop wandering, thoughts on having Youngjae on his bed every single night, of holding him and waking up to him, of making love to him. 

It’s hard stopping himself from daydreaming about these things, but then it gets to be too much, his fantasies way too vivid. Jaebeom finally forces himself to drink some water, breathe in and out and try to sleep, he hugs Youngjae’s back, cuddling him to sleep, feeling himself relax with the boy’s soft scent invading his senses. 

Jaebeom wakes up three hours later, his bladder protesting aggressively for him to empty it. It’s only after he is done using the bathroom and he goes back to bed that he realizes his feet haven’t hit the cold tiles. There are red socks on his feet and they definitely don’t belong to him, he didn’t put them on either. 

He looks over at Youngjae’s peaceful form on his bed and he feels something giant growing inside of him. It’s not only his love for Youngjae he can feel anymore, he can feel the love he is getting back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- the socks thing i shamelessly stole from b99, when i watched it i almost cried lol i knew i had to steal it so here i did  
> \- i just want to say im sorry for how long it's taking me between updates, every time i need to read a few chapters to remember what happened, im really sorry for whoever is waiting for chapters and don't remember anything... really ugh sorry hope it gets better but can't promise :Q

**Author's Note:**

> \- i wanted it to take palce in Korea and like use honorifics, but that's it i'm not gonna use things like 'eomma' or 'appa'... it's just not what i want to do  
> \- idk if this is will be interesting for others but im putting this story out there :D  
> \- oh and i don't inted to write A LOT of chapters btw


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